The Hunger Beneath The Hunger
Following the Pang: Let Your Longing Lead the Way
I am sitting here with a feeling I can’t quite name.
A flaming thread pulls at my heart, tugged by thousands of butterflies, away from the familiar shore of safety and toward a vast, unformed unknown. That’s the feeling.
I’m calling this feeling longing.
Longing calls us beyond what’s comfortable but no longer true, stirring the parts of us that were taught to settle, comply, or give in.
The Tension Between Desire and Safety
Moving toward what my soul longs for brings up all kinds of deeply rooted patterns and beliefs. Maybe you resonate with some of them:
I learned early to abandon what I desire and instead chose what others preferred.
I changed who I was or what I wanted to be accepted.
I had to disconnect from myself to get what I desire.
Stepping into what I wanted felt disgusting or like I will die.
I was scared that if I chose this for myself, it will be the wrong choice, and I will fail.
Is it ok for me to want?
For a long time, I told myself “I don’t know” when asked what I wanted. Not because I didn’t know, but because it felt safer to not know. Safer to delude and confuse myself and let others choose for me instead.
It’s safer to whisper “I don’t mind what we do” than potentially hurting another with the truth of my honest desires. It’s safer to mumble “it’s fine, whatever you choose” than risk having my autonomy thwarted or shamed. It's safer to be passive than actively going for something and possibly messing up.
This pattern of not knowing what I wanted stemmed from a deeper belief: Wanting was weakness. For me, wanting = greedy, lazy, loose, hedonistic, dangerous, yucky.
Not wanting made me feel likeable. Easy going. The good girl. Low maintenance.
But it also meant squashing the soul’s voice. I learned to “accept” whatever I was given rather than choosing for myself. At least then I was safe.
Another layer beneath this was the fear that if I chose what I wanted — and it didn’t work out — it would mean I had made the wrong decision. That I had failed (and therefore… was a failure). That I couldn’t be trusted with myself.
Wanting something and choosing it meant taking responsibility, and for someone with perfectionistic tendencies, that felt overwhelmingly terrifying.
What Matters More: Our Needs or Our Attachment?
Many of us, especially in early attachment dynamics, learn to choose connection over authenticity. We fawn. We overly flex. We collapse. We stop asking for what we need. Or we become secretive or sneaky, attempting to meet our needs through the backdoor.
It becomes a complex dance. And an exhausting one, filled with strategies and coping behaviours to keep up the inauthentic yet "acceptable" performance.
But let us all remember:
Your longing is sacred.
As John O’Donohue writes:
“Longing is the voice of your soul, it constantly calls you to be fully present in your life, to live to the full the one life given to you.”
Or as Kahlil Gibran reminds us:
“It is the depth of your longing that calls you to the journey of your soul.”
Your deepest longing is your highest calling.
What Happens When We Ignore the Ache
We can bypass the journey of longing. Many do. But it often leads to anxiety, depression, compulsive behaviour, grasping for unsatisfying substitutes, or the persisent ache of regret.
Look my friends, we don’t have time for that anymore.
I don’t need to go on too much about this, but we are living in a time of collective disruption. What people are calling a polycriss. The old ways are breaking down, and the future is wildly unknown.
This moment invites us to realign with what truly matters. Following your soul’s longings is what will help us collectively move through this massive transition. The disruption brings forth a blank canvas for us to co-create something more aligned with the truths of our hearts.
Disorder is a portal to new order. Breakdown can become breakthrough.
It is through this transitional period that we can start orienting to what sort of breakthrough we want to contribute towards. This requires us attuning to our soul’s deepest longings, face the shame and fear that block them, and say a courageous YES to what is uniquely ours to do.
“blessed be the longing that brought you here
and quickens your soul with wonder. may you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire
that disturbs you when you have settled for something safe. may you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease
to discover the new direction your longing wants you to take. may you come to accept your longing as divine urgency.”
— John O’Donohue, For Longing
What Are You Longing For?
If you’re not quite sure yet, that’s okay. Here are some questions to sit with:
What am I curious about?
What stops me in my tracks in awe or wonder?
What do I fear will happen if I reach for what I want?
Where am I being complicit in something I no longer want?
Is there a whisper of wisdom I can no longer ignore?
What do I want to give myself permission to do more of?
What truth am I avoiding — and why?
When I am centered, I can...
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”
— Rumi
When The Body Is Hungry
Longing and desire arise in the body. Listening to them requires body literacy, somatic attunement, and a willingness to hear what was once exiled.
When ignored or rationalized away, soul-starvation often shows up in reoccurring dreams, intrusive thoughts, jealousy, secrecy, or gnawing discontent.
When embraced, it feels like:
A sense of centered alignment
Butterflies of excitement
A magnetic pull toward something
Inspiration, admiration, clarity
A buzz of aliveness
Mobilized expansion
Hunger
Hunger is not the enemy.
To want, is to feel hungry for something.
Hunger drives change. It catalyzes movement. It’s how our ancestors survived, driving them to venture far and wide to find food and inadvertently explore new lands. Even when we don’t know quite where we’re going, hunger propels us forward and brings transformation.
Reclaiming Hunger in Recovery
In eating disorder patterns, hunger and longing are often distorted or distrusted. We’re taught not to want, need, and certainly not desire. Diet culture convinces us to want something else, shames us for wanting in the first place, and then shuns us when we naturally end up bingeing on what we really want.
But the healing path invites a reunion with hunger — in all its forms.
Psychedelic medicine, when safely held, reconnects us to our inner compass, revealing desires long buried beneath shame. Through microdosing and somatic practices, I’ve watched people rekindle their connection with their inner voice, soften toward their desires, and begin to reach from a place of centered choice, not internalized shoulds.
We begin choosing from a place of truth, not fear. From longing, not lack.
So I ask:
What is your soul deeply hungry for?
Belonging? Spiritual connection? Creative expression? To sing? To rest? To feel the warmth of another’s touch? To be witnessed? To build altars for the Divine? To dance?
A few years ago, I began feeling a quiet pull back to the horses. I had spent most of my life riding competitively until my mid-20s, and then stopped completely. There were chances to reconnect, but none felt quite right. I wasn’t craving a little trail ride — I was hungry for something deeper, a longing to be with them in a new way.
I wanted to meet them from a place of mutual respect. Not to direct or dominate, but to listen and relate. Seven years later, the moment arrived. I found myself with a beautiful herd. (You can see a glimpse of my most recent visit here.)
That long ache taught me something I’m still learning: how to become centered enough in myself to meet what I love with presence, not urgency. The hunger led me, and it also asked me to wait. It asked me to trust in timing, in ripeness, in readiness.
I’m beginning to understand that when we follow our true hunger, the strange pull of what we love, with patience and presence, something inside begins to settle. The heart knows: this is where I’m meant to be.
Denying our longing is a form of restriction. And we all know:
Diets. Don’t. Work.
Your wants and desires are worthy to be pursued.
You cannot fail by following resonance.
What you give and receive are supported.
It is safe enough for you to reach for what you want.
