The Work Is In The Rest
Nuqui, Colombia
This ^^ was my backyard for the 10 days. I spent some time with a remote part of the Pacific coastline of Colombia, getting in a much-needed dose of sun, sea salt, and sand.
It was delicious -
My skin soaked up the Vitamin D.
It was beautiful -
Jungles flow into ocean.
It was magical -
A mumma turtle laid her eggs a few steps from our cabaña.
And… it was slow.
And when things get slow, it stirs stuff up in me.
You see, the thing is, I’ve had an issue with slowing down for most of my life.
I learnt early on that to be fast, productive, busy, and achieving was good. To be on the go-go-go gave me a sense of enoughness and worth. To always be doing something meant that I was a valid human.
And the strategies of my eating disorder played very well into that narrative.
Through the disordered eating and body behaviours, I could stay distracted, busy, and on the move, and in that way, the eating disorder essentially helped me feel a sense of worth.
What I learnt from the masculine drum beat that our society marches to was that to be slow basically meant I had lost my edge, had let myself go, was lazy, and not enough. Not keeping up with the pace on this drumbeat felt like I didn’t have a place in society, like I didn’t belong, or was worthy enough to belong.
And feeling all of this would put me into an urgent survival response (which would of course exacerbate the eating disorder!).
When I took a step back and saw how I was desperately trying to keep up, deep, deep down, beyond the eating disorder, what I was truly looking for was a sense of worth.
It has taken many years to find my innate value outside of what I do or achieve, produce, or succeed at. It has taken many years to find my inherent worth outside of the eating disorder. It has taken many years to trust that rest is vital and nothing to be ashamed of.
And upon noticing some recent triggers arise whilst on the Colombia coast, it is clear that these themes of rest, worth, and enoughness continue to be my “work”.
I’m ok with that. I know that this path isn’t linear. I am aware that lessons often need to be repeated many times. Rather than shaming or blaming (that would only bring more forcing, pushing, and striving), I try to bring self-compassion, curiosity, and perspective.
With this compassion, curiosity, and perspective…
I remember that the culture that many of us live in champions burning out in the name of service and success.
I remember that the culture that many of us live in prioritizes juggling all of the plates all of the time.
I remember that the culture that many of us live in world disconnected from the rhythmical nature of the Earth.
I remember that the culture that many of us live in has normalized staying busy as a subconscious attempt to avoid our trauma and these exact systemic issues.
I am sure many of you who are on the eating disorder recovery path know that slowing down is a big part of the healing process.
And this is something that psychedelics also shine light on again and again.
Psychedelics remind us that in order to restore trust and connection with the body, we need to make space to listen and attune. This requires a slowing down.
In order to build a relationship with the body outside of the eating disorder rules and die culture expectations, we have to relearn how to relate to the body that doesn’t override, push, or force it.
And when we slow down, we can start to hear the body’s quiet whispers and desires, as well as emotion or energy that has been become stuck, overlooked, or pushed past.
Psychedelics can help us build up the courage and compassion to slow down enough to hear the body’s score.
Indeed, sometimes eating disorder recovery actually requires us to do less. To let go. When we don’t know what step to take on our recovery path, sometimes surrendering is the best action to take.
Letting go and
surrendering
into rest.
These are things that can’t be ticked off a to-do list.
Rest is a deep biological need for our bodies and the overall functioning of our nervous system. When we enter into a rest state, we shift from a sympathetic (survival) state to a parasympathetic state that governs our rest-and-digest functions.
And when we slow things down, we can attune to the body and its deeper rhythms. These biological rhythms are more closely aligned to the rhythms of the Earth rather than the uniform, patriarchal drum beat that most of society marches to.
By aligning with this natural rhythm, gradually more space is created for something bigger than us to fill.
Rest makes room for repair, regeneration and healing.
Rest gives space for something to expand.
Rest offers time for us dream into the next steps of our recovery.
Rest allows for meaningful values and direction to become clearer.
Rest gives space for our innate worthiness and enoughness to emerge.
When we slow down, we give an important signal to our bodies that “I have done enough, there’s enough for me, I’m enough, there’s enough for everyone, and I belong” .
Regardless of what we have done or haven’t done, we are enough because we are here. right. now. This is the medicine of rest.
When we practice and build the capacity to slow down, to rest (and digest), we signal to our system that we are enough, simply because we are here on this Earth.
Rest is something we all deserve regardless of what we have done or haven’t done.
Here’s to taking the bold step out of diet culture and practicing attuning to our authentic rhythms of our own bodies.
Happy resting and digesting.