Holding and Being Held: A Somatic Journey for Eating Disorder Recovery
When we are radically brave enough to let go of the eating disorder patterns and allow our intuitive eating and intuitive being to rise, there is an awakening.
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We cannot talk ourselves into eating disorder recovery. It is a somatic process. There is a beautiful dynamic of holding and being held, and is the embodied journey that those in eating disorder recovery experience.
When we hold ourselves with an energy of unwavering stability, committing to love ourselves no matter what, there is safety to go deep within, listen, and live from an authentically aligned and embodied place.
When we offer ourselves an inner ground and stable framework to move from, we are free to soar, infinite possibilities blossom and rise.
For some, inadequate support was given as a child; there may have been too much or too little. And so, to reconcile this misattunement, they had to learn how to hold themselves without receiving a clear reflection for how to go about it. This is where eating disorders, substance and other behavioural addictions, somatic patterns of tension or collapse, and beliefs around unworthiness or not enoughness develop to provide protection (or holding) for the psyche.
Eating disorder recovery is learning how to hold ourselves differently and start to acknowledge, with a kind gaze, what it is that we are holding – which is often something sacred, vulnerable, and so deeply precious.
And those sacred, precious, and sensitive parts of us desire and need the most tender holding and support.
Not only do we need to learn how to support ourselves in a new light, but we also need to believe that all parts of ourselves deserve and are worthy of the deepest care and love.
What are you holding and who is holding you?
We can only hold these precious parts when we have taken the brave step of going into the metaphorical forest. When we enter this place, we enter the process of initiation. Only by going into the depths of the dark forest can we view our stories, traumas, intergenerational and collective wounding, limiting beliefs, and blind spots. This is the shadow work that we all must do to step into an integrated, expansive, grounded, and authentic embodiment.
By digging into the forest soil, we begin to clear the old wounds and churn the soil. The parts of us that were hidden deep in the ground come to the surface to be seen and held. At their core, they want to blossom and soak in the warmth of sun and the freshness of water.
Through the conscious creation of an inner soul garden, we plant seeds of humble and good intentions, watering and tending to these precious seeds with care. When the right conditions have fallen into place, the seeds grow into treasures.
The treasures are found in the wounds.
Plant medicine and Psychedelics helps us see, hold, and be held by own our treasures.
We see ourselves on a deeper level and the truth of our inner beauty is revealed to us. When we recognise (and remember) the medicine that resides within, we perceive the outside world in the same way, leading to an increased sense of interconnection.
Through the support of sacred plant medicine, microdosing, and psychedelics, they reflect back to us reminding us of why we are walking this path, our value, and our potential.
When we develop the capacity to embrace ourselves and believe that we are deserving to be embrace, we from a secure attachment within ourselves based safety, integrity, connection, contribution, and love.
1. CLEAR YOUR INNER OBSTACLES
The first step toward finding the balance between holding and being held is to attain a state of openness. That requires observing all the moments when you put yourself down, spin into a shame or guilt spiral, or judge yourself. This is the first step: noticing the patterns of inner obstacles, “hidden enemies”, or negative self-image.
It is possible however you may fear that without your old, familiar sense of ED-identity, you are nothing. I know the thought all too well of “I don’t know who I am without the ED” - but as we observe our negative self-image, we start to see the illusions and veils of untruths (which is a process that plant medicine and microdosing can support us in) and notice how the eating disorder is holding us back. Over time, a new way of perceiving and relating to ourselves arises that is rooted in worth, connection, and freedom.
2. OPEN TO YOUR POTENTIAL
By observing the clouds of negative self-image and becoming more familiar with this new sense of self-worth, you will begin to feel an even greater opening and sense of peace. The ability to move from a spacious place where there are feelings of inner harmony, worthiness, and clarity, a sense of unlimited potential arises.
3. NURTURE A SENSE OF WARMTH
Once you have realized a sense of openness, confidence, and unlimited potential, then a feeling of warmth of emerges. Unlike the eating disorder that is cold, distant, and rigid, the embodied self is warm and joyful. From this warmth, flexibility, softness, and creativity can manifest. Once the clouds have dissolved, revealing the clear, vast sky, that the warmth of the sun’s rays can nourish the inner garden. Warmth is the place from which love, kindness, compassion, expansiveness, and creativity arise. Warmth is the language of the heart and when we reside in this space, we can hold ourselves and be held wholeheartedly and unconditionally.
This is embodied recovery. The process of holding ourselves and allowing ourselves to be held is a somatic healing journey that changes the ways in which our body supports itself and how moves through the world.
This somatic process shifts how we relate with others, communicate boundaries, processes emotions, create structure and flow in our daily lives, recognize safety and danger, and integrate beliefs about ourselves and the world.
When we hold ourselves differently, and allow ourselves to be held, we nurture and value ourselves in a new light, and we remember why we came to this Earth, our purpose, and the medicine within.