Blog Articles
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Reclaiming Want: From Restriction to Reaching Out in Eating Disorder Recovery
The Rules We Learned About Wanting
Growing up, what were the rules you learned about wanting?
What was acceptable to want? What was off-limits? Did you secretly reach for things when no one was looking?
The feeling of wanting — whether hunger, longing, craving, or desire — is one of the most human experiences we have. Yet many of us learned early that wanting itself was wrong. Diet culture deepens this wound, teaching us that what we crave is shameful, indulgent, or a sign of weakness. We were told that to be “good” we must override our bodies and suppress our needs.
This collective shaming of desire doesn’t just shape our relationship with food; it seeps into how we relate to love, belonging, and authenticity. For so many, worthiness became tied to not needing at all.
The Developmental Movement of Reach
From the moment we are born, the body knows how to reach. Reaching is a developmental movement pattern that connects us to the world: extending our hand, our eyes, our voice, our whole being toward nourishment, safety, and love.
When wanting is shamed, our capacity to reach gets stunted. We collapse inward instead of expanding outward. We cut ourselves off from connection physically and emotionally.
Reclaiming our ability to reach is central to recovery. It’s about remembering that wanting is natural, that reaching connects us to life and our inherent curiosity and inspiration, and that the act of extending outward is what allows us to form relationships.
From Restriction to Receiving
Recovery is not about denying desire. It is about moving from restriction to receiving, from protection to connection, from bracing to embracing. This is the journey of softening shame and expanding our capacity to receive.
This transformation is gradual. Like a clenched fist that slowly opens into a palm, the body learns to hold more of life with receptivity and trust.
Plant medicines and psychedelics often mirror this process. In heightened states of sensitivity, the body feels sensation, memory, and emotion more acutely. The challenge and the invitation are to stay open, to allow, to practice embracing the fullness of life rather than contracting away. When held safely, these experiences can teach us resilience, emotional regulation, and the embodied trust that supports lasting change.
Reclaiming Want
To reclaim want is to reclaim life.
Recovery asks us to honour wanting as natural, to relearn reaching as safe, and to remember that receiving does not make us weak — it makes us whole.
The more we can practice reaching out towards the soul nourishment that is already here (for us reaching out to us!), the easier it becomes to reach for the food that we truly want (rather than what diet culture stipulates).
When we reach for what want, and we sense how we are supported in this act of sincere reaching, this leads to a sense of greater trust, satisfaction, and fulfillment.
In receiving what is coming towards us without shame or needing to hide or pretend, we open up our capacity to give.
Receiving and giving is an act of extending out into the world and out into relationship. Our reach can be reciprocal and can nourish the whole.
Cultivate the clarity on what you want. You are deserving of what you want.
Reach out.
To food that truly nourishes you.
To the hands that want to hold you.
To your own inner voice reminding you that you are deserving of what you want.
This is not about playing small. It is about letting in the fullness of life, one reach at a time.
If you are curious to explore a somatic-based approach to eating disorder recovery, you are welcome to reach out to me. I offer one-on-one and group-based ED recovery support, held by embodiment principles, Polyvagal Theory, and developmental movements. You can schedule a free 30-min call to discuss ways of working together.
Restore Body Trust at Home: A Somatic Practice Using a Physio Ball
Rebuilding Body Trust, One Bounce At A Time
In eating disorder recovery, reconnecting with your body isn’t just emotional, it’s a physical process. A physio ball may seem like a simple tool, but in the context of somatic healing, it becomes a powerful ally in restoring regulation, boundaries, and interoceptive clarity.
Whether you're recovering from bingeing, restricting, or body image struggles, this at-home practice can support your journey back to body trust, self-regulation, and digestion, from the inside out.
Why a Physio Ball?
The ball is both stable and responsive. When I lie on it, bounce on it, or breathe against it, I feel something solid meeting me. There’s feedback, connection, and an embodied reminder: I exist, I am supported, I belong here.
This kind of physical contact can help:
Reestablish a sense of safety
Awaken gut awareness and interoceptive signals
Support the vagus nerve and digestion
Build energetic and emotional boundaries
Somatic Practices to Try at Home
1. Yield and Be Held
Lie on your back on the physio ball, draping over it. Feel the support underneath you, especially behind your heart and pelvis.
Can you let yourself be held? Can you yield into support?
This helps signal safety to your nervous system and builds trust in resting. From here, a sense of "I have enough. I am enough" can arise.
2. Bounce to Meet Your Life Force
Sit and gently bounce on the ball, letting your spine and pelvis find rhythm. This connects you to your vitality and sexual energy in a safe and contained way, reminding your system that aliveness can feel good.
3. Define Your Edges
Breathe against the ball. Feel it push back.
This helps clarify:
Where do I begin and end?
What are my yeses and nos?
This simple push builds boundary awareness, which is key for intuitive eating, consent, and emotional clarity.
4. Stimulate Gut Receptors
Place the ball or a pillow on your belly and breathe into it slowly. You might want to drape over the ball for this one too. The gentle pressure activates receptors in your gut, helping you recognize hunger, fullness, and emotional cues.
5. Regulate Before Meals
Before eating, breathe with the ball or a pillow to activate the low-tone dorsal parasympathetic system—the part of the nervous system that supports digestion and social engagement.
This prepares your body to receive food without overwhelm or shutdown.
From Dysregulation to Interoception
Over time, these somatic cues guided by the ball lead to better digestion, refined body connection (able to track, feel, and name sensations (aka interoceptive awareness)), stronger boundaries, clarity around wans, needs, and preferences, and greater regulation and trust around eating. They also help you access something even deeper — your gut knowing.
The more you come into your body, the more you can feel the subtle in-between, where the whispers of clarity and truth reside. The ball helps with that in a playful way. It gives your nervous system something to push against, something to connect with and trust.
This is the path of restoring body trust: one breath, one boundary, one bounce at a time.
Have You Tried It?
Have you used a physio ball or similar somatic tools in your healing journey? Let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear how it's helped you reconnect with your body.
To see me practicing with the physio ball, check out my IG post.
Photo by jerry chen on Unsplash
Why Body Checking Isn’t Really About Vanity: A Somatic Perspective on Body Image and Embodiment
Body checking is often misunderstood as vanity or obsession with appearance. But beneath the surface, this behavior is a signpost — a survival strategy pointing to deeper struggles with body dysmorphia, trauma, and disconnection.
In this post, we’ll explore:
What body checking is and why we do it
How it relates to identity, safety, and nervous system regulation
Practices to support embodiment and healing from body image issues
What Is Body Checking?
Body checking refers to repetitive behaviours used to assess or measure one’s body, such as pinching, squeezing, feeling, or looking in mirrors. These actions often focus on areas of perceived “flaws” and can become compulsive.
But here’s the deeper truth:
Body checking isn’t just about size. It’s also about existence.
For many people, especially those with eating disorders or body dysmorphia, changes in the body trigger identity confusion — "If my body changes, am I still me?" Body checking becomes a way to anchor identity in a world that feels unstable or unsafe.
The Link Between Body Checking, Trauma, and Disembodiment
Often, the inability to “be” in one’s body stems from the nervous system’s history of survival adaptations.
When we’ve experienced trauma — particularly attachment trauma or early developmental ruptures — the spaces and people around us may have felt unsafe or dysregulating. Our bodies learned to brace, numb, or disconnect. We move further and further away from our sense of embodiment, which leaves us feeling like we don’t exist.
➡️ In this context, body checking is an unconscious attempt to feel real — to confirm, through physical touch or visual feedback, that we still exist and are “enough” to be here.
You’re Not Afraid of Your Body—Your Body Is Holding Fear
Here’s a reframe:
You’re not afraid of your body.
Your body is holding fear.
Fear that was never discharged.
Fear from moments where the body mobilized to fight, flee, or freeze, and never had the chance to complete that cycle.
When those survival energies stay stuck in the system, the body becomes associated with discomfort or threat. We begin to project fear onto the body itself, compounding body image issues and furthering disconnection.
Healing Through Embodiment and Safety
As we begin to release this trapped survival stress and establish safety through somatic practices, the need to body check naturally fades. Here's what helps:
Proprioceptive and interoceptive practices (e.g., mindful movement, developmental movement patterns, breath awareness)
Connecting to the midline and central channel — the core of your being
Spending time in environments that feel safe and affirming
Co-regulating with others who are committed to healing and embodiment
These tools help us inhabit the body not as an enemy, but as home.
A Message for the Part of You That Still Doesn’t Feel Safe
You exist.
You belong.
You are worthy of being here, just as you are.
Your life force is not too much — it’s not dangerous — it’s sacred.
Your body is not broken.
It’s asking to be met with safety, presence, and love.
As fear softens and your nervous system finds regulation, your body becomes less something to manage or fix, and more a place to live, love, and trust.
May you come home to body.
Photo by Wang Sheeran on Unsplash
Connection Is Our First Form Of Nourishment
Many people with eating disorders experience a deep yearning for connection. This stems from not receiving the warmth and safety of healthy attachment. Connection is not just a want—it's a fundamental need, especially for those struggling with disordered eating.
Why Connection Matters for Eating Disorders
When thinking about eating disorders, it's essential to look beyond food. Our primary source of nourishment is relationships—how we connect with others shapes our experience of nourishment in all forms, including food. Humans, as social beings, need connection to survive and thrive.
The way we relate to ourselves and the world around us is heavily influenced by our early relationships with caregivers, societal norms, and cultural structures. These relationships not only shape our emotional well-being but also impact our relationship with food, another crucial form of nourishment.
How Relationships Influence Our Connection with Food
Food provides the physical energy and life force our bodies need. Just like connection, eating is an intimate act—taking something from the outside and bringing it inside us. Our relationship with food often mirrors the way we connect with others.
For those with eating disorders, this relationship can be distorted. How we were taught to relate to food is often tied to the attachment patterns we developed in early life. If we didn’t receive the care we needed from caregivers or society, it can affect our nervous system and lead us to believe the world is unsafe and nourishment is scarce.
The Role of the Nervous System in Eating Disorders
Over the course of our first seven years, the development of the ventral portion of our autonomic nervous system forms. This is established via the act of co-regulation, which is the quality of connection that primary caregivers offer their children.
By “borrowing” our caregiver’s nervous system, our inner source of regulation, how we deal with stress, and how we relate to our emotions is developed. The primary wiring of the autonomic nervous system shapes and molds how we connect with the world and others, and how we connect with ourselves.
As children, when we don’t receive the emotional nourishment we need, it dysregulates our nervous system. We may develop beliefs such as, "My needs don't matter," or "I can't trust others to meet my needs." In response, we find ways to survive, even if they are unhealthy.
This is where disordered eating comes in. The behaviors associated with eating disorders are often the body’s way of communicating unmet needs. They are attempts to find the connection, safety, and regulation that were missing in our early attachments.
Healing Through Connection: A Path to Recovery
Recovery from an eating disorder involves adding the support and resources that were missing in the attachment system. By creating safety in the body, we can begin to heal the parts of ourselves that are holding on to past traumas. This helps the body grow its capacity to hold the fullness of our emotions and experiences.
Connection is hardwired into us, and it's through safe, nurturing relationships that we develop a sense of self and learn how to relate to the world. Healing from disordered eating involves reconnecting with our bodies and learning to trust again.
The Impact of Early Trauma on Eating Disorders
For many people with eating disorders, early developmental trauma plays a significant role. Misattuned co-regulation from caregivers during childhood can lead to feelings of shame, confusion, and disconnection from the body.
When our caregivers fail to reflect our emotions accurately or meet our needs, we start to doubt our own experiences. This can lead to looking outside of ourselves for validation and disconnecting from our true feelings, bodies, and intuition.
Eating disorder behaviours are simply the body telling us what is missing in the attachment system, and the behaviours are in some way an attempt to meet those needs and wants in the ways that the body knows how.
Understanding Eating Disorders as Survival Mechanisms
Disordered eating behaviors are not dysfunctional strategies but are strategies of survival. They are ways to avoid the pain and fear associated with intimacy and connection. Many people with eating disorders have been hurt in relationships, and these behaviors act as protective mechanisms to prevent further harm.
However, these survival strategies prevent us from fully connecting with ourselves, others, and life. Recovery is about bringing compassion to the body and relearning how to connect in safe, nourishing ways.
Reflecting on Our Relationship with Food and Connection
Eating disorders mirror one’s ability to connect with oneself and with others.
Take a moment to reflect on your relationship with food and connection:
How connected do you feel to your hunger and fullness cues?
How attuned are you to your needs, desires, and emotions?
How do you digest your emotions?
Do you feel any shame around wanting?
How comfortable are you with intimacy and allowing others in?
Complete the sentence: When I feel connected, I am…
Complete the sentence: When I feel connected to the world around me, I notice in my body…
Complete the sentence: When I feel safe, I connect to…
These questions can help bring awareness to the patterns that shape your relationship with food and connection.
As we restore capacity, trust, and safety with our bodies and with others, the eating disorder strategies soften.
Connection becomes available within and with the outside world, and with that a source of regulation, empowerment and nourishment.
Creating Safety in the Body for Healing
To heal from an eating disorder, it's crucial to create safety in the body. When the body feels safe, the protective layers begin to soften, and we can open up to connection. Safety allows us to experience the present moment, which is where healing happens.
By connecting to the present moment and the sensations in the body, we can start to heal the underlying wounds.
In order to access a sense of connection with our bodies, in relationship, and in the world at large, it requires enough safety.
Opening to connect is vulnerable. This is why safety is key to support this process of softening and opening up.
Reflect on a time when you have felt a sense of safety. Who was with you, where were you and what were you doing? How did you feel? How did you relate to food and eating and your body? How present was the eating disorder voice?
When the body recognises safety in the external environment and feels that internally, there is an embodied alignment between the outside and the inside experience that registers “I can put the guard down”.
When we feel safe, there is an opportunity for the protective layers to slowly dethaw, including the defensive walls of the eating disorder - and we can let in the nourishment of connection.
The ruminative, looping mind that is associated with a nervous system that is in fear and dysregulation quietens, making space for the body innate intelligence towards healing to guide.
An eating disorder cannot exist when we reside in the present moment.
The eating disorder feels most protected when we are focused cognitively on the past or future (e.g. thinking about a meal from the past or what we will eat in the future) rather than the present - which is where the body lives.
To connect to the present moment means we have to connect with the body, which includes all of the feelings and sensations that it holds.
Connecting to the body is the gateway to recovery. And opening to this connection needs to be done slowly so that trust and safety can be firmly established.
The Role of Connection in Thriving Beyond Eating Disorders
True recovery is about learning to receive (rather than restrict) nourishment in all forms—through food, relationships, creativity, and love.
We are allowed, deserving and worthy of these forms of nourishment.
Part of eating disorder recovery is learning how to deepen our embodied presence, to safely grow the capacity to let more of life in whilst staying regulated and connected to the body and the environment around us.
We need connection to not just survive, but to thrive. Attuning to our bodies with self-compassion and forming healthy, supportive relationships helps us build the safety and trust we need so that the eating disorder can let go of us.