A Cloud with a Face: Remembering I Belong
A Cloud with a Face: Remembering I Belong
A few hours into a mushroom journey, I hit yet another wall of confusion, doubt, and uncertainty. I found myself caught between the quiet, intuitive knowing of my body and the louder, rationalizing voices of my mind.
I felt stuck.
Pendulum-swinging.
Taking one step forward, then one step back.
Then, after much inner wriggling, I finally paused — and fear spilled out of me.
At first, I was afraid of the fear itself. But then I softened, became curious, and recognized the feeling:
The deep, human fear of being alone. Of not belonging. Of not being welcomed on this planet.
This fear took me to a much younger part of myself.
She was terrified that if she surrendered to the wisdom of her body — if she let it guide her — she would be swept away, lost in the unknown, and utterly alone. She believed the body was too wild, too dangerous, too unsafe to trust.
The mind, she believed, was where she could strategize, perform, and people-please to minimize the risk of rejection and protect herself from the gut-wrenching pain of being unwelcomed.
I thanked her for protecting me the only way she knew how.
Later, I stepped outside, lifted my arms to the sky, and let my eyes drink in the clouds.
And then — a face appeared in the clouds.
I knew, instantly, I was connecting with something divine.
And just as quickly, I contracted.
“Who am I to receive this?” I thought.
I didn’t feel worthy. I couldn’t welcome in this beauty. Who was I to deserve such a meeting? I had nothing to show. I didn’t believe I deserved such a moment of interconnection.
But then I remembered the young part of me — the one afraid of being alone.
And I gently told her: “Look up.”
And in that moment, we both saw what was true:
There is a mysterious, unbroken, benevolent force that welcomes us — all of us — home with the deepest of love. Not despite our fear, our stuckness, or our shame, but with it. As we are.
My body softened.
Bracing became embracing.
Contraction gave way to curiosity.
Fear transformed into a felt sense of connection and love.
The shape of the cloud shifted.
It became a female form — my form — and I remembered:
God is not outside me. God is within.
I felt my younger part expanding, as she stepped closer towards expressing what her heart knew at birth: she belongs unconditionally.
The Body’s Wisdom Is Not Something to Fear
This moment was a somatic reminder that:
💡 Story follows state.
As my nervous system shifted out of fear and into safety, my worldview softened too.
And that’s when it landed:
Can I trust that as all of me comes forward into existence, I am enough?
It’s the same question I see arise in so many of my clients navigating eating disorder recovery.
And it’s at the heart of the healing path.
When Life Force Wasn’t Met, We Learned to Disappear
For many of us with eating disorders or disordered eating, there is a core wound around not being welcomed in our full, authentic life force.
As children, when we began expanding into the world, expressing, individuating, becoming, we often weren’t met with attunement. Diet culture then capitalizes on this mistrust, convincing us to instead rely on external rules, starving us from our own life force and wisdom.
When our life force hasn’t been allowed to be fully embodied, we can be highly influenced by other people’s wants and needs as we lack inner clarity to know what is it that we are needing, wanting or feeling.
When we can't accurately perceive or interpret the cues that our bodies are giving us, either by hyper-focusing or under-focusing on them, the choices we make lead to dysregulation and stress in the body.
We learned that our aliveness wasn’t safe.
We internalized the belief that our needs were too much, our bodies were a problem, and that being ourselves meant risking rejection.
“It’s not okay for me to exist.”
“I can’t trust my body.”
“I don’t belong.”
“I’m broken and unworthy.”
But when held with compassion, this wound becomes a portal.
A way back to the truth that:
We are inherently welcome here.
Our life force is not dangerous.
It is sacred and is a gift.
Psychedelics Can Help Us Remember What We Forgot
When approached with care, safety, and reverence, psychedelics can transform old wounds into new wisdom.
They support us in:
Listening to the body’s inner cues (interoception)
Trusting our intuitive knowing
Honouring wants, needs, and boundaries
Returning to the intelligence within
Plugging us back into our interconnection with the wider web
Resting back into this greater weave of connection is the fuel that can allow us to trust in our bodies, listen to its guidance, and takes leaps of faith into the unknown — because we know on a cellular level that we not alone on this life’s walk. For me, this embodied remembering that psychedelics offer us is one of the life’s greatest gifts.
And often, it begins with one simple, courageous step: Trust the body’s wisdom.
When We Expand Into Embodiment, Food Begins to Feel Different
As we grow our capacity to be with the sensations and signals of our body, our relationship with food naturally begins to shift.
Instead of relying on external rules, we begin to:
Notice hunger and fullness with more precision
Explore food preferences with curiosity
Understand how different foods feel in our bodies
By expanding more awareness into our body container, we begin to explore the edges and depths of our own life force and embodied expression.
When we reclaim our interoception, our body’s inner compass, our choices become more centered, regulated, and aligned.
Indeed, as we deepen into our sense embodiment, we bring sharper focus to our inner state. This is a discovery and a practice of seeing ourselves more clearly.
It is uncovering, recovering and discovering who we truly are underneath the layers of protection, conditioning and fear (which has often been carried through many generations).
This is what recovery is about:
✨ Not fixing ourselves — but finally seeing ourselves clearly.
When we truly see ourselves, we remember that we are inherently enough.
The Clarity Psychedelics Bring Is a Gift
In psychedelic states, the brain’s default mode network quiets, and the rigid stories of who we think we are begin to dissolve.
We are invited to:
Feel the clarity of our inner compass
Reclaim exiled or forgotten parts of ourselves
See our truth beneath the fear
The word clarity comes from clarus — meaning bright, shining, luminous.
And when we reclaim that clarity, we can let our unique life force flow through us — with grace, sovereignty, and trust.
Your Healing Is My Healing
The body wants to heal. It longs to be vibrant, alive, fully expressed.
And when we allow that healing, it doesn't just transform us.
It ripples outward.
💞 Your healing is my healing.
My healing is your healing.
Our healing is all healing.
When we trust the body again, a wise remembering occurs:
I am welcomed on this Earth.
My life force is not a burden.
I am safe to be who I am.
Final Blessing: Look Up
So let this be your gentle reminder:
Your body is not the problem. Your life force is not too much. You are worthy.
You are not alone.
Look up.
You never know what you might receive.
Photo by Tsuyoshi Kozu on Unsplash