An Eating Disorder Is Not A Disorder
Through my personal explorations and through the support of plant medicine and nervous system healing work, I have come to understand that an eating disorder is not a disorder, but rather the body in a particular pattern attempting to communicate a need and solve a problem.
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Breaking out of the “disorder” diagnosis means that I am not defined by my “illness”, nor is there a predetermined, cookie cutter treatment plan that can “cure” me.
No longer being defined by it, the eating “disorder” is no longer part of my identity or something that I attach to as a way to feel see or validated.
Seeing it as a pattern means that I can shift and redesign the pattern. It means that the recovery process is unique to me, to my dreams and aspirations, and that it is truly a creative process. Additionally, the eating disorder is not me - it is not my identity - and rather, it is a coping strategy or survival pattern that I learnt at a young age to help me feel a sense of safety.
An eating disorder is a disorder because what it is actually responding to is a Society that is dys/dis-regulated.
We have to look at eating patterns/disorders from this higher and wider vantage point because they point us towards what we are missing as a society, and what is out of balance within institutions, communities, and families.
What we are missing within these networks are collective teachings that help us ground, self-regulate, and express emotions, healthy anger and boundaries.
We are missing moments to co-regulate and attune with others in integrity and connection, because we are overriding something within ourselves in order to keep go-go-going with a society that is extractive, dominating, and patriarchal.
We are missing trust between others and towards our own bodies as a result.
Consider some of these statements:
“My eating disorder has been my only constant thing in my life; it’s like my best friend”.
“It helps me feel in control and it blocks out the chaos.”
“My world goes quiet and no one can reach me; I feel at peace.”
“With an eating disorder, I feel like I am achieving something – I’m not good at much else.”
“I don’t feel my body or my feelings; I am scared if I feel anything, I’ll drown.”
“I feel protected, no one can touch me.”
I have heard similar statements like the ones above from my clients, and I have lived them too. Maybe you relate to one or more of them. These are statements that are clearly telling us that as a society it’s time to do things differently. It is time to fill in the pieces of what we are missing, and to restore the fragmented, discombobulated patterns back to flow, coherence and wholeness.
As we do the healing work, we slowly shift the pattern from the rigid, defensive, scared, survival-based pattern into a pattern that is more flexible, resilient, coherent, and anchored in the present.
This is the work of neuroplasticity, which is the gradual rewiring of our system, reorganizing, changing, and growing into connections that are more supportive for our current-day reality.
Let us remember that an eating “disorder” is not something that is wrong, and as such should be shamed. An eating disorder is a sign that someone is in a place of fear and protection, and at the core is yearning for safety and attunement.
An eating disorder with all of its physiological hurt and emotional pain that it brings, underneath it all is a small child asking to be loved.
Rewiring the pattern to hold love, to express, offer and receive love, and authentic connection is a life-long path.
This path asks not just you to do the individual work, but is a collective undertaking, because when society agrees to offer genuine safety and attunement, this greatly impacts the wiring of our nervous system which in turn affects our ability to digest food as well as the unprocessed sensations, emotions, and memories.
Each step towards regulating, reclaiming, releasing, and remembering shifts the eating "disorder” into a more trusting, intuitive, compassionate, and grounded pattern.
This not only changes the way we eat, but how we relate to others, how to care for, listen to, and attune to those around us.