Medicine Within: A Nature Retreat for Ceremony, Movement, and Renewal

✨ 5–7 December 2025 | Phakalane Retreat, Hout Bay, Cape Town ✨

In a world that moves fast and demands more, there comes a moment when the body whispers, slow down, come home.

Medicine Within Retreat is that pause: a three-day retreat designed to help you tune out the noise of daily life and reconnect with the quiet wisdom already living inside you.

A Retreat to Reconnect and Remember

Set in the forests of Phakalane Retreat at the foothills of the Hout Bay mountains, Medicine Within brings together guided ceremony, ritual, movement, sound healing, and creative reflection.

Surrounded by indigenous plant life and the sweet sounds of birdsong, you’ll have space to listen, remember, and return to what truly matters.

You’ll be invited to explore how ceremony, nature, and embodied practices can restore clarity, compassion, and creativity: the medicine that already exists within you.

What You’ll Experience

Over the course of three nourishing days, you’ll move through:

• Morning Microdosing Medicine Ceremony with cacao, meditation, movement, and earth-honouring rituals

• Intuitive Movement Sessions to release tension, invite vitality, and play

• Creative Integration Practices through ritual, art collage, journaling, and group sharing

• Sound Healing Journey to ground and rebalance

• Nature Connection via forest hikes to nearby waterfalls

• Sauna and Fireside Gatherings for rest, reflection, and community

Every element is designed to help you re-pattern old ways of being, expand your perspective, and step into more centered, authentic alignment.

Who This Retreat Is For

Medicine Within is ideal for those who:

• Feel called to slow down and integrate the year in nature

• Are exploring ceremonial or psychedelic practices such as microdosing

• Crave embodied ways to reconnect with creativity and purpose

• Appreciate stillness, gentle community, and mindful ritual

• Seek personal growth through movement, reflection, and nature-based spirituality

Whether you’re travelling from South Africa, Europe, or the US, this weekend retreat offers a sanctuary for introspection and renewal, inviting you to remember that the healing you seek already lives within you.

Why Phakalane Retreat

Nestled in a lush forest only 25 minutes from Cape Town, Phakalane Retreat embodies wabi-sabi elegance, and beauty in simplicity. The sanctuary offers sweeping mountain views, access to pristine hiking trails, and spaces curated for stillness and renewal. It’s the perfect blend of nature’s wildness and modern comfort, allowing you to fully unwind without needing to travel far.

Your Facilitator

Francesca Rose Annenberg is a trauma-informed somatic practitioner specializing in nervous system health, microdosing and psychedelic integration, disordered eating and body image, and intuitive movement practices and contact improvisation.

Her work weaves together an animist worldview with frameworks like Polyvagal Theory, IFS, and attachment theory, creating spaces where participants can safely reconnect with their bodies and rediscover trust in their own inner wisdom.

“Your body is your greatest ally and wisest guide. Healing begins when you learn to listen.”

How to Join

Because Medicine Within includes ceremonial work, all participants are asked to book a free 30-minute preparation call with Francesca before attending.

To reserve your place:
Email hello@francescaeatsroses.com

Download the retreat brochure here.

Check out the retreat setting here.

Spaces are limited to ensure an intimate, supportive experience.
Download the retreat brochure below for full details on pricing, accommodation, and preparation.

Metabolizing Love: What Grief Has Taught Me About Recovery

I’m sitting at a new desk, in a new chair, looking out at a new view. I’ve just moved homes after closing a significant chapter in my life, and things feels tender, liminal, becoming.

New roots are still finding strength. Branches reach out unsure, yet bravely, into this unfamiliar terrain. My inner trunk steadies as I slowly make sense of what has ended and what is beginning.

Becoming My Own Inner Tree

In this transition, I am learning that no one can be the roots for me. No one can reach out and make choices that are ultimately mine alone to make. No one can act as my center.

I am being asked to become my own inner tree from the inside-out. I am learning how to show up for myself.

This wasn’t always the case. Just before moving, I reread a diary I kept during my time as an in-patient at an eating disorder clinic, sixteen years ago.

I had just finished high school, and on 2 December 2009 I scrawled: “in a depressing, badly decorated place to eat a lot of food.” Back then, I could only frame my experience through anger and rejection.

Grieving My Younger Self

The only thing I knew how to show up for was the eating disorder itself. I clung to restriction, obsessed with the size of my stomach, and grasped onto exercise to punish, soothe, and escape.

Reading those pages, I felt deep grief for my younger self who was always trying to crawl out of her own skin. Every emotion was masked as “feeling fat.” Her world shrank with each repetitive thought of “just one less kilo”, the world spinning out of control by the slightest bloat.

As I read between the lines, I could see how she was afraid of existing as herself. She wanted to be so small, so perfect, her belief of “I’ll never ever be enough” driving her out of sight.

Her obsession with muscles was her attempt at building armor, a shield from an overwhelming world she feared would crush her if she exposed her authenticity.

At the core, she feared the very vulnerability that makes connection possible — and so she remained hungry for it.

Learning to Love Without Restriction

If I could name the essence of my recovery, it has been this: learning to love without restriction.

Sixteen years later, another ending calls me back to that same lesson. As I navigate letting go, I notice the part of me that wants to go small rise again.

Rather than pathologizing it, as it had been when I was an inpatient, I welcome it in. I no longer see the ED part of me as something bad, but rather as a protector carrying wisdom.

Perhaps you’ve had moments too, when heartbreak, grief, or change stirred old patterns of wanting to control, hide, or “tighten up.” In my work, I see this often — how old survival strategies surface during times of groundlessness, not to harm us, but to remind us of the importance of moving toward safety and presence during turbulent transitions.

I’ve come to believe that even the chaos of an eating disorder is attempting to point us toward greater order and alignment.

Recovery in Real Time

As I usher this scared part that wants me to go small and give it space to be heard, I hear it whispering something deeper than the fear of “feeling fat.”

She says: “I’m scared. I don’t know if I know how to love. If I open my heart, I might get crushed — or even crush another. What if I end up alone forever? I fear I might get to the end of my life having restricted myself from experiencing love.”

I feel tears as I write this. The belief beneath these fears is simple. It’s not “I’m too fat”, it’s “I am not lovable.”

That belief shapeshifted itself into maladaptive food behaviours and body image obsessions, distracting me from seeing what was truly beneath the surface.

Beyond Food: What Eating Disorders Teach Us

Digging deeper into the words that I wrote in my diary as an 18-year-old, I was once again reminded of how eating disorders stem so much further beyond the food.

Maybe you've seen this in your life too. The belief of “I’m not loveable” may have made you shrink (physically and/or emotionally) until there was no room for love to land. It may have led you into relationships where you could not show up fully, or where the other could not show up for you. It may have driven you to keep busy, always moving, never yielding close to anything.

Each time I meet this part of me that wants to shrink out of fear, I notice I can stay a little longer with it. I meet it with softness and compassion. This is recovery in real-time.

Grief and Love: Dancing Sisters

And here I am, invited closer to the love within myself. To know its textures: from the pummeling of grief to the soaring of bliss. What a gift this moment is — an opportunity, a lesson, a rewriting of how I meet endings, transitions, and beginnings.

For how we grieve is how we love. Indeed, grief and love are dancing sisters, two sides of the same coin.

My recovery has always been about one thing: learning to metabolize love (and therefore grief). To drink it in. To taste every part of it, even the pain. To lick my lips knowing that I exist — a human, in a body, able and willing to feel it all.

Thank you for being part of this journey. I write this with the knowing that my healing is your healing, your healing is my healing, and our healing is inseparable.

If this resonated with you, I would love to hear how it moved you.

When Beauty Isn’t Real: Vogue’s AI Model and the Danger to Eating Disorder Recovery and Body Trust

Vogue’s AI Model: A New Benchmark That Isn’t Human

In August 2025, Vogue published a fashion campaign with a flawless, AI-generated model: blonde, blue-eyed, white-toothed, and toned. The only clue was a tiny disclaimer in the corner of the page.

The internet lit up with concern. On TikTok, one user wrote: “So first normal women are comparing themselves to edited models… Now we have to compare ourselves to women that don’t even exist???”

This isn’t just about fashion. It’s about the messages we take into our bodies: messages about worth, desirability, and what it means to be enough.

Perfectionism on Steroids

Social media has already trained us to edit, smooth, and filter ourselves for approval. What started as playful dog-ear filters turned into apps that reshape bone structure and erase every line.

AI takes this one step further. Now, the comparison isn’t between your body and a retouched photo — it’s between your body and a fantasy that doesn’t exist.

For anyone healing from an eating disorder, this is particularly dangerous. Eating disorders often root in perfectionism and comparison. If the standard of beauty is now AI-generated, our human attempts will never measure up. That endless striving is exactly what fuels disconnection and dissastifaction from the body.

Losing Touch With Human Beauty

Over the past decade, fashion has inched toward inclusivity, featuring more body types, ages, ethnicities, abilities, and genders. AI risks erasing that hard-won progress.

When trained on biased datasets, AI tends to replicate outdated ideals: thin, white, young, symmetrical. These “perfect” bodies promote the same unattainable standards that eating disorder recovery works so hard to dismantle.

Slowly, if we are not careful, we’ll forget what raw, unedited, natural human beauty looks and feels like. And when we lose touch with that, we lose touch with ourselves. Beauty always comes from the inside-out.

Embodiment as Resistance

Embodiment is the antidote to AI perfectionism. When we come back into our bodies through feeling hunger and fullness cues, breathing, moving with pleasure, we begin to loosen the grip of comparison. By inward, we turn away from outward competing.

Recovery asks us to honour the aliveness of our bodies, not their likeness to a machine-generated image. It invites us to trust that beauty is found in wisdom of wrinkles, scars, stretch marks, and softness — in the stories our bodies carry.

Choosing embodiment over AI perfection isn’t just personal healing; it’s cultural resistance. It says: I will not erase myself for your standards.

What We Risk Losing

This isn’t just about models. AI campaigns displace photographers, makeup artists, stylists, and other creatives whose artistry celebrates human expression. And most of all, they erase the lived experience of people in real bodies.

The danger isn’t simply that we’ll compare ourselves to images that don’t exist. It’s that we’ll forget the profound worth of our own bodies, exactly as they are.

Coming Home to Ourselves

AI-generated beauty will always be flawless. But flawless is lifeless and soulless.

Eating disorder recovery and embodiment remind us that the cracks, the textures, softness, and lines are what makes us alive. Our raw, lived experience and the beautiful wisdom gained from moving through it all is what makes us human.

In a world rushing toward synthetic beauty, the most radical act is to reclaim our body as it is. To remember that no algorithm can touch the wisdom, resilience, and depth of a living, breathing human being.

👉 What do you think? Does AI beauty fuel your perfectionism, or can it be a reminder to return to the body you’re already in?

Trusting the Rest Before the Rise: A Somatic Approach to Healing and New Beginnings

As we enter a new seasonal cycle — emerging from winter in the south, winding down from summer in the north — many of us feel the quiet stirring of change. This transitional time offers an opportunity to pause, integrate, digest, and reset. In eating disorder recovery, these pauses are more than symbolic — they are essential phases of healing.

In a world that celebrates productivity and hustle, pausing often gets dismissed. The cultural pressure to do, to set goals, optimize routines, to tighten up loose ends — the pace is relentless, often pushing us to skip over the quiet magic of rest and integration in favor of constant striving.

But the body also needs rest in its cycle of action. This part of the cycle is considered the parasympathetic “rest and digest” state, and it is where completion and integration occur — where nourishment gets assimilated and where leftovers are released.

From this place of digestion, where we take in what we need and let go what is no longer required, space, clarity, and balance emerge.

For those healing their relationship with food and body, this rest-and-digest phase, which is essentially an ending of a (food) cycle, can feel unfamiliar. Endings may bring up agitation, stillness may stir discomfort, and the absence of distractions can surface unprocessed emotions or unmetabolized experiences.

Yet healing isn’t just about action — it’s also about allowing. Rest isn’t giving up; it’s tuning in. And we need to land, be, rest, and allow if we wish to heal, grow, and transform.

Why We Resist Stillness in Recovery

It’s common to resist rest. The quiet liminality might feel threatening when we’ve long equated movement with progress, control with safety. For many in recovery, stillness can be tangled with guilt, fear, shame, or a sense of inadequacy.

Whether it shows up as compulsive movement, post-meal anxiety, bingeing or restricting, or the endless grind of doing — these responses often reflect our nervous system’s way of coping with the vulnerability of endings and unknowns.

When we bulldoze past endings or transitions, we leave cycles incomplete — and in that incompletion, we often feel confused, unfulfilled, insatiable, hungry for more, and perpetually “not enough.”

But since we cannot leave rest out of the cycle, it will find its way in, and more often than not (and unfortunately), stillness finds us only through the slamming doorway of burnout or illness.

Completing the Cycle: Rest as Sacred Metabolism

Rest is not passive nor indulgent. It’s a vital process of assimilation — of metabolizing not just nutrients, but emotions, experiences, and beliefs. In eating disorder recovery, this phase supports the nervous system to recalibrate, the body to repair, and the heart to reconnect with a deeper sense of enoughness.

By honouring endings — the pauses between chapters — we make space for clarity to emerge. Instead of rushing into the next strategy or urgent self-improvement plan, we learn to trust our inner rhythm, and step forward with greater intention, guided by our lucid, inner wisdom. This is how we let transformation unfold from the inside out, rather than from yet another place of doing.

Living the Liminal: Trusting the Space Between

This season invites us to slow down and listen. Whether you’re stepping out of winter’s cocoon or beginning to release summer’s fullness, it’s a powerful time to pause, reflect, and reorient.

Liminal space — the “in-between” — is fertile ground. It’s where something old dissolves, and something new hasn’t yet formed. It’s the butterfly in the cocoon of metamorphosis.

In somatic recovery, this space is crucial. It’s where we learn to hold sensation, to tolerate uncertainty, and to let clarity emerge in its own time. Indeed, there are actual skillsets for the mind, body and heart that we can learn, refine, and master so that that we can move through each new chapter of our lives with grace, resiliency, and courage.

Change doesn’t happen only by doing. It happens by changing the way we relate to doing. This is the heart of embodied recovery — not fixing ourselves, but learning to meet ourselves with compassion, curiosity, and trust.

Even when clarity feels distant, we can rest in the knowing that life is always in motion, and that the unknown will eventually reveal itself.

The rest before the rise: do you trust it?

Trusting this pause allows us to open the door to new beginnings, stepping forward with clarity and intention.

Somatic Reflections for This Season

Take a few moments to drop into your body and gently reflect on the following:

• How does your body hold the experience of “I haven’t done enough”?

• What is calling for your attention to be properly digested? An unresolved emotion? An unacknowledged experience?

• What nourishment — physical, emotional, or spiritual — might help you meet these undigested places within?

• What does it feel like in your body to believe, even for a moment, “I am enough”?

Take the time to integrate what is ending, clear away any fog of doubt, and gently add in supportive, soul-based nourishment — whether that’s in the form of embodiment practices, nature, community, or tender self-compassion.

Rise When You're Ready — Not When You're Rushed

Life’s mysteries unfold when we loosen our grip on certainty and set down the heavy armor of to-do lists, making space for the delightfully surprising, inspiring and invigorating magic.

As this new cycle mysteriously unfolds, may you give yourself permission to rise slowly. To integrate what’s been, tend to what’s here, and celebrate the magic that is bound to come.

You don’t have to start with a sprint. Recovery is cyclical, not linear. Let yourself rest, digest, and return (again and again) — not from pressure or perfectionism, but from trust.

When we allow rest and digest, we find ourselves more present, more attuned to our needs, and more empowered to act from a place of clarity and trust.

Trust that in your body’s rhythm lies the wisdom of transformation. Rest in the knowing that you’re already on your way.

A Prayer for Nourishment: Honouring Hunger, Healing, and the Sacredness of Food

Hunger is universal, yet access to food is not. Around the world, we are witnessing how food is being weaponized, while many of us struggle to feel safe and connected in our relationship with nourishment. This prayer for nourishment is an invitation to honour hunger, remember that food is sacred, and reflect on how our healing is deeply tied to each other and the Earth.

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It’s become harder to show up on this social media to speak about food.

As someone who works in the eating disorder recovery field, and as a white, privileged woman who once starved herself for years, day after day, denying nourishment, talking about food and sharing content about eating has become increasingly difficult.

I acknowledge that by not always speaking openly, I have, at times, contributed to the bypassing nature we so often see in the health and wellness industry. This industry continues to uphold a “perfect” image, often speaking to nervous system regulation, health, and well-being as if they exist solely at the individual level.

But as we bear witness to wars where food is weaponized — a method of control — our individualistic approach to achieving health and healing is no longer sustainable. The health and healing of our fellow human beings and of the Earth is interdependent on our individual well-being. 

There was a time in my life when I chose not to eat, not because I didn’t have access to food, but because I felt unsafe, unworthy, and alone — at war with myself.

To even begin to fathom that there are millions of people for whom food is being weaponized, for whom access is out of reach, and for whom one of the main sources of life is used to kill — this puts my own access to food into perspective. Food can both nurture life and destroy it.

When food is intentionally used to dehumanize, to strip away the right to a dignified existence, we must remember that the memory of starvation becomes etched deeply into the body. That memory is carried forward as somatic inheritance from generation to generation, from body to body. Starvation is trauma.

Even though I’ve been in recovery for many years, if I don’t eat when I’m hungry, my body still goes into a panic. The fear of not getting food remains: a painful reminder of the harm I once caused my body, an innocent body that was only ever trying to protect me.

I share this not to compare my lived experience with the reality of those who are forcibly starved, nor to suggest I fully understand their suffering, but to share the complexity of how the body remembers. Hunger leaves a gaping hole. 

My hope in sharing this is to spark reflection.

If you are struggling with an eating disorder in the midst of wars and genocides, please know: your story still deeply matters, your journey is equally important, and your healing is needed. The world needs you nourished, resourced, and whole — now more than ever — so that together, we can support one another and care for the Earth.  

Your healing is my healing.  

Our healing is collective healing.

May we always hear our hunger.

May we remember that having food to eat is a basic human right, not something to be earned. No one should ever be denied nourishment — no matter their story, their skin color, their beliefs, or their desires.

Your hunger matters. May we have the compassion to truly hear another’s hunger.  

May we nourish ourselves, each other, and the Earth that sustains us in ways that are reciprocal, honouring, and kind.

May we offer gratitude for the clean water we drink, for the vibrant and diverse foods we are privileged to enjoy. May we offer gratitude to the animals, plants, gardeners, farmers, workers, drivers, and shopkeepers who help bring that food to our plates each day.

May we offer gratitude to the sun, the rains, the clouds, the winds, and the soils that grow what gives us life.  

May we remember to give back to our Earth Mother, who feeds us each day without judgment or prejudice.

May we never forget the privilege of being able to choose to eat.  

May our nourished bodies be strong enough to take action, to bear witness, and to care for others.

May we remember that food is sacred. That all life is sacred.

May we honour the cycles of life and death, remembering that we are forever interconnected.

May your plate become a place of peace.

This is a prayer for nourishment — for ourselves, for each other, and for the Earth.

May we listen to each other’s hunger with open hearts. May we respond to our own hunger and fill our own cups to adequately support those in need.

May we have the courage to grieve our own hungers that were never met or that we denied ourselves. May we have to courage to turn towards those who currently do not have a choice to eat.

These words are an attempt to digest what is going on in the world. Feeling the wounds of the world brings healing. I hope these words arrive gently.

I hope you find one glimmer in your day that lifts your spirit and reminds you are here, alive.

A Cloud with a Face: Remembering I Belong

A Cloud with a Face: Remembering I Belong

A few hours into a mushroom journey, I hit yet another wall of confusion, doubt, and uncertainty. I found myself caught between the quiet, intuitive knowing of my body and the louder, rationalizing voices of my mind.

I felt stuck.
Pendulum-swinging.
Taking one step forward, then one step back.

Then, after much inner wriggling, I finally paused — and fear spilled out of me.

At first, I was afraid of the fear itself. But then I softened, became curious, and recognized the feeling:

The deep, human fear of being alone. Of not belonging. Of not being welcomed on this planet.

This fear took me to a much younger part of myself.

She was terrified that if she surrendered to the wisdom of her body — if she let it guide her — she would be swept away, lost in the unknown, and utterly alone. She believed the body was too wild, too dangerous, too unsafe to trust.

The mind, she believed, was where she could strategize, perform, and people-please to minimize the risk of rejection and protect herself from the gut-wrenching pain of being unwelcomed.

I thanked her for protecting me the only way she knew how.

Later, I stepped outside, lifted my arms to the sky, and let my eyes drink in the clouds.

And then — a face appeared in the clouds.

I knew, instantly, I was connecting with something divine.

And just as quickly, I contracted.
“Who am I to receive this?” I thought.
I didn’t feel worthy. I couldn’t welcome in this beauty. Who was I to deserve such a meeting? I had nothing to show. I didn’t believe I deserved such a moment of interconnection.

But then I remembered the young part of me — the one afraid of being alone.
And I gently told her: “Look up.”

And in that moment, we both saw what was true:

There is a mysterious, unbroken, benevolent force that welcomes us — all of us — home with the deepest of love. Not despite our fear, our stuckness, or our shame, but with it. As we are.

My body softened.
Bracing became embracing.
Contraction gave way to curiosity.
Fear transformed into a felt sense of connection and love.

The shape of the cloud shifted.
It became a female form — my form — and I remembered:

God is not outside me. God is within.

I felt my younger part expanding, as she stepped closer towards expressing what her heart knew at birth: she belongs unconditionally.

The Body’s Wisdom Is Not Something to Fear

This moment was a somatic reminder that:

💡 Story follows state.

As my nervous system shifted out of fear and into safety, my worldview softened too.

And that’s when it landed:

Can I trust that as all of me comes forward into existence, I am enough?

It’s the same question I see arise in so many of my clients navigating eating disorder recovery.
And it’s at the heart of the healing path.

When Life Force Wasn’t Met, We Learned to Disappear

For many of us with eating disorders or disordered eating, there is a core wound around not being welcomed in our full, authentic life force.

As children, when we began expanding into the world, expressing, individuating, becoming, we often weren’t met with attunement. Diet culture then capitalizes on this mistrust, convincing us to instead rely on external rules, starving us from our own life force and wisdom.

When our life force hasn’t been allowed to be fully embodied, we can be highly influenced by other people’s wants and needs as we lack inner clarity to know what is it that we are needing, wanting or feeling.

When we can't accurately perceive or interpret the cues that our bodies are giving us, either by hyper-focusing or under-focusing on them, the choices we make lead to dysregulation and stress in the body.

We learned that our aliveness wasn’t safe.
We internalized the belief that our needs were too much, our bodies were a problem, and that being ourselves meant risking rejection.

“It’s not okay for me to exist.”
“I can’t trust my body.”
“I don’t belong.”
“I’m broken and unworthy.”

But when held with compassion, this wound becomes a portal.

A way back to the truth that:

We are inherently welcome here.
Our life force is not dangerous.
It is sacred and is a gift.

Psychedelics Can Help Us Remember What We Forgot

When approached with care, safety, and reverence, psychedelics can transform old wounds into new wisdom.

They support us in:

• Listening to the body’s inner cues (interoception)

• Trusting our intuitive knowing

• Honouring wants, needs, and boundaries

• Returning to the intelligence within

• Plugging us back into our interconnection with the wider web

Resting back into this greater weave of connection is the fuel that can allow us to trust in our bodies, listen to its guidance, and takes leaps of faith into the unknown — because we know on a cellular level that we not alone on this life’s walk. For me, this embodied remembering that psychedelics offer us is one of the life’s greatest gifts.

And often, it begins with one simple, courageous step: Trust the body’s wisdom.

When We Expand Into Embodiment, Food Begins to Feel Different

As we grow our capacity to be with the sensations and signals of our body, our relationship with food naturally begins to shift.

Instead of relying on external rules, we begin to:

• Notice hunger and fullness with more precision

• Explore food preferences with curiosity

• Understand how different foods feel in our bodies

By expanding more awareness into our body container, we begin to explore the edges and depths of our own life force and embodied expression.

When we reclaim our interoception, our body’s inner compass, our choices become more centered, regulated, and aligned.

Indeed, as we deepen into our sense embodiment, we bring sharper focus to our inner state. This is a discovery and a practice of seeing ourselves more clearly.

It is uncovering, recovering and discovering who we truly are underneath the layers of protection, conditioning and fear (which has often been carried through many generations).

This is what recovery is about:

✨ Not fixing ourselves — but finally seeing ourselves clearly.

When we truly see ourselves, we remember that we are inherently enough.

The Clarity Psychedelics Bring Is a Gift

In psychedelic states, the brain’s default mode network quiets, and the rigid stories of who we think we are begin to dissolve.

We are invited to:

• Feel the clarity of our inner compass

• Reclaim exiled or forgotten parts of ourselves

• See our truth beneath the fear

The word clarity comes from clarus — meaning bright, shining, luminous.

And when we reclaim that clarity, we can let our unique life force flow through us — with grace, sovereignty, and trust.

Your Healing Is My Healing

The body wants to heal. It longs to be vibrant, alive, fully expressed.

And when we allow that healing, it doesn't just transform us.
It ripples outward.

💞 Your healing is my healing.
My healing is your healing.
Our healing is all healing.

When we trust the body again, a wise remembering occurs:

I am welcomed on this Earth.
My life force is not a burden.
I am safe to be who I am.

Final Blessing: Look Up

So let this be your gentle reminder:

Your body is not the problem. Your life force is not too much. You are worthy.
You are not alone.

Look up.

You never know what you might receive.

Photo by Tsuyoshi Kozu on Unsplash

What Wants To Warm Up? Coming Out Of Functional Freeze In Eating Disorder Recovery

Change is in the air.

After living nomadically for a few years, I finally found myself on solid ground, only to watch everything I had built dissolve. What followed was a deep season of groundlessness, one that invited me to slow down, step away from being busy, and pause long enough to feel what was beneath it all.

This pause was more than rest. It revealed something I hadn’t seen so clearly before:

I had been living from a nervous system state of functional freeze.

What Is Functional Freeze?

Functional freeze is a state of nervous system dysregulation where mobilizing energy (fight/flight) gets trapped under a blanket of shutdown and numbness. You’re not collapsed or visibly in distress. In fact, on the outside, you're probably highly functional — doing, achieving, showing up.

But internally, it’s like you have the gas and the brake are on at the same time.

With such powerful opposing forces firing simultaneously, over time, the body begins to break down.

This state can insidiously disrupt everything from digestion, sleep, and mood, to immunity and hormonal balance. It’s common in people with addiction and eating disorders, and sadly, it’s also normalized by our hustle culture and diet culture alike.

Functional freeze is often linked to a nervous system that ties the need to prove one’s inner worth and value to external achievements and validation. It’s like you’re running around with an empty cup, giving to others, but unable to nourish and fill up your own cup.

Eating Disorders as Functional Freeze

In my own life, and in the lives of many clients, I’ve come to see eating disorders not just as cognitive distortions, but as somatic strategies — ways the body communicates unmetabolized experiences when words and support are unavailable.

Disordered eating became my body’s way of saying: “Something inside is too much to feel.”

This is why so many people with EDs describe feeling like a “walking head,” numb or robotic. Beneath the freeze is often a highly sensitive, intuitive nervous system that has learned to shut down in order to survive to be in relationship.

What people learn to shut down, numb, repress, block, or invalidate are any feelings that carry a charge that is too big, too much, or unacceptable — as deemed by the people around them. An icy freeze covers everything in order to maintain enough connection, cementing the functional freeze state.

It works for a while until life becomes colourless, dull, tasteless and unfulfilling, starved.

Bottom-Up Healing: Where Change Begins

For years when I was struggling with an eating disorder, I tried top-down approaches to recovery. I focused on stopping behaviours and changing thoughts. But the real shift came when I found polyvagal-informed somatic work and plant medicine.

The changes that have emerged from this healing work has been incremental, over many many years. Breaking the cycle of functional freeze is ancestral and collective, alongside it being an individual journey. The layers are deep, and it takes time to excavate, from the ground up, and to consciously choose to not live or normalize the habitual patterning of functional freeze.

A bottom-up approach is powerful because story follows state.

When we shift the nervous system into regulation (bottom up), the story of the eating disorder (top down) doesn’t need to be fixed or forced away — it begins to transform and dissolve on its own.

In a regulated state:

• Clearer perspective, thought, and rationality returns

• Eating feels more balanced

• Body image improves

• Creativity emerges

• Curiosity blossoms

• Relationships feel safer

• Life feels more possible, naturally, without trying or forcing

This is what bottom-up healing looks like. Rather than pushing ourselves into change, we titrate transformation, adding in sustainable, nourishing tools, practices, and rhythms that help us feel present, safe, and grounded in our bodies again. Rewiring and transforming can only happen when we are present and embodied.

Psychedelics, Flow, and Feeling What Was Frozen

Plant medicines and psychedelics have been an essential part of my journey because they do something very simple yet profound:

They help us feel what we were once unwilling or unable to feel.

In the presence of skilled, somatic-based preparation and integration, psychedelics can support the thawing of freeze, reconnecting us with our bodies, our emotions, and our soul’s deepest longings. This isn’t about forcing catharsis, it’s about returning to an aligned and natural state of warmth, flow, and coherence.

Being able to envision and create a life without an eating disorder-like behaviours becomes accessible as psychedelics widen our vision, soften the limiting beliefs, usher in hope and inspiration, and bring our bodies into a more compassionate and regulated state.

Their visionary capacities helps us widen our space of possibility through helping us dream beyond what we think and embody are possible.

So, How Do We Come Out of Freeze?

Start by asking yourself:

What am I unwilling to feel? (Thank you Tara Brach for this inquiry).

To dethaw the functional freeze, we are required to shift from a state of bracing to one of embracing.

Coming out of functional freeze is not about “doing more.” It’s about accepting and embracing the parts of us we’ve pushed away, especially the tender, fiery, grieving, and longing ones.

Here are some gentle ways to begin:

• Track sensation: Notice what warms you emotionally, physically, spiritually

• Follow pleasure: What brings aliveness? Laughter? Inspiration?

• Welcome parts: Practice self-acceptance towards the frozen or numb states

• Orient to goodness: Let your senses take in beauty, safety, and softness around you

As the freeze begins to thaw and you feel more regulated, digestion improves, intuition returns, relationships feel more connected, and life starts to feel more vibrant, more honest, more you.

This is because when we start coming out of functional freeze, our senses are more accurately perceiving the external environment, we are more attuned to the body and its cues (the internal environment), and we are able to listen to our internal systems that are giving us really important cues for our safety, well-being, and internal sense of balance. This is our intuition coming online.

Functional freeze isn’t a flaw; it’s a brilliant survival strategy that outlived its usefulness. And coming out of it isn’t a race. Dethawing takes time. Let yourself move at the pace of your nervous system.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.” — Carl Rogers

As we embrace ourselves with warmth and honesty, we return to our natural state: regulated, resourced, and resilient.

May you trust your timing. May you listen to the subtle longings within. And may you feel held, always, by your body, by the Earth, by love.

Restore Body Trust at Home: A Somatic Practice Using a Physio Ball

Rebuilding Body Trust, One Bounce At A Time

In eating disorder recovery, reconnecting with your body isn’t just emotional, it’s a physical process. A physio ball may seem like a simple tool, but in the context of somatic healing, it becomes a powerful ally in restoring regulation, boundaries, and interoceptive clarity.

Whether you're recovering from bingeing, restricting, or body image struggles, this at-home practice can support your journey back to body trust, self-regulation, and digestion, from the inside out.

Why a Physio Ball?

The ball is both stable and responsive. When I lie on it, bounce on it, or breathe against it, I feel something solid meeting me. There’s feedback, connection, and an embodied reminder: I exist, I am supported, I belong here.

This kind of physical contact can help:

• Reestablish a sense of safety

• Awaken gut awareness and interoceptive signals

• Support the vagus nerve and digestion

• Build energetic and emotional boundaries

Somatic Practices to Try at Home

1. Yield and Be Held
Lie on your back on the physio ball, draping over it. Feel the support underneath you, especially behind your heart and pelvis.

Can you let yourself be held? Can you yield into support?
This helps signal safety to your nervous system and builds trust in resting. From here, a sense of "I have enough. I am enough" can arise.

2. Bounce to Meet Your Life Force
Sit and gently bounce on the ball, letting your spine and pelvis find rhythm. This connects you to your vitality and sexual energy in a safe and contained way, reminding your system that aliveness can feel good.

3. Define Your Edges
Breathe against the ball. Feel it push back.
This helps clarify:

• Where do I begin and end?

• What are my yeses and nos?
  This simple push builds boundary awareness, which is key for intuitive eating, consent, and emotional clarity.

4. Stimulate Gut Receptors
Place the ball or a pillow on your belly and breathe into it slowly. You might want to drape over the ball for this one too. The gentle pressure activates receptors in your gut, helping you recognize hunger, fullness, and emotional cues.

5. Regulate Before Meals
Before eating, breathe with the ball or a pillow to activate the low-tone dorsal parasympathetic system—the part of the nervous system that supports digestion and social engagement.
This prepares your body to receive food without overwhelm or shutdown.

From Dysregulation to Interoception

Over time, these somatic cues guided by the ball lead to better digestion, refined body connection (able to track, feel, and name sensations (aka interoceptive awareness)), stronger boundaries, clarity around wans, needs, and preferences, and greater regulation and trust around eating. They also help you access something even deeper — your gut knowing.

The more you come into your body, the more you can feel the subtle in-between, where the whispers of clarity and truth reside. The ball helps with that in a playful way. It gives your nervous system something to push against, something to connect with and trust.

This is the path of restoring body trust: one breath, one boundary, one bounce at a time.

Have You Tried It?

Have you used a physio ball or similar somatic tools in your healing journey? Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear how it's helped you reconnect with your body.

To see me practicing with the physio ball, check out my IG post.

Photo by jerry chen on Unsplash

Why Body Checking Isn’t Really About Vanity: A Somatic Perspective on Body Image and Embodiment

Body checking is often misunderstood as vanity or obsession with appearance. But beneath the surface, this behavior is a signpost — a survival strategy pointing to deeper struggles with body dysmorphia, trauma, and disconnection.

In this post, we’ll explore:

• What body checking is and why we do it

• How it relates to identity, safety, and nervous system regulation

• Practices to support embodiment and healing from body image issues

What Is Body Checking?

Body checking refers to repetitive behaviours used to assess or measure one’s body, such as pinching, squeezing, feeling, or looking in mirrors. These actions often focus on areas of perceived “flaws” and can become compulsive.

But here’s the deeper truth:
Body checking isn’t just about size. It’s also about existence.

For many people, especially those with eating disorders or body dysmorphia, changes in the body trigger identity confusion — "If my body changes, am I still me?" Body checking becomes a way to anchor identity in a world that feels unstable or unsafe.

The Link Between Body Checking, Trauma, and Disembodiment

Often, the inability to “be” in one’s body stems from the nervous system’s history of survival adaptations.

When we’ve experienced trauma — particularly attachment trauma or early developmental ruptures — the spaces and people around us may have felt unsafe or dysregulating. Our bodies learned to brace, numb, or disconnect. We move further and further away from our sense of embodiment, which leaves us feeling like we don’t exist.

➡️ In this context, body checking is an unconscious attempt to feel real — to confirm, through physical touch or visual feedback, that we still exist and are “enough” to be here.

You’re Not Afraid of Your Body—Your Body Is Holding Fear

Here’s a reframe:
You’re not afraid of your body.
Your body is holding fear.

Fear that was never discharged.
Fear from moments where the body mobilized to fight, flee, or freeze, and never had the chance to complete that cycle.

When those survival energies stay stuck in the system, the body becomes associated with discomfort or threat. We begin to project fear onto the body itself, compounding body image issues and furthering disconnection.

Healing Through Embodiment and Safety

As we begin to release this trapped survival stress and establish safety through somatic practices, the need to body check naturally fades. Here's what helps:

• Proprioceptive and interoceptive practices (e.g., mindful movement, developmental movement patterns, breath awareness)

• Connecting to the midline and central channel — the core of your being

• Spending time in environments that feel safe and affirming

• Co-regulating with others who are committed to healing and embodiment

These tools help us inhabit the body not as an enemy, but as home.

A Message for the Part of You That Still Doesn’t Feel Safe

You exist.
You belong.
You are worthy of being here, just as you are.

Your life force is not too much — it’s not dangerous — it’s sacred.
Your body is not broken.
It’s asking to be met with safety, presence, and love.

As fear softens and your nervous system finds regulation, your body becomes less something to manage or fix, and more a place to live, love, and trust.

May you come home to body.

Photo by Wang Sheeran on Unsplash

Eating Disorder Recovery & Exercise Addiction: Reclaiming Embodiment, Balance, and the Wisdom of the Body

Treatment for Exercise Addiction: An Embodied Path to Recovery

Eating disorders are not merely coping mechanisms — they are profound expressions of the body’s unmet needs for belonging, safety, balance, and worth. Exercise addiction, often entangled with eating disorders, is no exception. When movement becomes compulsive, we must ask: What is the body truly seeking?

Recovery begins when we stop trying to “fix” behaviours and start listening to what they’re pointing toward. From an embodied perspective, eating disorders are messengers — revealing where disconnection or boundary violations have occurred, and where reconnection and resourcing are needed.

What Is Exercise Addiction in ED Recovery?

Exercise addiction is characterized by a compulsive need to move — often excessive, rigid, or punishing — even when the body is exhausted. It can feel like you have to run, walk, or work out, and stopping brings anxiety or dysregulation.

But what if, instead of pathologizing the movement, we approached it with compassion?

“Where are you running to? What are you moving away from?”

In my own recovery journey over 16 years ago, these were the questions I longed for — not punishment for relapsing, but curiosity about what my body was trying to communicate. Exercise felt compulsive (I just had to do it) and excessive (I didn’t know when to stop).

Embodiment: Returning to Center

True embodiment means that your consciousness and your physical form are aligned — organized around a central axis that holds your vitality, creativity, and wholeness. Trauma, especially developmental or relational trauma, can disrupt this center. It creates fragmentation — where safety, trust, and energetic balance are lost.

Eating disorders often emerge from these imbalances. They are not random. They point to unmet needs for safety, connection, and sovereignty. The same applies to exercise addiction — it often arises when we feel off-balance, powerless, overwhelmed, or unseen.

The work, then, is not to eliminate the symptom — but to resource the center. To bring curiosity to movement, to ask:

• Where does this movement want to go?

• What part of me is asking for release, or regulation?

• How can I bring more engagement, breath, and presence into the act of moving?

Movement as Medicine, Not Punishment

In somatic recovery, we don’t throw away the movement. We slow it down. We listen to it. When exercise becomes exploratory rather than defensive, it can reconnect us to our center.

Try this the next time you move your body:

• Focus on what helps you breathe.

• Orient toward something beautiful as you move your body (in your room, in your surroundings).

• Pause — and notice how you feel before, during, and after the movement.

• Allow your movement to be relational — to the Earth, to your joy, to yourself.

Rest Is Revolutionary

In a culture that glorifies productivity and the “ideal” body, rest becomes radical. Releasing the identity that’s wrapped up in discipline, control, and body perfectionism takes immense courage in a diet culture world.

Psychedelic healing — especially with intentional microdosing or ceremonial psychedelic work — can support this process by softening the inner critic and reconnecting us to our soul’s rhythm rather than society’s.

Recovery invites us to reimagine nourishment, not just through food, but through how we relate to energy, stillness, pleasure, and presence.

Recovery as Returning to Wholeness

Recovery isn’t just about stopping behaviours. It’s about coming into right relationship with your body. It’s about learning to metabolize safety, rest, movement, and love. The eating disorder — and the compulsive exercise that often comes with it — holds clues to the balance your body is craving.

Rather than seeing these symptoms as the problem, we can see them as the path — invitations to reclaim your center and live in deeper alignment.

Photo by Zaur Giyasov on Unsplash

The Surprising Gift of Fear: A Somatic and Psychedelic Approach to Eating Disorder Recovery

What If fear is your gateway to growth?

Today, I’m contemplating this potent quote by Pema Chödrön:

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.”

Recently, I’ve been moving through a portal of fear — not fear of something external, but the fear of fear itself. This has been about confronting and being present with the physical sensations of fear running through my body.

Being afraid of fear itself can feel like a frustrating loop. Fear feeds on itself, creating a cycle that’s hard to break. Maybe you’ve felt this, too?

It’s natural to resist discomfort. Turning toward the burning, buzzing sensations we label as “fear” can feel unnatural — like going against the grain.

If you’ve ever been taught to dismiss fear or lacked role models growing up who navigated fear mindfully, this reaction is incredibly common.

Fear Is Not Wrong

It is helpful to remember that:

• Feeling fear is not wrong.

• You are not broken for feeling fear — or even for fearing fear.

Fear is a vital emotion in this human experience 💕 It helps us:

• Decide what to move toward or avoid.

• Activate survival responses (fight, flight, freeze) when danger is present.

Fear is a necessary ingredient for our survival, one of the seven core categories of emotions we all experience, alongside anger, sadness, joy, excitement, disgust, and sexual excitement.

But what happens when we experience fear outside of serious, life-threatening danger?

The Fear That Holds Our Truth Back

Sometimes, fear shows up when we’re not in danger but in a moment of expansion. Expansion invites us closer to our truth, asking us to remove the armor and defenses that have kept us small. Stepping beyond our comfort zone can feel thrilling — and terrifying. For example, you might:

• Feel a desire to connect with someone but hesitate as fear tenses up your body, holding you back.

• Be curious to try new food at a community gathering but feel fear stop you.

• Want to speak up in a circle of friends but feel your throat tighten, constricting your voice.

In these moments, sensations like tightness, burning, paralyzing, or heaviness arise — a soupy somatic mix we label as “fear.” 😨 These feelings can be overwhelming and uncomfortable and leave us feeling out of control (especially if we didn't have appropriate role modelling).

When fear dominates in this way, we try to avoid it entirely, creating a loop where we fear fear itself.

Escaping Fear Through Disconnection

For those navigating eating disorders, disordered eating, or other mental health challenges, emotions like fear can feel too big, too much, too overwhelming.

Why? Many of us were taught to suppress or numb emotions. Perhaps you were labelled a “wimp” for expressing fear or praised for being “tough cookie.” These early experiences can lead to disconnection from authentic emotions, encouraging patterns of shame, shutting down and avoiding what arises within.

To cope with these feelings, we might turn to food or our bodies to escape — not just from fear, but from the pain of denying our inner truths by only showing "acceptable" emotions to the outside world.

Personally, I see eating disorders as expressions of unmetabolized fear responses.

The thing is, is that fear doesn’t disappear when avoided. It becomes trapped in the body, undigested, and can show up as:

• Anxiety

• Digestive issues

• Disrupted sleep

• Rigidity around food, and more

The way forward is learning to gently approach fear — to meet it with curiosity, courage, and compassion rather than avoiding, numbing out or battling.

I am sharing this theme because there is a lot of fear in the collective right now. The world is certainly at a precipice of radical disruption and change.

Almost everyone I’ve spoken to recently has expressed that they’re in some kind of transition — whether it’s related to jobs, finances, homes, health, relationships, or identity 🌓

We are individually and collectively in the midst of change. And change often brings fear.

Embracing Fear as a Gateway to Transformation

Fear is not something to eliminate. It’s something to understand, hold, and soften into.

Liminal moments — those thresholds of change and uncertainty — often bring fear. The word “liminal” comes from the Latin limen, meaning “threshold” or “doorway.” It’s the space between where you’ve been and where you’re going.

How we approach these liminal spaces determines whether we repeat old patterns out of fear — or step into transformation with grace, and become more embodied and wiser through it 👁️

Fear holds a surprising gift: it invites us into transformation and deeper embodiment.

Three Ways to Work with Fear

Rather than tightening and hardening around fear, we can be softened by its presence. By stepping through the gateway of fear, we find opportunities to feel, move, and connect with deeper truths. Here are three ways to work with the fear of fear:

1️⃣ Give Yourself Permission to Feel Fear

Fear is a natural response and can indicate that we are moving towards a more raw, naked, real version of ourselves. It’s not about removing fear but learning to walk with it.

Transitions and change feel scary because our biology craves predictability. Our brains have evolved to avoid and reduce uncertainty (it’s more energy efficient). And the change process is fundamentally uncertain.

Since we have a strong impulse to strive for stability, the unknown inherently feels uncomfortable. By understanding this about our biology, the tight hold of fear begins to loosen.

You are not weak for feeling fear — you are human 🧬 By welcoming it with curiosity, you open the door to transformation.

2️⃣ Work with the Body

Fear is a bodily experience, so moving the body helps you process and digest it.

Here are a few ways to work the sensations of fear:

• Shake your hands and limbs to release stuck energy.

• Rock or sway gently to a favourite, soothing song.

• Walk in nature (barefoot if possible) with a friend or pet to feel grounded.

- Notice how you feel before, during and after these activities. By paying attention to how the sensations feel in your body, they become more familiar and known (see Point 1️⃣!).

It’s important to move in ways that feel within your capacity, where you can stay present to your inner experience.

Don’t be surprised if you start moving very subtly and slowly; fear needs time to come out of its shell and dethaw.

Side but important note: if you are working with fear and trauma that have been trapped in your body since early developmental years, working with it might look very different to what is described above. Working with a trauma-informed practitioner might be needed in these instances.

It goes without saying that turning towards fear requires embodied safety. You might need build a felt sense of safety in your body first before diving into it by:

• Learning about nervous system regulation and how your own nervous system works.

• Placing your hands on your heart or belly and breathing consciously.

• Pressing your feet into the ground or wiggle your toes to anchor yourself in the present moment.

• Engaging your sense — Notice what you can see, hear, or feel around you in this here-now present moment.

• Placing a weighted blanket or pillow on your body or drinking a warm beverage.

These practices build a sense of safety, containment, and regulation, helping fear soften and move.

3️⃣ Reconnect with Your Why

Why do you want to shift your relationship with fear?

Do you desire deeper connection?

More love?

To live more authentically?

These goals can feel scary, but reconnecting with your intention gives you the courage to move forward, adding radiant fuel to your inner fire.

Fear is not your enemy — it’s a messenger, pulling you closer to the truth. Ask yourself:

What is my fear trying to tell me?

What is it protecting me from?

Reframing fear as an ally that's trying to protect you rather than an adversary can help it feel less overwhelming and scary.

A Personal Reflection

Having recently celebrated my 33rd birthday earlier this month, I have finally learnt to trust that fear will not swallow me. One of my core words for my birthday this year is Trust — trusting my inner experience and letting bigger energy, like fear and love, to move through me with acceptance and curiosity.

I look back to my tender 17-year-old self when I first started my journey to heal disordered eating, body mistrust and fear of feelings (especially love) and I feel so much compassion for my younger parts that have grown and transformed.

Learning about my nervous system, working somatically, and incorporating psychedelics into my life have certainly contributed to my capacity and resiliency to hold more of myself.

I still have lots to learn but now I trust that I won’t be swallowed by fear and feel empowered knowing that I have recalibrating resources in reach to support myself in wobbly moments 🌊

Here are some simple reminders that have helped me when fear surfaces:

• Feel it in the body. Notice where fear arises in the body. See if you can also observe a place in your body that feels neutral. Shift your focus between these two places.

• Visualize it as a wave. Fear rises and falls, just like the tides. The energy will eventually subside. Breathe.

• Remind yourself you are safe. Feel your feet on the ground, take in your environment, and affirm: “Fear is a feeling. I am safe in this moment. I can feel it without being controlled by it.”

Fear is a natural response to life’s transitions and transformations. It’s not something to fix or eliminate but rather is a guide that invites us into deeper truths about ourselves.

When we learn to approach fear with curiosity and compassion — to feel it, hold it, and move with it — we open the door to resilience, growth, and evolution. We move closer to what we want and find ourselves more fulfilled. When we show up to ourselves in these ways, we inspire and give others permission to do the same.

Honouring Your Courage

Dear one, if you’ve made it this far, I want you to know: I see you, and I honour you 🙏

It takes immense courage to turn toward the challenging parts of yourself — those shadowy, uncomfortable places where fear resides. Yet, it’s in this meeting that healing, integration, and wholeness begin.

When we meet fear with compassion, it reveals its hidden gifts — courage, resilience, and authenticity.

Fear, while uncomfortable, offers us the surprising gift of transformation. It invites us to grow, to soften, and to discover truths about ourselves we might not otherwise touch. By seeing fear not as an obstacle but as a gateway, we walk the path of self-discovery with courage.

As you navigate this brave walk of transformation, remember that you don’t have to do it perfectly, and you don’t have to do it all at once. Keep going, gently, step by step.

And you don’t do it alone; remember that you are held by a force that is so powerfully benevolent beyond measure, beyond comprehension. This wider, deeper holding is what will carry you through the fear and to the other side of whatever portal of change you are navigating.

You are not alone. You are worthy of healing. You are capable.

If you need a reminder in moments of doubt, let this article be your guidepost — a small flame to light the way when fear clouds your vision.

May you carry this truth with you:

“The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.” — Thucydides

With love and unwavering belief in your path,

Francesca Rose

Gratitude for the Wound: Why I’m Thankful for My Eating Disorder

What if your eating disorder wasn’t something to simply get rid of, but a doorway to deeper healing and inner transformation? As someone who has struggled with eating disorders and now a somatic practitioner specializing in EDs, I can honestly say that grateful for my eating disorder because it became a portal to understanding my body’s wisdom, unmet needs, and desire for wholeness.

Eating disorders often emerge when words fall short — when our nervous system and attachment wounds speak through the body in behaviors we can’t always explain. Rather than shame or suppress these behaviours, we are invited to listen with curiosity.

What is your body trying to say? What does it need to feel safe, nourished, and seen?

Let us reframe eating disorder recovery not as a path of control or perfection, but as a journey of courageous self-inquiry, compassionate presence, and embodied trust. This is a journey of reconnecting with the body, through feeling, movement, and attuned listening, and how this process leads to clarity, belonging, and a profound sense of inner freedom.

Healing is possible — not by fixing yourself, but by befriending yourself.

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I Am Grateful for My Eating Disorder

When we try to “get rid of” an eating disorder, we might unknowingly bypass the very opportunity for transformation that it offers. Eating disorders are not random — they are messengers. They speak when words cannot. They reflect what the nervous system cannot hold, what the attachment system never received, and what the heart still longs for.

Rather than viewing them as enemies, what if we met them with curiosity?

What if your eating disorder is your body’s most loyal — albeit misunderstood — way of asking for safety, nourishment, and belonging?

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The Body Speaks When the Soul is Silent

In the early days of my healing, I tried to deny my struggle. But pain doesn’t disappear when ignored — it shapeshifts, often surfacing through the body.

Eventually, I listened. I softened (#thankyouplantmedicine)

And my body whispered:
See me. Hear me. Nourish me. Acknowledge my existence. We belong together.

That whisper became a compass.

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Recovery Is a Relationship, Not a Fix

So many models of eating disorder treatment focus on controlling symptoms. But if we simply shut down the behaviors without understanding their function, we lose the wisdom they carry.

Recovery is not about doing more. It’s about being differently, with compassion, courage, and presence.

Ask your body:

• What are you afraid of?

• What do you need to feel safe?

• What are you starving from — and what are you starving for?

When you listen deeply, you begin to uncover the truth beneath the hunger.

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This Journey Is Not Linear — It’s Sacred

My body has become my greatest teacher — not despite the eating disorder, but because of it. Through trembling, crying, thawing, sweating, forgiving, and feeling, I’ve come home to myself.

This is the long, brave path of embodied recovery. It is not easy. But it is worth it.

And if you are walking this path, I see you. I trust the wisdom within you. And I believe that healing is not just possible — it’s already unfolding.

Whatever journey you are navigating with your body, I see you. I acknowledge the deep deep work you are doing. I honour you and your body, and the capacity that resides within you to radiate from the core of your being. 

May this work continue to evolve and set all of us free.

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If you are inspired to walk your recovery journey with support and intention, you are welcome to connect with me directly to learn more about my one-on-one coaching focused on eating disorder recovery and/or psychedelic preparation and integration.

Photo by Rosie Kerr on Unsplash

Is Intuitive Eating a Myth? Understanding the Body’s Wisdom in Eating Disorder Recovery

The concept of intuitive eating (IE) has helped many people heal their relationship with food, breaking free from diet culture and rigid food rules. But what if I told you that you are already eating intuitively?

We Are Always Eating Intuitively

Our bodies are constantly sending signals that shape our eating behaviours — what, when, and how we eat. These cues are influenced by:

• The nervous system’s state (regulated vs. dysregulated)

• The environment and sensory input at any given moment

• Past experiences with food, nourishment, and safety

And these factors impact how we relate to food that is entirely unique to each of us. The belief that intuitive eating is something to “achieve” can create unnecessary pressure, especially for those recovering from disordered eating or eating disorders. The reality is that our body is already guiding us, even if that guidance feels distorted due to past experiences of restriction, trauma, or chronic stress.

It is important to note that the IE movement has paved the road for thousands of people around the world to look at their eating behaviours with greater awareness. It has helped so many people recover from disordered eating through helping people shift their perspective around food. And yet, it is a frame that can keep us stuck if we miss how we are already eating intuitively.

Neuroception, a concept developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains how our nervous system unconsciously assesses safety and danger. This process shapes our behaviours, including eating. If the body perceives a threat — whether from past diet culture conditioning, trauma, or a dysregulated nervous system — it will respond accordingly.

When we realize we are already practicing IE in our own ways, we can begin to trust our body’s innate capacity and intelligence.

Rather than striving to “learn” intuitive eating, the journey is about trusting and refining how we listen to our body's cues while resourcing our nervous system for more clarity and balance.

Rebuilding Self-Trust in Eating Disorder Recovery

For many struggling with an eating disorder, the belief that they have lost the ability to eat intuitively can be deeply disempowering. However, recognizing that you are already engaging with food in a way that reflects your current inner landscape can be the first step toward self-trust and empowerment.

Steps Toward Nervous System-Attuned Eating

• Notice and name your body’s signals with curiosity rather than judgment

• Regulate your nervous system through grounding and centering embodiment practices

• Reframe your relationship with food as a dynamic, evolving process rather than something to "fix"

• Honour your identity beyond food and body struggles — because recovery isn’t just about food; it’s about reclaiming who you are.

Identity and Eating Disorder Recovery: Who Are You Becoming?

As we begin to listen to our body's cues and shift our relationship with food, a deeper question arises: Who am I beyond my struggles with eating?

For many, an eating disorder becomes more than just a pattern of behaviours — it shapes identity. I remember, years ago, asking myself how I truly felt about my eating disorder. At the time, my response startled me:
"I’m glad I have it because I don’t know who I would be without it."

That moment illuminated the malleability of identity. Before my eating disorder, I was a passionate, curious person. But at that time, I couldn’t relate to that version of myself. The disorder had become a stabilizing force, shaping my self-concept.

James Clear puts it beautifully:
"True behaviour change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you’ll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity."

Recovery is an identity shift. It’s not just about changing behaviours — it’s about stepping into a new embodiment of self-trust, nourishment, and wholeness.

Moving Beyond Willpower: Embodied Healing

Rather than using willpower to force behavior change (which often leads to dissociation and burnout), true healing comes from aligning with who we want to become. Somatic practices, nervous system regulation, and even plant medicines can support this shift by enhancing clarity, creativity, and neuroplasticity.

By focusing on being rather than doing, food and body-related behaviours naturally evolve to reflect an identity rooted in balance, authenticity, and self-trust. This is how we shape ourselves into who we want to be that is aligned with the truth of who we are from the inside-out.

You Are Already on the Path

Intuitive eating isn’t a distant goal — it’s already happening within you. The journey is about refining your awareness, regulating your nervous system, and reclaiming your innate wisdom around food and nourishment. Over time, as you step more into your authenticity, you will find your eating patterns will intuitively evolve with you.

Through embodied recovery, self-trust, and nervous system healing, you can shift your relationship with food — not by force, but by becoming the person who effortlessly embodies the nourishment, trust, and wholeness you seek.

Embracing the Unknown: Finding Trust and Courage in Eating Disorder Recovery

Liminality — the space between an ending and a new beginning — can feel overwhelming, especially for those navigating eating disorders. The food cycle is a powerful metaphor for this: the end of a meal and the pause before the next is often where discomfort surfaces.

For many, this space feels too expansive, too uncertain. Instead of meeting it, we might overeat to prolong the moment, purge or exercise to jump over it, or avoid finishing or starting meals altogether. These behaviours, while protective, keep us from fully experiencing the rest, digestion, and clarity this space offers.

These liminal moments go beyond food; it’s a fertile ground for reconnecting with our inherent enoughness. In this pause, we’re reminded that our worth isn’t tied to what we’ve done, achieved, or controlled — it simply exists because we are.

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The Fear of Rest and Stillness

At the core of many disordered eating patterns lies a mistrust of rest, pausing, and the unknown. Endings — whether of a meal, a task, or a chapter in life — can bring up discomfort, fear, or anxiety.

This discomfort mirrors how we approach food:

• Do you struggle to fully finish a meal?

• Does hunger feel overwhelming, making it hard to start eating?

• Do you turn to behaviours like overeating, purging, or overexercising to avoid the stillness between meals?

These patterns highlight our relationship with endings, surrender, and the idea of simply being and belonging. They invite us to explore our beliefs about rest and non-doing. What do you notice within yourself when you ask the question, “Do I trust myself in the unknown?”

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Trusting the Wilderness Within

Reconnecting with our inner truth is often messy, wild, and deeply courageous. For years, I struggled with self-doubt, often seeking external rules and validation instead of trusting my own inner guidance.

The process of listening to and trusting the quiet whispers of my inner voice has been one of profound transformation. Stripping away masks, people-pleasing, and the need to shape-shift left me raw, vulnerable, and fully present with myself.

This journey isn’t about perfection; it’s about presence. It’s about meeting the full spectrum of your emotions — pain, joy, anxiety, grief, love — and letting them belong. When we allow ourselves to feel, pause, and breathe through it all, we reconnect with the wisdom of our hearts.

Connecting to the truth of who we are is a journey into the wild, vast, oceanic human experience. So often we want to disassociate from this wild ocean that is the body because of what it contains, hold and longs for. Often, we don’t trust what we see and quickly brush over it, suppress it or change it. We don’t often pause with it.

Indeed, it can be excruciating to feel and scary to acknowledge all that we meet — and yet when we muster the courage to meet it, pause with it, breathe with it, and let all of it belong, we make a fundamental shift in our trajectory towards returning to wholeness.

When we pause, we step into presence with the wisdom of the heart. In the liminal space is a chance to see yourself clearly, soften into your inner waves and currents, and hear deep’s longing and hungers emerge.

What do you know to be true? Can you trust it?

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Questions to Explore

As you navigate your recovery, consider these reflections:

• How do you handle endings, both with food and in life?

• What beliefs do you hold about pausing, resting, or letting go?

• What arises when you face the unknown without a clear next step?

• Can you meet yourself — your feelings, your body — with compassion and courage without the need to earn or prove it?

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The Rewards of Meeting the Unknown

When we allow ourselves to rest in liminal spaces, we open the door to clarity, trust, and a sense of deep belonging. These pauses are where we learn that we are enough, not because of what we’ve done or achieved, but simply because we exist.

The more we practice surrender — whether at the end of a meal or in daily moments of uncertainty — the more we grow. With each breath, we expand our capacity to trust ourselves, to navigate the unknown with courage, and to experience the fullness of life. Let the ending of your meal be a practice of surrender.

In this open space, we can land into a sense of inherent enoughness — not based on what we’ve done or achieved but simply because we are here on this Earth. The liminal space is where we clear the canvas to allow for our inner clarity and wisdom to arise, informing us of the aligned next step to take.

You deserve to feel this sense of aliveness. You deserve to trust yourself. The journey into the unknown isn’t just about what you’ll find — it’s about returning home to who you already are.

Photo by zameel hz on Unsplash

Somatic Healing and Embodiment: How Intuitive Eating Supports Nervous System Health

Transforming our relationship with food doesn’t start in the mind or thoughts — it begins in the body. By deepening into embodiment, we cultivate a sense of trust, empowerment, and discernment, not only in our approach to eating but in how we live our lives.

Keep reading to learn how to deepen into embodiment and how this supports our relationship with food. Explore the importance of somatic healing, intuitive eating, and nervous system health in the context of embodiment, along with common factors that disrupt this process. Let’s dive in!

What is Embodiment?

To be embodied means to:

• Connect with your felt sense and body's signals.

• Experience an organized sensory system that promotes clarity and flow.

• Trust and respond to your body's biological impulses and needs.

• Move and inhabit your body with congruency — what you say and do align.

• Discern when to engage with or disconnect from external influences.

In essence, embodiment creates a foundation of agency and clarity, enabling you to nourish yourself in ways that feel intuitive and aligned with your body's needs.

Supporting a sense of embodiment allows you to feel more yourself. When consciousness merges with physical form (i.e. the body), there is a feeling of coming home to yourself.

What Disrupts Embodiment?

Certain life experiences can disconnect us from our bodies, making the process of eating and nourishment feel challenging. Below are six key factors that interfere with our ability to stay embodied:

1. Birth Trauma

The birth process plays a foundational role in our embodiment. A traumatic birth can lead to developmental interruptions, affecting our ability to fully inhabit our bodies. Interwoven in this is generational and ancestral trauma that influences home life within the womb from conception through pregnancy.

2. Injury, Illness, or Chronic Pain

When the body feels unsafe due to internal threats like pain, injury or illness, inhabiting the body can become distressing. This disconnect makes it harder to trust and care for our vessel.

3. Physical Safety Risks

External threats, whether real or perceived, activate the autonomic nervous system into hyperarousal or hypoarousal.

• Acute trauma, in the form of a boundary violation, often causes dissociation as a survival mechanism.

• Pervasive external threats, such as toxic relationships or societal pressures (e.g., diet culture), can result in chronic disembodiment.

4. Attachment Injuries & Early Developmental Trauma

When caregivers provide inconsistent or misattuned attachment experiences, we may hold back parts of ourselves to avoid rejection or abandonment. This leads to dysregulation and a diminished sense of embodiment.

5. Sensory Processing Issues

Sensory processing challenges can disrupt our ability to feel connected to our bodies. These issues may stem from:

• Birth trauma or early developmental trauma.

• High levels of energetic sensitivity, common among those with eating disorders.

Learning to work with these sensitivities (as superpowers!) can support deeper embodiment and healing.

6. Gender Dysphoria

For individuals whose bodies do not align with their gender identity, the disconnect can impact their ability to feel fully embodied. The body may not feel like a safe or affirming space to inhabit.

How Embodiment Supports Intuitive Eating

As we deepen into embodiment, we naturally strengthen our ability to eat intuitively. When we are connected to our felt sense, we can discern:

• How to hear and honour our hunger and fullness cues.

• What nourishment our body needs.

• What food preferences we like and dislike.

• When to eat, rest, or move.

Embodiment fosters nervous system regulation, which is essential for normative eating, and digesting food and life experiences.

Reflective Questions for Embodiment Practice

• What does “embodiment” mean to you?

• How do you recognize when someone is embodied?

• What practices or environments help you feel more connected to your body?

Practical Tips for Deepening Into Embodiment

1. Engage in Somatic Practices: Yoga, mindful movement, or body scans can help connect you to your felt sense.

2. Work with Your Nervous System: Practices that support vagal toning and regulation like sounding, grounding exercises, or co-regulation with a safe person can promote nervous system health.

3. Explore Sensory Processing: Understand your sensory needs and integrate tools (like weighted blankets or specific textures) to support regulation.

4. Seek Safe Spaces: Surround yourself with environments and relationships that feel safe and affirming to your identity and needs.

By understanding and addressing the factors that disrupt embodiment, we can move closer to a state of balance, where food and nourishment feel natural and intuitive.

Transforming our relationship with food doesn't have happen in the mind or in our thoughts but it happens through the body. 

Embodiment is not a destination but an ongoing practice — a journey of inhabiting your body with compassion, curiosity, and trust.

Photo by Jamie Brown on Unsplash

How the Nervous System Influences Eating Disorders: Understanding the Mind-Body Connection for Recovery

Understanding eating disorders goes beyond food — it’s about how the body signals its sense of safety, regulation, and survival.

Our nervous system communicates essential information, guiding us to recognize when we feel safe, secure, and thriving, or, on the other hand, stressed, unsafe, and struggling. By tuning into these signals, we can uncover what our bodies need not only to survive but to thrive.

Eating disorders often reflect deeper nervous system dysregulation, rooted in survival responses to chronic stress or early developmental trauma. Understanding how the nervous system influences eating behaviors can guide us toward compassion and healing.

Understanding the Role of the Nervous System in Eating Disorders

When someone faces an eating disorder, their body is frequently in a state of survival—flight, fight, or freeze—due to accumulated stress. This response arises when the body feels unsafe or lacks the secure attachment needed to feel at ease.

• Fight Response: The body prepares to confront perceived threats.

• Flight Response: The body feels the need to escape.

• Freeze Response: The body shuts down to avoid overwhelm.

How Nervous System States Influence Eating Disorder Behaviors

Based on past experiences, personality, and environment, each person’s nervous system may respond uniquely. Here’s how different states manifest in thought patterns and eating disorder behaviors:

Freeze State (Shutdown)

When in a freeze or shutdown state, the nervous system sends messages like “I feel helpless, hopeless, and numb.” This can lead to:

• Digestive issues, such as inhibited digestion

• Binge eating to induce a shutdown feeling

• Excessive exercise to combat numbness (aka to feel alive)

• Restricted eating due to reduced hunger or fullness cues (cues are hard to detect, heard or perceive due to muted interoception)

• Emotional and physical disassociation

Fight State (Confrontation)

In a fight state, thoughts may include “I feel irritated, restless, and mistrustful.” Related eating disorder behaviors might include:

• Bingeing or purging

• Compulsive exercise

• Chewing and spitting food

• Restricting others from controlling or preparing food

• Nail-biting or gum-chewing

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Flee State (Avoidance)

In the flee state, individuals may feel “anxious, fidgety, and fearful.” Associated eating disorder behaviors include:

• Rigid dietary restrictions or food rules or specific food rituals

• Avoidance of eating in front of others

• Compulsive exercise

• Food phobias

• Constipation due to high stress

Finding Safety and Healing through the Nervous System

Healing begins with recognizing where the body currently operates within these states. By listening to the body’s signals, we can introduce supportive resources that address these needs and gradually move towards a state of safety. Safety is experienced in many different ways, primarily through connection and co-regulation with other people.

Ventral Vagal State: The Nervous System’s Safe Zone

When in a ventral vagal state, thoughts shift to “I feel open, safe, and curious.” Here’s how a ventral vagal state changes our relationship with food:

• Eating and digestion become smoother and more effective; there’s a reduction in GI issues

• Greater clarity on hunger and food choices

• Feeling satiety becomes a more regular experience

• Reduced focus on disordered eating behaviors

In this state, the eating disorder’s influence softens, allowing for a sense of grounding and connectedness within and towards others. As the body finds homeostasis, food becomes a nourishing experience rather than a battleground.

In this state of ventral vagal connection when our nervous system feels safe and connected to the world around us, there are very few eating behaviours and thoughts that exist. When we land in this place in our nervous system, it is like the eating disorder can naturally let go of us - because less defense responses (fight, slight, freeze) are needed.

Connecting with Safety in the Present Moment

By establishing a safe, supportive environment with others, the nervous system can let go of protective behaviors. Feeling safe, connected, and embodied allows the eating disorder to release its hold, making way for a renewed sense of self.

Decoding the nervous system’s messages reveals that eating disorders aren’t just about food—they’re about safety, connection, and understanding our body’s needs. By embracing supportive relationships and fostering safe spaces, we can gently guide our nervous system back to balance.

Key Takeaways:

• Recognize the nervous system state: Understand how fight, flight, freeze, or ventral vagal states influence thoughts and eating behaviors.

• Listen to the body: Decode its signals to address underlying needs and emotions through refining interoceptive awareness.

• Seek relational support: A trusted connection helps the nervous system feel safe, reducing disordered behaviors over time.

No longer needing to protect and in a place of relational safety, the nervous system can fully land in the present moment. This is when we feel embodied - and at home in our own skin.

Ready to Take the Next Step in Your Journey?

If these words resonate with you and you’re ready to explore a deeper path to healing, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can work to unlock the messages your body holds and gently guide you toward a place of balance, safety, and self-compassion. For details on my one-on-one eating disorder recovery coaching, contact me here.

Photo by Scott Carroll on Unsplash

Connection Is Our First Form Of Nourishment

Many people with eating disorders experience a deep yearning for connection. This stems from not receiving the warmth and safety of healthy attachment. Connection is not just a want—it's a fundamental need, especially for those struggling with disordered eating.

Why Connection Matters for Eating Disorders

When thinking about eating disorders, it's essential to look beyond food. Our primary source of nourishment is relationships—how we connect with others shapes our experience of nourishment in all forms, including food. Humans, as social beings, need connection to survive and thrive.

The way we relate to ourselves and the world around us is heavily influenced by our early relationships with caregivers, societal norms, and cultural structures. These relationships not only shape our emotional well-being but also impact our relationship with food, another crucial form of nourishment.

How Relationships Influence Our Connection with Food

Food provides the physical energy and life force our bodies need. Just like connection, eating is an intimate act—taking something from the outside and bringing it inside us. Our relationship with food often mirrors the way we connect with others.

For those with eating disorders, this relationship can be distorted. How we were taught to relate to food is often tied to the attachment patterns we developed in early life. If we didn’t receive the care we needed from caregivers or society, it can affect our nervous system and lead us to believe the world is unsafe and nourishment is scarce.

The Role of the Nervous System in Eating Disorders

Over the course of our first seven years, the development of the ventral portion of our autonomic nervous system forms. This is established via the act of co-regulation, which is the quality of connection that primary caregivers offer their children.

By “borrowing” our caregiver’s nervous system, our inner source of regulation, how we deal with stress, and how we relate to our emotions is developed. The primary wiring of the autonomic nervous system shapes and molds how we connect with the world and others, and how we connect with ourselves.

As children, when we don’t receive the emotional nourishment we need, it dysregulates our nervous system. We may develop beliefs such as, "My needs don't matter," or "I can't trust others to meet my needs." In response, we find ways to survive, even if they are unhealthy.

This is where disordered eating comes in. The behaviors associated with eating disorders are often the body’s way of communicating unmet needs. They are attempts to find the connection, safety, and regulation that were missing in our early attachments.

Healing Through Connection: A Path to Recovery

Recovery from an eating disorder involves adding the support and resources that were missing in the attachment system. By creating safety in the body, we can begin to heal the parts of ourselves that are holding on to past traumas. This helps the body grow its capacity to hold the fullness of our emotions and experiences.

Connection is hardwired into us, and it's through safe, nurturing relationships that we develop a sense of self and learn how to relate to the world. Healing from disordered eating involves reconnecting with our bodies and learning to trust again.

The Impact of Early Trauma on Eating Disorders

For many people with eating disorders, early developmental trauma plays a significant role. Misattuned co-regulation from caregivers during childhood can lead to feelings of shame, confusion, and disconnection from the body.

When our caregivers fail to reflect our emotions accurately or meet our needs, we start to doubt our own experiences. This can lead to looking outside of ourselves for validation and disconnecting from our true feelings, bodies, and intuition.

Eating disorder behaviours are simply the body telling us what is missing in the attachment system, and the behaviours are in some way an attempt to meet those needs and wants in the ways that the body knows how.

Understanding Eating Disorders as Survival Mechanisms

Disordered eating behaviors are not dysfunctional strategies but are strategies of survival. They are ways to avoid the pain and fear associated with intimacy and connection. Many people with eating disorders have been hurt in relationships, and these behaviors act as protective mechanisms to prevent further harm.

However, these survival strategies prevent us from fully connecting with ourselves, others, and life. Recovery is about bringing compassion to the body and relearning how to connect in safe, nourishing ways.

Reflecting on Our Relationship with Food and Connection

Eating disorders mirror one’s ability to connect with oneself and with others.

Take a moment to reflect on your relationship with food and connection:

• How connected do you feel to your hunger and fullness cues?

• How attuned are you to your needs, desires, and emotions?

• How do you digest your emotions?

• Do you feel any shame around wanting?

• How comfortable are you with intimacy and allowing others in?

• Complete the sentence: When I feel connected, I am…

  Complete the sentence: When I feel connected to the world around me, I notice in my body…

  Complete the sentence: When I feel safe, I connect to…

These questions can help bring awareness to the patterns that shape your relationship with food and connection.

As we restore capacity, trust, and safety with our bodies and with others, the eating disorder strategies soften.

Connection becomes available within and with the outside world, and with that a source of regulation, empowerment and nourishment.

Creating Safety in the Body for Healing

To heal from an eating disorder, it's crucial to create safety in the body. When the body feels safe, the protective layers begin to soften, and we can open up to connection. Safety allows us to experience the present moment, which is where healing happens.

By connecting to the present moment and the sensations in the body, we can start to heal the underlying wounds.

In order to access a sense of connection with our bodies, in relationship, and in the world at large, it requires enough safety.

Opening to connect is vulnerable. This is why safety is key to support this process of softening and opening up.

Reflect on a time when you have felt a sense of safety. Who was with you, where were you and what were you doing? How did you feel? How did you relate to food and eating and your body? How present was the eating disorder voice?

When the body recognises safety in the external environment and feels that internally, there is an embodied alignment between the outside and the inside experience that registers “I can put the guard down”.

When we feel safe, there is an opportunity for the protective layers to slowly dethaw, including the defensive walls of the eating disorder - and we can let in the nourishment of connection.

The ruminative, looping mind that is associated with a nervous system that is in fear and dysregulation quietens, making space for the body innate intelligence towards healing to guide.

An eating disorder cannot exist when we reside in the present moment.

The eating disorder feels most protected when we are focused cognitively on the past or future (e.g. thinking about a meal from the past or what we will eat in the future) rather than the present - which is where the body lives.

To connect to the present moment means we have to connect with the body, which includes all of the feelings and sensations that it holds.

Connecting to the body is the gateway to recovery. And opening to this connection needs to be done slowly so that trust and safety can be firmly established.

The Role of Connection in Thriving Beyond Eating Disorders

True recovery is about learning to receive (rather than restrict) nourishment in all forms—through food, relationships, creativity, and love.

We are allowed, deserving and worthy of these forms of nourishment.

Part of eating disorder recovery is learning how to deepen our embodied presence, to safely grow the capacity to let more of life in whilst staying regulated and connected to the body and the environment around us.

We need connection to not just survive, but to thrive. Attuning to our bodies with self-compassion and forming healthy, supportive relationships helps us build the safety and trust we need so that the eating disorder can let go of us.

Photo by hui sang on Unsplash

We Can't Eat If We Don't Feel Safe - And How Podcasts Can Restore Regulation

The same part of our nervous system that governs our ability to eat in regulated ways is the same part of our nervous system that allows us to socially connect with others.

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By supporting the nervous system to find regulation through human connection, we inherently support the overall workings of the digestive system. If we live alone or don't have access to social interact, podcasts can be an amazing recovery resource.

If our nervous system is in a state of dysregulation and disconnection, our body is In defensive mode. This makes for digesting food challenging.

A lack of safety in the nervous system can show up troubles with digestion, sensory sensitivities, or challenges around detecting fullness or hunger cues, or around food preferences.

And it makes connecting with others challenging too. If we are in defense, we will see those around us as a threat in some way. This can show up as social anxiety, depression, aggression, numb affect, or disassociation when engaging with other people, in intimacy, or in moments of conflict.

When our body is recruited to defend rather than connect, it becomes hard to take in the nourishment of food and of connection - because on a neurological level, they are linked and affect each other.

Eating disorder recovery is the body communicating to us that it is longing for safe connection.

The body is in a defensive state because we haven’t yet landed in the presence of safe and trusted other.

There is a difference between feeling protected and feeling safe.

When we are protected, the danger may be gone but the nervous system is still on the run or ready to fight. When we are safe, the danger is no longer present and we have a safe environment to put down the armour and rest.

For people with eating disorders, they are still in protection mode.

This means that we can approach eating disorder recovery by becoming curious about what is missing within the attachment system, by adding in resources that aid social engagement and connection.

When we feel connected to another, our nervous system can soften in a sense of “I am safe now.”

But what happens if we live alone or don’t have access to regular social interactions? What if we want human connection but don’t feel quite ready to reach out just yet?

This is why listening to a podcast or music whilst eating can be super regulating.

Especially for folks who live alone or who have a lot more time by themselves, eating in silence can be deafening and can increase nervous system activation.

To support the part of our nervous system that helps us connect socially to turn online, we can either be in the presence of another person, but simply hearing the voice and resonance of another can bring us into a more socially connected space.

When we reside in this part of our nervous system we are more regulated, grounded, and present. We are mammals and as such need human connection to both survive and thrive - and it’s in this part of our nervous system where eating disorder behaviours don’t exist (because we feel so much more resourced through co-regulation).

if you find yourself eating alone and reaching for things that have another human talking (podcast, music, TV etc), you are naturally activating the social engagement system that supports your ability to eat.

We can often demonize the use of technology when eating but for some people, it brings greater regulation and more capacity to eat. Asking people to be “mindful” when eating by switching off technology can actually bring dysregulation and ironically less mindfulness!

As the part of the nervous system that governs social connection turns online, our capacity to eat becomes more accessible.

This is because the same part of our nervous system that governs our sense of safety is linked to our ability to resonantly ingest and effectively digest.

Through working with this part of the nervous system, we inherently support the overall workings of the digestive system, which when it returns to a place of regulation, the body’s inner cues (such as fullness, hunger, preference, satisfaction, and need to rest and digest) begin to become clearer.

The more we can bring in connection, love, and community to the eating disorder recovery roadmap, the greater the ability to heal.

This brings greater capacity to the complex process of eating and taking in nourishment - from both food and loving connection.

Photo by Pavel Anoshin on Unsplash

Eating Disorder Recovery Is A Process Of Relaxing

Healing requires relaxation.

The state of healing is governed by the parasympathetic nervous system which is the same part of our autonomic nervous system that allows us to rest and digest, tend and befriend.

This is the part of our nervous system that repairs, regenerates, and restores into balance and good flow.

This means that if we desire change, growth, healing and transformation, we need the time and space to soften, relax open, and release tension - whether that’s physical tension, an emotion that’s being held back, an overworked thought, or a looping memory.

If someone is navigating an eating disorder, this usually indicates that the body feels unsafe, and is in a state of tension and dysregulation.

An eating disorder is the body communicating to us that its been recruited to protect rather than connect.

When someone is in protection mode rather than connection mode, the sympathetic nervous system is on high activation. This means that the body is armored up, ready to fight or run away at any moment, on the lookout for potential threat.

Being in this state constantly requires a lot of energy and as such, people navigating food or body challenges, who are already in a dysregulated state, experience higher amounts of anxiety. This can cause the sympathetic nervous to loop and build up tension and stress.

As such, to get out of this loop, recovery from an eating disorder or disordered eating requires less sympathetic energy and more parasympathetic ease.

Even adding in a few small moments in one’s day where there is intention practice of exhaling, grounding, orienting to the outside world, and bringing in that energy of rest-digest can be incredibly supportive in slowly rewiring the nervous system to a more regulated state.

Eating disorder recovery is learning how to slowly take the foot off the gas and gradually down gear to a gentle pause.

When we gradually down-gear into parasympathetic, and slow down and eventually come to a pause, we have the space to listen and hear the body’s cues.

All of the cues and signals that we receive from our bodies are messages to support our well-being and guide us back to center. 

Our ability to perceive what is going on inside, which is called interoception, is our body's way of keeping us alive. Biological impulses like thirst, hunger, or needing the bathroom are cues from the body telling us it is time to refuel and nourish or release and empty to keep our internal systems working in harmony and in flow. 

Even the more uncomfortable feeling, like anxiety (which are a cluster of different sensations), act as messengers, letting us know we are urgently keeping up with someone else's expectations, and as such are signs to help us pause and recenter back onto our own path at own rhythm. 

The more we can tune into these signals - and ultimately trust them as signals that are in service to us - the clearer our inner world feels, and ultimately the clearer we become in the choices we make in our lives. 

This sense of coherency and alignment is what it feels like to be at home in our own skins. This is Embodiment.

We feel fed by a sense of belonging in our own vessels. We feel empowered by inhabiting the unshakeable ground within. We feel nourished by our own embodiment. 

We safe to be at home within.

Safety is the domain of the parasympathetic nervous system. No longer needing to protect, the armour can be put down and connection, from a grounded, confident place, can emerge.

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Reflect on the conditions that best support you to enter this more rest-digest state?

What are you doing?

Where are you?

Who are you with?

How can you add these nourishing elements into your life to support a gentler set and setting?

We can’t approach recovery with the same energy as the eating disorder.

No amount of restriction, denial, self-berating, forcing, or urgently pushing for recovery to happen will work (that’s the mentality of diet culture, right?).

There’s also no specific destination to get to either in recovery either.

Eating disorder recovery is a process of allowing more softness and relaxation into the body.

It’s not something to achieve.

It’s an open, relaxed state that doesn’t have an outcome.

It’s an ongoing process.

It is a process of shifting our embodiment and way of being and showing up in the world.

It’s a journey of no longer marching to the fast-paced, patriarchal drumbeat of diet culture and reclaiming the rhythm and dance that feels good from the inside out.

Recovery is a practice of learning how to be comfortable and soft in the unknown unfolding of our own becoming.

This state naturally shifts our way of eating, relating to our body, and ability to receive nourishment of love and connection.

This is organic and emergent recovery that reveals more of ourselves to ourselves step by step, supported by the warm embrace of our own presence.

Photo by anja. on Unsplash

Smiling Is The Key For Eating Disorder Recovery

This is a picture of Rumi and I in Mexico City sharing a moment of joy :) This is his face as he gets increasingly excited! ^^

I wanted to include this picture as I am currently in a portal of expansion...

I am remembering how to expand my mouth into a smile. Yes, I’m relearning how to smile.

Let me expand ;)

From a young age, I learnt how to hide my emotions by showing very little expression on my face. It became a personal superpower.

Few people could clearly read me or know how their words or actions affected me. Armed with a blank stare, my vulnerabilities could be hidden out of sight. As I got older, some people found my “mysteriousness” alluring, until they got tired of dancing around my walls of protection.

These protective walls showed up in my body as a clamped jaw, tight lips, and a face wiped of expression.

The walls showed up as disordered food behaviours; food was no longer allowed to give me pleasure or satisfaction. And exercise had to be punishing rather than joyful or fun.

There wasn’t much room for smiling (which my eating disorder was pleased about).

Sharing a smile was something that felt dangerous. This was because sharing a smile meant that I was expanding.

Feeling a sincere smile spread across my face, I felt my face grow and expand. I felt energy rising, my heartrate increasing, my spine lengthening, and my inner fire starting to flicker.

In that moment, a knee-jerk reaction would happen.

I was unconsciously interpreting this experience as my nervous system getting ready to take action: to fight or flee. You see, there are similar mechanisms that occur in the body when the nervous system starts to increase its energy to engage in conflict or to jump with joy.

This is our sympathetic nervous system beginning to rev its engine. This part of our nervous system is needed so that we can get up in the morning, complete tasks, play with others, engage in physical activities, have sex, speak in public, debate, and fight off or run away from threat.

When we can’t discern between energy rising to protect and energy rising to connect, we will most likely not trust this energy and shut it away.

As this smile would emerge, I feared I would keep expanding and expanding, taking up space, becoming too big. And in the fear of being seen (aka in the line of fire), I would shut down the smile. And immediately, whatever was starting to warm and rise up would numbly flatten and mute.

Whenever there was a sense of something expanding, of something changing, of something evolving, of something old being disrupted, my eating disorder and other parts of me would find ways to cling onto the shores of the known, resisting, and restricting away from life, keeping me small and shut away.

Have you felt how much energy it takes to stifle a smile (or laughter)?

Resisting and restricting a smile takes an enormous amount of energy from the body.

Denying the body to experience the expansive frequencies of joy (aka healing, growth, change, evolution, and transformation) blocks flow to easefully move through the body.

This process of shutting down energetically locks us off from parts of ourselves, and over time can establish a baseline of physical pain and emotional emptiness that impacts beliefs, relationships, and how we interact with the world.

For people navigating an eating disorder or disordered eating, there is usually an inner conflict in expressing oneself, particularly allowing feelings of joy, pleasure, satisfaction, and love.

Additionally, folks with disordered eating (and a history of some kind of trauma) know the feelings of discomfort and emotional flatness all too well and know how to tolerate them too.

As such, learning that it’s safe to move away from the discomfort that one has known or has become used to - and towards the smiles and joy - is where the work lies.

Trying on a new way of being can bring up many feels! It may be hard to trust that there’s safety in the unknown.

This fear of stepping into the unknown can keep people looping in discomfort even if it’s uncomfortable.

But why do we stay in the discomfort even if sucks?

For some, discomfort may be the exact description of one’s upbringing as a child. Being uncomfortable may be the only thing one has ever known.

Expressing one’s emotions, creativity, spontaneous joy or boundless love may have been misunderstood, not attuned to, or even shamed from a young age. As such, disconnecting from these colourful feelings may have been the only way to survive.

Feelinh ok and safe in expansive emotions can be scary because there may be a fear that the goodness of the moment will be taken away, and/or discomfort is something one has come to know and expect.

The belief is that “If I stick with this discomfort, then at least I know what will happen and I won’t be hurt. If I allow myself to feel good, I will be let down and it’ll hurt even more.”

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The ways in which we relate to our smiles and expansive feelings show up on our plate and with our bodies. The rules that we have learnt from a young age around how digest our emotions mirror back how we digest food.

Disordered eating behaviours are the body’s way of communicating to us about its internal state.

An eating disorder is the body’s way of letting us know that something is out of balance, and that there’s something isn’t being fully felt or expressed. An eating disorder is pointing us towards change.

An eating disorder is the body telling us that how things are right now need to shift.

Eating disorders indicate that there are undigested feelings that have been stuck inside for a long time that want to be processed and released.

When we meet and digest these feelings, the body can let them go, opening up space for something more aligned to form and shifts the nervous system from existing in the past to embodying the present.

Letting go of the familiar old feelings and the frozen, blank expressions requires great courage, trust, and support as we step off the shores of the known into the expansive - and oftentimes mysterious - unknown.

And in this moment where we have gathered our courage and commitment to curious exploration, we practice our smiles and slowly and safely open up to more joy.

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It is here, where I would like end with a personal story.

I was in a plant medicine ceremony, and I could feel the conflict between sitting with the familiar blank face and the desire to lean into a smile.

I felt some resistance but remembered that all I needed was one small step. And so, I very subtly allowed a tiny inner smile to develop. If you were looking at me from the outside, you probably wouldn’t have even noticed my smile emerging. But I could feel it and that was all that mattered.

I played with this for some time, feeling how this inner smile affected my cheeks and my eyes, as well as my throat, chest, and belly. I slowly let it ripple and radiate and allowed my smile respond moments in the ceremony where something funny or beautiful occurred.

This practice of the allowing my inner smile helped me stayed socially connected to the group, and in a state of gratitude, openness, and self-compassion. It kept me in flow.

It helped me face feelings of homesickness and grief with resiliency.

My inner smile supported me staying present, adaptable and fluid in the face of every ever-changing moment.

And so, I invite you to join me on this embodied mission to remember our sacred smiles, to notice when it’s gone (and to question why when it disappears), and to continue cultivating it as an ally and resource as we stretch into the unknowns that ultimately bring the healing that we have been seeking.

Find the small crack and let the light in.

Fan that flicker of a flame.

Let it grow slowly.