What I Learnt From Breaking My Leg

On the night of February 9th 2021 on Ometepe island in Nicaragua, I got on the back of a motorbike. I knew I shouldn’t but I did anyway. We drove up a dodgy hill and lost control. I fell off the bike with it landing on my twisted leg, that then pierced a rock, opening up a gash in my shin.

I ended up with a spiral fracture and a big cut, resulting in surgery where they placed two plates and ten bolts in my leg. Pure power!

It could have been worse; it always can.

The accident was a long-time coming. In fact, I knew something like this was bound to happen soon. I had been calling in stillness and the big shots to help with my eating disorder recovery. I needed to hit rock bottom. So I hit a rock and fell to my knees.

The accident and subsequent recovery has been one of the most life-changing and inspiring experiences. I have received immeasurable amounts of love, care and support from loved ones, strangers, my ancestors, the lands of Nicaragua and South Africa, the plants and helping spirits.

Teddy Love at Hospital

My Tibia is Officially Bionic

Unconditional Love from my Community

Here are some of the things I have learnt thus far:

1. Time is an illusion.

   When I was able to focus on the pace of my own healing rather than expecting my leg to heal by a certain time, I felt calm and at ease. As soon as I tried to catch up with everyone or rush my healing, I felt impatient, anxious and fearful. I committed to staying in the harmonious flow of my own healing, rather than playing into doctors’ projections of when I would heal, or trying to fast-track my process. Being present has been the ultimate medicine.

2. Connection and friendship are lifesaving.

   I am so grateful to my past self for taking the time to build genuine relationships based on trust, compassion and integrity. Despite being away from my home country, oldest friends and parents, I had cultivated true friendships over the year and a half of living in Central America. This meant I had an abundance of support and care in a variety of forms. The overflow of love was tremendous. I could never have got through it - truly - with such ease and grace without my tribe!

3. Your body knows better than anyone.

   Listening to my body has been a hard thing for me. My eating disorder has helped me stay conveniently out of touch with my body but this injury brought me right back. Never have I felt so in tune with my intuition and body’s needs. I listen with way more honour than I have ever did. This teaching also means that while I respect my doctor and any other support team member that comes my way, I have the choice and free will to decide what is right for my body. My body knows better than anyone. And with this attitude, my healing went at a much faster rate because I chose not to be limited to any time frame (see point #1).

4. Feel the feels but drop the story.

   I have had periods of sadness and anger, but as soon as the accident happened, I dropped immediately into a space of acceptance and forgiveness. I could see the wider picture of why it all happened and welcomed it into my life. I had no desire to ruminate of what I could have done differently, who was to blame or why I was “the one”.

5. The healing you ask for is the healing you get.

   I asked for deeper connection with my body through stillness and grounding. I even imagined myself sitting somewhere quietly in nature. I knew that for this vision to come to life, something major would have to shift that would require me to be still with the subtle. And then the accident happened and all I could do was sit! Healing comes in any forms. Expect the unexpected. Accept it humbly.

6. Connection to something greater.

   I am so grateful for my spiritual practice that helped me to connect to something greater than myself, that helped me see that this “accident” was for my highest growth (not punishment), and that it occurred for my own, and the world’s growth and transformation. Finding solace in the Divine timing gave meaning to the experience and understanding why it was meant to happen, and thus to see it through with gratitude and peace. Everything is sacred and everything is on our path to support our Highest good.

7. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

   I just surrendered, accepted, and let it all be. I allowed myself to be in is the chapter of accident, injury and healing and to truly be in it fully. It was a chapter that I knew wasn’t going to last forever, and that this chapter was ripe with unique gifts! This practice allowed me to stay open to many possibilities that were exclusive to this moment.

8. Stillness is required before authentic movement can emerge.

   Before the accident I was running towards something. I was running away from something. I was chasing, clinging, and moving in many directions. I was running for others. But I was not moving towards where I wanted to go. Stillness, pausing, stopping for a breath was required so that I could get back on my own path, at my pace. Indeed, plans from the Divine are much more refined and will always course correct when we are out of alignment.

9. There is no such thing as security or control in life.

   Things can change in a matter of milliseconds. The impermanent sacredness of the body is suddenly immeasurable and humbling when going through a sudden, lighting-strike-change. We are being asked to loosen the grip on the illusion of control. We are being asked to accept that transition and that change is always happening.

10. Health is wealth.

    I was fortunate to have the resources to pay for quality healthcare in Nicaragua which included a trusted surgeon, nurses and a doctor who saw me for two weeks to clean my wound and give me antibiotics. I have been working with a physio. I have had the means to eat nourishing food. I have had the time to literally stop everything and focus my energy of healing; I have had very little stress or distractions during this time. Good health and good healthcare are a privilege.

Healing on the shores of Ometepe.

Eating Disorder Recovery Support Package: The Ultimate Giveaway!

Hi loves

I am excited to announce a giveaway (or giftaway as I like to call it) that is very close to my heart: The Eating Disorder Recovery Support Package. This free giveaway has been on my mind and heart for a long time and I had many thoughts on what to include and how to go about sharing it, and finally, it has all aligned.

I believe that this giveaway supports anyone who is walking their eating disorder recovery path. Many of us know this already, but eating disorders are not about the food. The food is used in a way of coping in a big, scary world. It is a way of hiding from the word, and ultimately our fullest selves. Eating disorders are a way masking from shame, doubt, guilt and fear. The food and the body then becomes tools in which to control and manipulate in order to manage, get by and run away from hard emotions, vulnerabilities, trauma and fears, especially around connection.

Whilst each of our histories around food are unique and how we came to using food in disordered ways differ, what we all are seeking and desire is connection.

No mud no lotus, no lotus no mud.

There are many ways we can connect, and depending on where we are at, some ways to connect are scarier than others. Ultimately however, we need connection.

The first place we can connect is with our bodies. We can connect with our Highest Selves and to our subconscious. We have many opportunities to connect with other humans in various situations, including being in family dynamics, socially with friends, and in the work environment. We can connect with nature, and tap into and connect to our own creative flow.

The Eating Disorder Recovery Support Package aims to provide you with ways in which to connect first and foremost with your body - from the perspective, language and understanding of what it means to be in eating disorder recovery.

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Each item included in the giveaway has been crafted and selected to help you get in touch with your body in all kinds of ways.

• Become aware of the aliveness of your body temple through an inspiring and energizing guided conscious dance.

• Enjoy being in your human form, question your habitual movement patterns and find new pathways to express through a private guided intuitive movement class.

• Release the critical mind and use your body as a channel for creative expression.

• Feel the softness by surrendering the entire body by following a safe and gentle guided relaxation yoga Nidra.

• Uplift your senses and reinvigorate your vitality with handcrafted plant medicines, including herbal wands and medicinal mushrooms.

• Luxuriate in your temple through a sensual guided self-message with locally made oils.

• Learn about hormones and natural ways to synch up your body’s moon cycle with the la Luna herself.

• Assess your own recovery through guided journal reflection questions.

• Process emotions and connect in a safe container with me.

If you desire to improve your relationship with yourself, this giveaway is for you. Indeed once we connect to that, our relationship with food and our bodies naturally transform.

Wherever you are on your eating disorder recovery path, you can enter and apply to this special giveaway by heading to this Instagram post on my feed and leave a comment on what “recovery” means to you. It can be a word, a quote, a story… anything!

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This giveaway includes gifts and experiences that support YOU in your recovery path. It is valued at R3,589.00 and includes a multitude of local, South African products, prerecorded meditations, movement and art journeys, and live calls with me.

what you can expect from this giveaway

1x support and consulting call with me [60-90 minutes, worth R400]

1x private somatic movement journey with me [60 minutes, worth R350]

My eating disorder recovery handbook ebook, One Way Ticket To The Soul [worth R250]

My hormonal balancing and vegan recipe ebook, Eat With The Moon [worth R299]

Exclusive guided dance therapy meditation, guided by me [worth R200]

Exclusive guided Nidra yoga meditation, guided by me [worth R200]

Exclusive guided self-massage meditation, guided by me [R200]

Art therapy exercise with meditation, guided by me [worth R200]

Nourish Your Wild bundle by Wild Love Co., includes Smoke Wand, Third Eye Incense , Frankincense Healing Salve and Skullcap and Passiflora Tincture [worth R550]

Relax Care Mushroom tincture set by Aether Herbalist Apothecary, includes Relax Tincture, Ashwagandha Powder, Reishi Tincture and Mucuna Powder [worth R540]

Soul Care Package by Soul + Space, includes 2x custom design Palo Santo wood (custom engraved with the moon cycles and with an affirmation, "I Am Whole"), 1x Love Potion Ritual Oil, and 1x Genie in a Bottle Multipurpose Mist, plus a few trinkets and surprises [worth R400]

All prerecorded meditations were mixed by my sister, Georgi. Together we create free techno-based guided dance meditations, under the name your gf. My sister also creates her own mixes which you can listen to here.

Ready to enter the Eating Disorder Recovery Support Package? Enter here.

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terms and conditions

Three winners will be chosen at random through Instagram. Residents of South Africa may only enter. Competition is open from 4 May - 11 May 2021. Winners announced on 12 May 2021. Packages will be sent to the winners once delivery addresses have been communicated, and will be sent after 24 May 2021.

For the live calls, the winner and myself will find a time that works for both parties. Calls will take place through Zoom.

All meditations and ebooks will shared digitally through Google Drive unless otherwise stated. These digital recordings and ebooks are exclusive to the winner and are not to be shared, distributed or sold to anyone else. 

Products from Wild Love Co., Aether Herbalist Apothecary and Soul + Space will be delivered to the winner’s home address. Please ensure the correct delivery details have been communicated. 

Photo by Saffu on Unsplash

How To Host Your Own Cacao Ceremony

Having spent over a year in Central America, I have been lucky to have attended many different kinds of cacao ceremonies, hosted in a variety of ways, drinking cacao from one of the places in the world where it naturally lives and grows.

There are many ways to host your own cacao ceremony, and all styles and flavours are welcome. And so, it is encouraged to share from your heart space, from a place of authenticity and love, for that is indeed what the cacao medicine supports: opening the heart! But if you’re looking for inspiration on how to start, I would love to share some ideas on how to host a cacao gathering based on my experience as both an attendee and host.

And that’s exactly what we are going to do! But we dive into all things cacao, let’s first talk about ceremony and what it means.

Cacao pods with delicious white fruit pulp and 25-40 cacao beans inside. The pulp was the first part of the fruit to be eaten before the beans were discovered.

What is ceremony?

It is a circle of energy that creates intimacy, encourages presence and offers an opportunity to hold oneself with focus and open-hearted awareness with others. It is a portal to give and receive, to deposit and retrieve. It is a place to practice the art of releasing expectations, for we never know how the ceremony will really go, and what opportunities we will have to step into. The mystery unfolds in real time.

Intentions and dreams can be super amplified in ceremony. When we state our intention, we direct focused energy to its specific place, and with the help of the plant medicine, high frequency songs, and the group dynamic, the manifestation can be accelerated to wherever it needs to go.

Our intentions feed those around us, uplifting the entire group, and from this building energy, intentions grow in power. To get the most out of ceremony, we are required to listen actively, have focus, have humility, respect the space, and attempt to build a relationship with the plant. Like in any relationship, both parties need the safe space to show up, state what they need honestly to each other and be kind. It is not a one-sided conversation.

How you digest and integrate after ceremony is key for the experience to anchor in the body and solidify the shift in the brain neural pathways and body DNA. Integration is constantly occurring, not just for a few days after ceremony.

Ceremony is a chance to remember the sacredness in all things, and this increases feelings of gratitude. And soon we begin to see everyday life can be holy if we choose to see it in that way. Everyday is ceremony. We never leave the ceremony, and there is always more work to be done.

Cacao pods grow directly off tree branches.

Being part of ceremony is a path of love, compassion, strength, creation, and community. It is a path of passion for life, and honouring and respecting all in the web of life.

Hosting your own ceremony doesn’t need anything fancy but should include a few themes:

• It has a purpose or intention.

• It is performed on or for a special occasion.

• It consists of artistic components.

• Rituals or observances are made.

Cacao beans are fermented, sundried, shelled and ground up into paste.

So how can we bring these elements into cacao ceremonies? First and foremost, we need to understand the medicine that we are working with. Comprehending the purpose and capabilities that the plant has, as well as the industry challenges, increases knowledge and thus appreciation.

Back in the day, people traded with cacao as a currency. Money did grow on trees! The Mayans called cacao The Fruit of the Gods. Before it was made into a cacao drink, the white pulp stored in the pod was eaten (FYI, it is super tasty!).

Cacao trees provide 40 pods a year with each pod holding 25-30 seeds inside it. The process is certainly a big one that includes removing the seeds, sun-drying and fermenting them for over a period of a week, followed by shelling the seeds, leaving just the beans to be roasted and ground up. You need up to 600 beans to make up 1kg. And with one tree averaging on providing just 1kg of cacao per year, you can imagine how many cacao trees are needed for feed the global desire for raw cacao, chocolate bars and all the rest!

The global industry is a sobering picture. It is worth $100 billion a year and is built on slavery and systemic poverty. Ivory Coast produces 40% of the world’s supply, while Ghana creates 20% and Indonesia produces 17%. Niger, Cameroon, Mexico and Brazil are also amongst the top world’s producers. Millions of small-scale farms around the world are the producers of cacao. Over two million children work on cacao plantations and are either underpaid or not at all, with many unable to go back home. There are three major companies who control the supply and demand and how much they will pay per kg. These companies buy at a low, local price from the small-scale farmers which they then sell to manufactures in the form of cacao nibs or oil, for example, who in turn, add their own ingredients like dairy, sugar and/or palm oil.

How can we support a new chocolate paradigm? If possible, supporting local farms, local cooperatives, craft chocolatiers and organizations that protect locals are powerful places to start. Purchasing from farms that promote that they are “tree to bar” or “bean to bar” means there are less parties involved, and more of the processes and income are kept within one farm. Support local as much as possible.

Understanding who we are buying from as well as the process of growing cacao increases our appreciation for this medicine.

Knowing how it works with the body also brings us closer to the medicine. The cacao medicine has stimulating effects, where the heart pumps faster, and the blood moves quicker. This is because it is vasodilator, aka it widens the blood vessels. It brings feelings of euphoria and openness by increasing the production anandamine, the bliss molecule, dopamine (motivated, accomplished, and productive), serotonin (happier, calmer, and more focused), and phenylethylamine, the love molecule, of which cacao has the highest concentration of than any other food! It is truly a powerful feel-good, heart-opening medicine that carries the spirit of love.

There many different tastes that cacao can take on depending on climate in which it is grown, how they were roasted, and if anything else was added, like sugar.

With all of this knowledge about cacao and reverence that comes with greater understanding, it is time to prepare for ceremony!

Ceremony is about entering a portal beyond time and space where we can connect with Highest Selves and other spirits, helping guides and the Divine. Plant medicines are not just substances that we take to feel good; they are spirits, each with their own consciousness, gifts, and healing powers. And cacao is indeed one them! Cacao forms the foundation of the feminine energy of all plants whilst tabaco is the basis of the masculine energy. Meeting with the cacao spirit - an elevated being - is an honour. She is always ready to bestow her wisdom to those who seek it. She is our teacher and so approaching with reverence and humility is good practice.

Creating your cacao ceremony can be done in a five steps:

1. Set and Setting

Purchase your cacao from someone you trust. It can be in powder form, but I prefer to use a brick raw cacao to create the elixir. The process of making cacao requires some basic knowledge, so head here for my Ceremonial Cacao recipe. Then decide when you would like to hold the ceremony. Sitting on a New Moon, Full Moon, Equinox, or a day of personal special significance increases the potency of the experience. Decide whether you would like to perform your ceremony alone, or with friends. If you’re in a group, sit in a circle together, perhaps around an altar you have all created together as a collective offering. For the altar, you can include items from nature, crystals, fabrics, angel cards, Tarot cards, candles, and any objects that hold meaning to you.

2. Introduction and Group Landing

Dropping in together with a meditation and breathing practice are great ways to set the group energy. From there, you can explain any astral insights if you are hosting on a New or Full Moon, talk on a theme that is close to your heart, or share the benefits of drinking cacao. You can then start pouring and passing the cacao around the circle. Singing a high-vibrational medicine song or mantra together while the pouring not only feels good for us, but also makes the cacao happy!

3. Intention Setting

With everyone with a cacao in hand, you can go around the circle sharing an intention. This can be something you wish to release like an old wound or something you want to step into and manifest in your life. It can be something you would like to heal and integrate, a desire that you would like to call in, a deepening of your connection to the Divine or your Highest Self. Every person can state their intention, one by one. After each person, an acknowledgement that the intention has been heard by the group can be made with the word “aho” (a word used by Lakota people of the Sioux tribes meaning "yes, I agree", “I understand”, or “I acknowledge") and a sip of cacao.

4. Movement and Play

With all that blood pumping faster, you can be sure that your energy will be increased after drinking cacao. With extra happy hormones swirling around your body, it is time to move, have fun and let go. Put on a feel-good playlist that you’ve crafted ahead of time and dance with the magic. You have set your intentions and now you can surrender to the medicine and express whatever wants to come through. How would you feel and act if your intentions were fully realized? Treat this moment as a celebration. After dancing, you can pull some angel or Tarot cards, and take time to journal and reflect on what came through during the ceremony.

5. Share and Close-ish

Once the ceremony has come to an end, and the medicine has worked its magic, everyone can return to the circle and share their experience. There may be insights and transformations, laughter, tears and afterglows. Welcome it all. Snacks or a meal, a dip in the ocean, a bonfire, more dancing and hugs are all great ways to continue or close the ceremony.

Feeling like you would want to add some extra sparkle to your ceremony? Check out my Mushroom Chocolate recipe.

I trust your next ceremony will be enjoyable, meaningful and fun. Let me know how it goes! I would love to hear how cacao has touched your life.

Remember to get my Ceremonial Cacao recipe here.

All my love,

Francesca

Get the recipe for my ceremonial cacao here.

Images by Maria Derevianko, Rodrigo Flores, Jenni Miska, Pablo Merchán Montes and Maddi Bazzocco available from Unsplash.

My Massive Plant-Based Vegan Bundle

I am so excited to announce the launch of the epic Plant-Based Bundle! From today, you can purchase 80 ebooks and course for $50 until the 30th of November!

If bought separately, these ebooks would cost over $2000... And you can get this entire bundle for $50.... That's a 97% discount! This vegan bundle is basically free.

Purchase your Bundle here.

What is it? A curated collection of 80 vegan ebooks and online courses including:

• Vegan guides

• Vegan nutrition

• Vegan recipes, including one-pot meals, meals under 20 minutes, raw meals, high protein meals, desserts, easy recipes for beginners and more!

• Meal prep and meal plans

• Home workouts and online fitness courses

• Vegan eating for dogs

• vegan in pregnancy, including for young kiddies and new moms

• Hormonal health, including seed cycling and women’s hormonal balancing advice

• Inflammation and gut health

• Meditation for beginners

• Home self-retreat ideas

• Mental health ebooks and self-development courses

• …and more!

the vegan recipe and fitness bundle details

Price: $50 for 80 products.

Sale date: 20th Nov 2020 - 30th Nov 2020

Who can purchase? Anyone and everyone! You can purchase them here.

Some of the biggest names in veganism are in this bundle like Badass Vegan, Fit Green Mind, Jonny Juicer, Dr Bobby Price, Plant-Based Ben, Bianca Turner. I'm personally fan-girling!

Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of buying 80 ebooks in one go? Simply save your ebooks online (like Google Drive) and access them whenever you wish - you have them for life.

Happy reading and recipe making! Let's get bundled!

I trust you will enjoy all of the inspiring, practical and fun recipes, advice and tips found in your vegan bundle. I would love to hear your feedback so feel free to reply to this email or pop me a DM on Instagram.

With love,

Francesca

Photo by Brenda Godinez on Unsplash

My Life as a Vegan Chef in Community Living During COVID-19

I have always been curious about community living and have been attracted to the idea of an intentional collective working together towards the sustainability, wellbeing and joy of the whole. When I started my travels in January 2020, I had considered living in community for a few weeks as part of my trip it but didn’t find the one that felt right. As I was going about my travels, I came across Momentom Collective, a nomadic collective that host artist residencies around the world. They happened to be organising a residency in Nicaragua around the same time I was planning on visiting that same country. Truth be told, I had already researched this intriguing group before leaving South Africa and thought that they were exactly what I was wanting to explore but I felt intimated. They were a bunch of circus performers, sound producers, aerialists and acrobats! How on earth would I fit in? And so, I closed the tab and continued with my life.

Fast forward a few weeks and I was in Guatemala (check out my favourite vegan food spots in Guatemala here) and I met a few people from the residency. They assured me I would fit right in and didn’t have anything to lose. And so, I applied to volunteer for two weeks and I was granted a position as an assistant chef in the kitchen! High fives all around!

Two weeks passed and it was inspiring, enlivening and life changing, so much so that I asked to stay on for two more weeks. And then COVID-19 happened.

People left the residency to go back to their home countries. Future residents and guest teachers were denied entry. Local staff who were coming in and out from other parts of the area were asked to leave. And slowly but surely our community of almost 40 people whittled down to 20.

Everyone had to start contributing more to the overall upkeep for the residency. People signed up for shifts to assist cleaning the various common areas and yoga deck and help out in the kitchen. Everyone was responsible for their own rooms and bathrooms. We also all had the opportunity to put together a structure and schedule for the week. Since many guest teachers left or couldn’t join us, our small community kept spirits high by offering to lead yoga and dance classes, meditation, breathwork, naked photoshoots, live Zoom talks from people elsewhere in the world, sound healing, ecstatic dance, acting and clowning workshops, sensory food experiences, cacao ceremonies and more.

While the world around us went into isolation, we remained together as a community in self-quarantine, sticking close together. We implemented some protocols such as extra hand washing, no interaction with people outside of the community and commitment to the upkeep of the space. Some of the protocols were ahered to more strongly than others (some people mingled with people outside of the community). Some guidelines made no sense (we couldn’t hold hands during our gratitude circle before dinner but had cuddle puddles, did acro yoga and got sweaty together in ecstatic dance). Some worked really well (people were great at keeping the areas clean). For all of us, community living was considered a big social experiment, but throw COVID-19 into the mix and we were all scratching our heads as how to best navigate through the uncertainty and change that each day brought.

Through it all we managed to all stay healthy and safe. We still infused each meal with the same love and attention to detail that we had been doing before. We attended many community circles to transparently discuss next steps and to check in where everyone was at, emotionally and mentally. We kept the vibes positive through thinking happy thoughts and being there for each other; and this is what I truly loved and was grateful for during this time: the authentic support and presence of the community members who provided support, encouragement, guidance and love during such an uncertain time. Being far away from South Africa and traveling alone, I couldn’t have asked to have been in a better place at the height of when the corona virus (COVID-19) first gripped the world.

Would I try living in another community at another point in time? Yes, I am still curious to see how a community that is settled in one location does things. A community that is rooted means there are opportunities to set up permanent living dwellings, a permaculture garden, and systems in place to work on community building over the long run.

That being said, my experience with Momentom was life altering in the most awe-inspiring way. My inner artist was sparked, my desire to express authentically with wild passion and earth-shattering humility stirred within, and my limiting beliefs around how I wanted to live my life dissolved before my eyes. In those six weeks of community living, I realised why we were here to live this life: to be embodied wholeheartedly, genuinely, gently and fervently that in turn others to do the same. And that’s how we heal. And when we heal, we step into our light and our joy. And that’s where the magic happens.

Professional photos by the ever-gorgeous Misty Moss.

Travel Tips for People with Eating Disorders and Exercise Addiction

For anyone who is in recovery from an eating disorder and goes traveling knows the following thoughts only too well:

• What if I can’t eat any of my “safe foods”?

• What if I can’t exercise like I used to?

• What if I gain weight?

• Will I find food I like when eating at restaurants?

• Is street food “safe/clean/healthy” enough for me to eat?

• What if I’m starving and have nothing “good” enough to eat?

• What if I don’t have WIFI and will unable to stream a workout video?

• I wonder if people will suspect my eating habits are restrictive?

• Should I stay in a dorm or rather get my own private room so that I can work out or eat alone without anyone seeing me?

• I don’t have weights/treadmill/kettlebells etc with me so how can I get my workout in?

These are real questions I have asked myself countless time before embarking on a trip and while on the road too. While these questions are valid and ok to have, I want to plant the seed that it is also possible to not have such exhausting, obsessive and time-consuming thoughts. Traveling can help shed these layers and layers of thoughts. In fact, I have used travel as a tool to help me to let go of these thoughts, to think of myself in new ways and thus free up my headspace for more productive, fulfilling and joyful experiences.

Of course, like any attempt at freeing oneself from an eating disorder, disordered eating or exercise addiction, it can be scary and terrifying. So, it is no wonder that traveling can be very stressful for many of us. This is because hitting the wide, open road shakes up any routine, pattern or habitual thought we have.

We meet people who show us new ways of experiencing life free from food and body image stuff that inspire us. We eat foods we’ve never tried before. We skip our workout routine for a once-in-a-lifetime daytrip or tour. We make interesting meals in communal spaces with our new friends. We eat out a lot more. We sleep in and chill out. We don’t have access to a scale. We don’t have access to a gym. We don’t have access to our trusty blender. We find it’s too hot to exercise. We hear our bodies asking us to slow down. We experience profound connections when we choose to be present in a conversation rather than trying to rush off to do a workout alone on a dirty dorm room floor.

And so our bodies may change as our relationship to food and exercise shift. We may feel grief, anguish and out of control. We may even wish we never even went traveling in the first place because of these physical changes and ache for the gym back home and familiar meal plans. We also will meet people who trigger us - but if we can look beyond the jealousy or resentment, we realize that they embody aspects of ourselves that we wish to ignite, such as body freedom in the form of being comfortable nude or acceptance of one’s sexuality through dance, for example.

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This is what traveling can bring up. This is what we must face should we choose to hit the road.

There is no hiding as all the structures and walls we so carefully built up disintegrate before our very eyes. And these are the walls that we thought would help us come across as perfect and thus be accepted by others.

It’s become clear to me that these walls have only caused separation from those around me and have kept me from experiencing connection - which is what I desired in the first place. And of course, let’s be real, trying to be “perfect” is a pointless game. For more talk on the pursuit of perfection, head here.

This is what I discovered while traveling: the walls that I thought kept me safe are all an illusion. They are not real, let alone strong enough to protect anything.

Traveling shows us how we are really meant to live: in flow, in trust, in a surrendered state, in awe-amazement of the beautiful synchronicities, excited, grateful and alive. To reach that stage requires shedding; an uncomfortable transition from one way of existing to another. Growing pains, resistance and fear are inevitable, but if we can start testing the edges of our comfort zone, like trying new foods, eating out and easing up on our exercise routines, we will realize how resilient we are, how a healthy vessel is what we need to adventure through life, and that true connections are made when we are present: in our light and fullness of spirit.

Wishing you all healing and transformation on your next travel adventure. Choose life. It’s waiting to be lived through your bliss.

Traveling through the jungle island of Ometepe, Nicaguara

Where to Eat Vegan in Guatemala: Vegan Eats, Vegan Travel

Traveling to Guatemala? Vegan? No problem!

I travelled around Guatemala for five weeks and almost never had an issue finding vegan food. I found many vegan and vegan-friendly restaurants and even stayed with a host family for a week who made me homecooked vegan meals. When shopping for fresh, raw ingredients at the local markets, I had an abundance of fruit, vegetables, grains, nuts, seeds and in some cases, even tofu.

Driving through the country I passed countless banana, avocado and papaya trees. Watermelon and pineapple grow by the truck load, and cacao, coffee and nuts never seem to be in low supply.

Guatemala has delicious and delightful food. It merges Maya culture with Spanish traditions resulting in flavourful, interesting and tasty chow! With its eternal spring climate, food grows happily and in abundance. Some parts of Guate, like Antigua and Atitlan are known for their coffee and cacao while the region of Quetzaltenango grows pretty much all the potatoes for the country and for the world. Driving through the countryside, there are hundreds of vendors selling bananas, pineapples, citrus fruits, avocados, plantains, tomatoes and melons.

Basically, if you’re vegan and traveling though Guatemala for a few weeks or for a few months, you won’t go hungry.

Just to note however that street food, like tacos or tostadas, can sometimes be an issue because the veggies are often cooked on the same grill as the meat, so cross-contamination can occur.

how to ask for no animal products in your food 101

My Spanish isn’t very good but I managed to ask whether there was any animal product in my food when needed.

To say “Is there milk, cheese, eggs or meat in this dish?” you would say: “¿Hay leche, queso (pronounced keh-so), huevos (pronounced weh-vohs) o carne en este plato?”

Alternatively, you could say “No leche, queso, huevos o carne, por favor”.

This means “No milk, cheese, eggs or meat, please”.

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Antigua

Where I stayed: Yellow House Hostel and Maya Papaya

My first stop in Guatemala was Antigua. I flew in from Guatemala City and took a shuttle to the popular, quaint and picturesque town which has been named a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Antigua used to be the political, economic and religious centre of Guatemala and Central America, but after it was destroyed by a series of earthquakes the city was abandoned, resulting in Guatemala City to be appointed the capital city.

Today it is one of Guate’s top tourist hot spots. You can visit old convents and monasteries that are still in ruins, wander the cobbled streets, visit cultural and art museums and purchase bright textiles. The town is surrounded by three famous volcanos: Acatenango, Fuego, Pacaya and Agua. If you have the time, I highly recommend doing the Acatenango overnight volcano hike to see the volcanos and Fuego and Pacaya spewing lava at night. I organised this tour through Yellow House Hotel; it was a highlight of my stay!

In terms of food, there is no shortage of restaurants and street food, and there is a huge local market buzzing with locals who are going about their shopping. I came across three vegan restaurants, namely Samsara, Once Once (pronounced “ooon-seh ooon-seh”) and La Bruja.

And if you like coffee, this is the place to be! The mountain basin that surrounds Antigua produces some of the best highland coffee and even the most simple black cuppa is rich, dark and brew-tiful (pun intended, sorry not sorry).

Right, enough with the vegan waffling, on to the recommended restaurants! PS: there is a café that serves vegan waffles ;) Let me know if you find it!

Samsara

Can I just get this restaurant to move to South Africa? This was my favourite place to eat in the whole of Guatemala - and there is a second branch at Lake Atitlan in San Marcos. Their hot drinks felt like nurturing hugs; I loved their Golden Milk and Amaranth Atole (smashed amaranth atole, cinnamon, cacao and roasted amaranth on top). The food is made with so much love and is packed with glowing colour, texture and nourishing ingredients. I enjoyed their Kale, Tofu and Chickpea Salad, Hummus with Pita Bread, the Samsara Platter (quinoa croquettes, hummus, green salsa, baba ghanoush, kale and tofu), the Tempeh and Peanut Bowl, Tempeh Tacos, the Wok (I had this twice!), Kimchi Bowl and best of all, their Quinoa Shawarma (quinoa balls, hummus and veggies wrapped in a double tortilla with curry sauce).

Can you tell I ate there often?

Fridas

This place is a lively, trendy Mexican-style restaurant with bright décor. I had their Veggies Tacos and asked them to leave out the cheese. It was light, tasty and made for a good lunch after climbing the popular lookout point, Cerro de la Cruz.

La Bruja

Hidden away in the most gorgeous garden, La Bruja has vegan burgers and a big selection of juices and smoothies. It’s a great spot to relax and take a few breaths before continuing on with the travel quest. In the same courtyard there are a few other restaurants including a Mediterranean place that serves top notch falafels.

Once Once

Pronounced “ooon-seh ooon-seh”, this little café is super sweet. When I went to visit, they had a sign promoting Veganuary which I thought was pretty darn cool! I had their Summer Rice Paper Rolls which were light and fresh. People rave about their Cauliflower Tacos which I will have to try next time I am in the town!

Amanecer Juice Bar

This restaurant caught my eye for their huge juices, smoothies and adorable decor. I had a big green juice which fuelled me up just right. Their food menu looked pretty decent too including vegan breakfast and lunch options. There is something for everyone. Yay!

El Mercado

The local market is filled with fresh veg and fruit produce, grains, legumes, nuts, ready-to-eat tortillas and anything else you could imagine. There are a number of little restaurants too in the market area should you want to eat where the locals frequent.

Street Food

On the side of the road and in and around the plazas are a variety of street food options. You will find fresh mango with chili sprinkles, corn cooked on the fire, tacos and tostadas. And if you need a snack on the run, there are people missioning around with wheelbarrows filled with different nuts or fruit.

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Lake Atitlan

Where I stayed: Hostel Del Lago, Posada del Bosque Encantado (Enchanted Forest) and Gaia Dance Temple

I got lost in the vortex of Lake Atitlan. I spent one half of my time in San Marcos, the spiritual hub of Guatemaya, that is teeming with cacao elixirs, ecstatic dance, kirtan, yoga, astrology, bofu, contact improv, coconuts, mushrooms, reiki, hypnosis, tantra, quantum leaping and all the rest of it. It’s like Burning Man around a big lake. The other half was spent at an ecstatic dance and yoga festival in Tzunana. Suffice to say, while the lake may not be typical Guatemala, I got my fair share of vegan food, some of it locally inspired and some of it not so much.

Circles Café and Bakery

This was the first place I went to when I arrived. You may smell the café before you see it because they have their own bakery where they make fresh breads, rolls and croissants (not vegan) everyday. They have good, strong coffee, fresh sandwiches and delicious smoothie bowls. My favourite is their cacao smoothie bowl. This is also a great place to sit comfortably and get some work done.

Shambhala

Craving some grounding Indian food? Shambala has you covered. I ate there twice and enjoyed a nourishing bowl of rice and dhal as well as a plate of toast with different toppings (think mushrooms, avocado, pesto etc). The setting in this restaurant is really peaceful, private and tranquil.

Posada del Bosque Encantado (Enchanted Forest)

The quality of chocolate by the lake is muchos exceptional. A lot of the cacao from Guatemala is grown in this region so if you find yourself at the lake, organise to do a cacao farm tour, drink it (as it is traditionally consumed) or bite into a bar.

At the Enchanted Forest, you can buy raw cacao and chocolate mushrooms made right there on site by a Mayan women’s collective. The brand is Ixcacao and is available in San Marcos and around Guatemala. I had a cacao drink which sent me flying for the whole day. It is indeed proper medicine.

Emporium

K so I’m a bit obessed with this place, mainly for their epic low-key, humble, playful vibes and for their incredible warm elixirs. Just try them all -seriously - and of course their sweet vegan tarts, made with plantains, panela, cacao, tahini and other interesting local ingredients. I know they also serve lunch and dinner but I never tried their savoury offerings, but I can only assume they are delicious based on how good their sweet treats are. 10/10 recommend.

Malcoa

This spot is great for Israeli food and for sweet on-the-ground-mattress seating vibes. They have live music and movie nights too with themed dinners. We went for an anime film and vegan Japanese food.

Konojel

The Konojel Community Centre offers traditional vegan and vegetarian meals at great prices. Food is hearty and represents typical food from Central America. The centre provides meals to the most at-risk individuals in San Marcos as well as various education initiatives.

Il Giardino

You would never expect such an incredible space from the outside, but Il Giardino has one of the most beautiful seating settings in San Marcos. I ate there twice - once after a Tuesday night drum circle at Hostel Del Lago and another time after a powerful full moon kirtan and cacao ceremony. Definitely go for the Beet Hamburger, Rice and Veggies in Peanut Satay Sauce and Sizzling Tofu. They also sell cacao and make great coffee too.

Salud Para Vida (San Pedro)

Some of the great things about San Marcos are the many locally-made products including kombucha and sauerkraut from Love Probiotics, ginger beer, coconut yoghurt, nut butters and much more. But across the lake in San Pedro is Salud Para Vida, a fully vegan restaurant and health store. They have a bulk, package-free store where you can buy spices, nuts, seeds, flours, and lots of items you can’t find anywhere else. Their restaurant is off the charts too. They have vegan chicken mayo sandwiches, dope nachos (a must try!) and big salads. I had their Kale Caesar Salad which filled me up proper.

Café de la Granja + Granja Tz’ikin (Tzunana)

Neighouring San Marcos is the town of Tzunana. It’s quieter over on that side but definitely up and coming now that Gaia Dance Temple is located there and The Fungi Academy is making waves. If you’re there, you can have lunch at Café de la Granja + Granja Tz’ikin, a vegetarian café and permaculture farm. They have their usual menu items and then will have a special of the day. They are accommodating will make anything vegan if you ask.

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Xela

Quetzaltenango (aka Xela) is the second biggest city in Guatemala and is where I decided to learn Spanish at PLQ and live with a host family. It’s one of the coldest cities in the country, has a high altitude and has relatively poor air quality. Not to matter though - the people are friendly, there’s a thriving student nightlife and there are volcanic hot springs nearby. Having done literally no Spanish classes except for a few hot minutes on Duolingo, and living with a family who spoke no English, this was one of my most challenging weeks. I did manage to eat good food though.

My Host Family

They accommodated me with homecooked vegan food three times a day. For breakfast, I was given fruit and granola, sugary oats with banana and tostadas with refried beans. Lunch and dinner usually comprised of a soup, tortillas, refried beans, empanadas*, plantains, pupusas*, rice with some sauce or an occasional dessert like banana bread. 

* Empanadas - You’ll find these everywhere in Guatemala and can spot them as crispy pastries. They are mostly vegan or vegetarian in Guatemala filled with potato and/or spinach, while in Central America they may have a meat filling. They are covered with a variety of toppings such as guacamole, tomatoes, onion and cilantro.

* Pupusas - These are thick corn tortillas stuffed with a variety of fillings – usually refried beans (vegan), cheese (vegetarian) and/or pork (meat) – and then fried until the surface is crisp while the inside stays soft and squishy. A pupusa traditionally comes with a helping of salsa and cabbage to keep it fresh.

Sabor de la India

Possibly the best Indian food I’ve ever eaten I ate at Sabor de la India. There is a huge selection of vegan items and they have the most delicious naan-tortilla thing. Just order whatever tickles your fancy. You won’t be disappointed.

Tan Lechuga Yo

I’m so glad I was shown this café by a friend from Spanish school. Just when I was wanting some more greens in my life amongst the rice and beans. While I was loving the home cooked meals that my host family had been making for me, I was missing a few things. I was craving something greener, fresher and juicier, so there were a few times where I chose to skip having lunch at my host fam and went out to see what Xela had to offer. Tan Lechuga Yo brought the food and smoothie freshness, quirky art decoration and youthful spirit I was looking for. I opted for a rice salad with greens, mushrooms, avo, peanuts, cabbage, carrots, peppers, beetroot and a yummy sauce, served with tostadas on the side. Their smoothies and smoothie bowls are great too as are their special trail fruit and nut mixes.

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The Final Stop

I took a nine-hour bus ride, armed with lots of fruit and nuts, to Flores (with an overnight stay in Antigua; guess where I went for dinner that night… Samsara, obviously!). Once in Flores, I stayed in the magical Ciao Cacao Hostel for a few nights. This hostel has a hippy jungle outdoor space with vegan smoothies and treats. They do such a great job at managing the space and I highly recommend staying there if you’re looking for a chilled and comfortable space.

Following my stay, I embarked on a five-day jungle trek to El Mirador, the oldest Mayan city in the world that has the largest Mayan ruins. For five days we walked through the jungle, along the Mayan roads and visited ancient, scared sites. As part of the package, food was cooked for us three times a day and my dietary requirements were taken of. We ate a lot of tortillas; think tortillas with pasta, tortillas with black beans, plantains and rice, tortillas with soup, tortillas with gravy, tortillas with pancakes. It was great. What an experience. If you’re looking for a real jungle experience and enjoyed the energy of Tikal, I would totally suggest going on this adventure.

After five weeks of traveling through some wonderful spots in Guatemala (this was my second time in this country), I made my way to Nicaragua for more adventures.

To be continued!

Affordable Therapy Ideas on a Budget

I’ve been in therapy since 2008. It has been a life-saving tool and am extremely grateful and fortunate to have been able to afford this healing modality. At times it hasn’t always been easy. I have numbed out in sessions, unable to share the depths of what is going on. I’ve lied about things. I haven’t always admitted to what I am truly feeling. I’ve totally shut down. I’ve cried. I’ve felt deep pain. I’ve had revelations. I’ve experienced profound insights. I’ve taken risks and shared parts of myself I didn’t think I ever would. Therapy has played an important role in my eating disorder recovery; indeed I started going to therapy not too long after my ED really kicked into gear, and now for the first time, I won’t be in therapy as I begin a new chapter of my life.

Having shared how therapy has helped me on social media for some time, I became aware that not everyone can afford it. This inspired me to think of other ways that I believe are budget-friendly and cost-effective healing modalities that are accessible, sustainable and effective.

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Deciding to heal is an important step in one’s recovery. Acknowledging there is something to be worked on is possibly the biggest step of them of all; the seeing is the doing. Finding a therapist or group (online or in-person) is the next big step. Committing to therapy for a few sessions is imperative to see the results; indeed, it takes time to heal. However, this commitment can become costly over time. So to help you get started on your path to greater freedom, joy and contentment - which is your birthright - here are some affordable mental healthcare options:

Believe you are your own healer

The answers and magic already exists within you. We are conditioned from a young age to seek answers from outside ourselves. ⁣We are taught to seek out a professional/guru/healer/workshop/reading whenever we have a problem in life and consequently have become detached from our own inner, intuitive guidance system. We are our own guide and healer. All that is required is for us to create stillness and space to hear our internal guidance. ⁣Pause, breathe into your belly, and ask yourself, “What message do I need to hear right now?” Be patient and allow the message to permeate. Write it out. Trust that whatever comes up for you is perfect in that moment.

If the hippy-dippy talk didn’t resonate, here are some other ideas…

Finding a sliding scale therapist

Sliding scale therapists are psychologists, psychotherapists and social workers who adjust their hourly fee to help make therapy more affordable. If you are unsure whether a potential therapist offers adjusted fees, you have every right to ask. If they don’t, at least you know and they will most likely be able to offer referrals to other therapists who can accommodate you and your budget.

Ask about pro-bono services

Send out a few emails to the therapists you want to work with and ask if they do pro-bono work. Ethically, mental health professionals should be taking on at least one or two pro-bono clients. If they say no, they will be able to refer you to community clinics and other low-cost options.

Free or low-income mental health services

Have you considered attending low-fee or free community mental health clinics before? These clinics are managed by qualified psychotherapists and psychologists but are able to expand their services by utilising student psychologists, student mental health counselors, and student social workers. The students are supervised by the experienced and licensed professionals.

Call your local university

Universities can sometimes be one of the best places to get low-cost (or even free) therapy. If you’re a student, you’re usually entitled to a few sessions with a campus psychologist or counselor. Additionally, almost any university will have a graduate training clinic which is open to the public and that offers sliding scale fees. It’s understandable to feel uncertain about working with a student. However, they are always working under the supervision of professionals.

Consider local support groups

I attended an eating disorder support group for a while and found it to be very healing. Support groups connect you with others who are going through a similar experience. It can very relieving to hear other people courageously share their stories, reminding us we are not alone. It can be helpful if you are supporting someone who has a mental illness or chronic health condition, or if you are coping with an illness like cancer.

Check what services your employer offers

If your work has an employee wellness plan or some kind of employee assistance program, you may be able to claim a limited number of free counseling sessions. It can feel a bit weird asking about therapy at work but your therapist will keep all information confidential. Your HR manager will also ensure all matters are kept private.

Download online apps or services

If there aren’t a lot of resources in your community, consider trying out an online listening service or therapy apps. Online listening services help you flesh out your concerns and can help you match with listeners who are a good fit for you. See this quick Google search I did on finding online listening services. Therapy apps like Talkspace and Betterhelp connect you with a therapist online or via text (aka ‘teletherapy’), meaning you can talk to your therapist from anywhere. You are matched with a therapist after completing an online questionnaire. Meditation apps like Headspace, Insight Timer and Calm offer a huge variety of meditation, relaxation and breathing exercises. Monthly subscriptions are affordable and again, you can access these resources at any time.

If you’re experiencing a crisis, you can always call a hotline. Hotlines are open at anytime of the day, 360 days a year. They are staffed by professionals and well-trained volunteers who provide emotional support and can connect you with more formal assistance.

• The South African Depression and Anxiety Group 24-hour toll-free helpline: 0800 456 789

• The Lifeline 24-hour toll-free national counselling helpline: 0861 322 322

• The Counselling Hub low-cost counselling centre in Cape Town: 021 462 3902

This type of care isn’t for everyone, especially for those with more serious mental health concerns like substance disorder, PTSD and schizophrenia, who often need more assistance than what remote and virtual options can provide.

How about homework?

With my life coach, I would connect with her every third week or so rather than every week - which is often prescribed by therapists. At the end of each session, based on what we discussed, she would give me homework to complete in between. Having something to work through from session to session helped me to stay committed to the work and process and integrate faster.

Be in nature

Mother Earth is our greatest teacher and constantly reminds us of the beauty, impermanence, magnitude and eternal nature of our lives. Spend as much time as you can in nature. Go for forest baths, stand under waterfalls, go on weekend hiking missions, lie on the grass, marvel at a flower, gaze at the stars. It cleanses the soul and provides us with much perspective and clarity if we can remain open to her teachings.

As cliched as it sounds, remember that you are not alone. Friends, family, professionals and many other angels will be there for you if you have the courage to reach out. Support and community is crucial for our personal and collective healing.

More resources:

https://www.healthline.com/health/therapy-for-every-budget#crisis-hotlines

https://www.psycom.net/how-to-find-affordable-therapy/

Vitality and Stamina: Chaga, Cordyceps and Reishi Mushroom Benefits

Yewwww, it has been a good few months! Over the last couple of weeks, I have been trying out a variety of medicinal mushroom blends from my pals at Harmonic Mycology, and to sum it up in one word, it has been “dazzling“. Their Lucidity blend, charged with lions mane, was the first one I sampled. You can read the review here, learn all about the benefits of lions mane, how it helps with brain health and Nerve Growth Factor (NGF) production, as well as how mushrooms - aka adaptogens - work. After two weeks of giving lions mane a good run for its money, I proceeded to try their Vitality mushroom capsules (which Harmonic Mycology suggested I actually try out first, but due to popular vote on Instagram, Lucidity won). I then finished off the trial with the Stamina blend.

So what makes up the Vitality medicinal mushroom blend? Each capsule contains the following shroomies:

60% Chaga (Inonotus obliquus)
20% Reishi (Ganoderma lucidum)
10% Cordyceps (Cordyceps sinensis)
10% Lion's Mane (Hericium erinaceus)

The Stamina blend is much simpler - but still powerful - and is made up of two mushrooms:

70% Cordyceps (Cordyceps sinensis)

20% Chaga (Inonotus obliquus)
10% Reishi (Ganoderma lucidum)

The Benefits of Medicinal Mushrooms

A summary on the health benefits of medicinal mushrooms

it’s all about vitality [review]

Literally meaning spirit or energy, “vitality” refers to one’s life force energy. Vitality is also associated with libido and sex drive, so yeah, let’s bring it on! This beautiful blend had a more subtle effect than the Lucidity blend, nonetheless I felt energised, awake, happy and ready to groove - on the dance floor, across mountain passes, and at my desk. I was getting it down basically everywhere.

I was busy (physically and emotionally) over that time period, working, cooking on retreats, going away on weekends, ending things with my therapist and life coach, preparing to leave Durban, and grieving a loss of a friend, and I got through it without getting sick or feeling rundown.

Vitality in its full mushroom power

chaga: the cornerstone of the blend

Referred to as the King of medicinal mushrooms, chaga is a fungus that grows mainly on the bark of birch trees in cold climates, and is the center point of this blend (making up 60% of the mushroom mix). Chaga is highly regarded for its antioxidant and anti-tumor properties. For centuries, chaga has been used in traditional Chinese medicine to boost immunity, reduce inflammation and improve overall health.

By promoting the formation of cytokines (proteins that regulate the immune system), chaga stimulates the creation of white blood cells which are required for fighting off harmful bacteria and viruses.

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reishi: the supporter in the blend

Also making up this blend is reishi. I love reishi for its beautiful calming effects. When I take it on its own, I feel super chilled out but without feeling drowsy. It’s not a sedative but can help you fall asleep quicker and support the body’s sleep cycles.

It is highly revered in Chinese and Japanese medicine for centuries and is believed to nourish all three components that make us up as human beings: the Jing (‘essence’), Qi (‘life force’) and Shen (‘spirit’). These three components are called the Three Treasures in Chinese medicine. You can read more about this super interesting topic on Medium.

Reishi produces over an astounding 200 polysaccharides and 150 triterpenes and is anti-bacterial, anti-viral, anti-inflammatory and an antioxidant. It is radioprotective, guarding against harmful effects of UV radiation to skin and DNA. It is an exceptional heart tonic as it is able to lower cholesterol levels and improve coronary artery function. Reishi is also able to decrease the side-effects of chemotherapy drugs and protects healthy tissues.

For us busy bees, this Vitality blend of four medicinal mushrooms has been created to support optimal immune function while offering adaptogenic, antiviral and antibacterial effects.

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it’s all about stamina [review]

Stamina is what it says it is. It’s all about endurance, staying power, improved energy and fitness. The Harmonic Mycology Stamina blend fights against asthma, anxiety and depression as well as supports heart health and boosts energy levels. I felt proper pumped while taking this and can honestly say my athletic performance improved, as did my recovery time. I was running faster, lifting heavier and feeling energized through it all!

Stamina bringing the energy

cordyceps: the powerhouse of the blend

The powerhouse of this blend are cordyceps mushrooms. Cordyceps species are entomopathogenic fungi, meaning they act as an insect parasite and essentially kill them. They then grow from and on the bodies of dead insects. Pretty hardcore. Over 200 such species are known to science.

Considered a medical treasure in China, the cordyceps mushroom is well-known for its ability to counteract stress and fatigue and increase libido (sex drive) and/or sperm count.

It also improves stamina and blood oxygen levels. They work by increasing the body’s production of the molecule adenosine triphosphate (ATP), which is essential for delivering energy to the muscles. This improves the way our bodies use oxygen, especially during during exercise.

Additionally, the mushroom contains Cordycepin which has shown anti-tumor, antibacterial, anti-fungal and anti-viral effects. It also is an antioxidant thus helping out with anti-aging. So much of anti!

Research has shown both the cordyceps and reishi mushrooms (both found in the Stamina blend by Harmonic Mycology) increase oxygen uptake, enhance immune response in the lungs and support a healthy heart.

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Will I continue micro-dosing with medicinal mushrooms?

Without a doubt! The science backing these adaptogens are well-proven and I truly feel the difference when using them. I look forward to experimenting more with teas, tinctures and other blends in the future.

A big thank you to Harmonic Mycology for jumping on board and sharing such awesome information with me! To read the rest of the series, see the links below:

Healing with Medicinal Mushrooms: An Introduction [Part 1]

The History of Mushrooms: Ethnomycology [Part 2]

Lucidity: Lions Mane Mushroom Effects [Harmonic Mycology Review]

Lucidity: Lions Mane Mushroom Effects [Harmonic Mycology Review]

“I’m flyyyyyying today!“ was the first thing I messaged to my friends at Harmonic Myology. It was Day 1 of taking their Lucidity mushroom blend of lions mane (80%; Hericium erinaceus), reishi (10%; Ganoderma lucidum), cordyceps (10%; Cordyceps sinensis).

Over the course of two weeks, I dosed on 2 capsules each day to experience the effects of what this mushroom blend could bring. And wow, did it deliver! “Lucidity“ as the name suggests, conveys clarity of expression, intelligibility, and brightness and luminosity in thought and being. I felt like I was smooth-sailing through my days with perceptive focus, sharp precision and an overall sense of contentment and peace.

Holding my Harmonic Mycology Lucidity Mushroom Blend with pride.

So how does this remarkable Lucidity blend work? With incredible, natural neuroprotective and neuroregenerative properties, the lions mane mushroom stands at the core of this potent blend. Research has shown lions mane stimulates the regrowth of neurons (aka Nerve Growth Factor (NGF) production), repairs neurological tissue damage and enhances cognitive performance. Lions mane is a “Nootropic” which define a type of smart drug or cognitive enhancer, supplement or other substance that improves cognitive function, memory, creativity and even motivation. As I have some family history of Alzheimer’s, taking care of my brain health today is very important to me in the long-run.

Fun Fact: Did you know when eaten fresh, lions mane is known for its lobster-like flavour?

The Lucidity blend goes one step further and is complimented by the neuroprotective and antioxidant properties of the reishi and cordyceps mushrooms. Together, this blend works powerfully to help prevent fatigue and accelerate wound healing. I appreciated the additional mushrooms in this concoction as I have found in the past that straight-up lions mane can be a bit intensive for me.

The delicious blend of shroomy ingredients. Recommended dosage is 2 capsules, taking you to 1g of medicinal mushrooms (500mg x 2).

But like how does it reeeeeally work? Medicinal mushrooms, including lions mane and the like, support our bodies through their own structure and make-up. When people talk about mushrooms being “adaptogenic“, this is the (simplified) process of how it works…

Polysaccharides

Mushrooms are made up of “Polysaccharides” which are complex, long-chain sugar molecules primarily found in fungal cell walls - where they may comprise up to 90% of the molecular architecture. They are generally found in greater quantity and diversity in mushroom fruit bodies as opposed to mycelium. Need a refresher on the fruit bodies vs. the mycelium?

Polysaccharides, with their with immuno-stimulating properties, enhance the body’s ability to defend against many forms of disease, such as autoimmune disorders, viruses and various types of cancer. These effects occur largely through the activation of the body's major systems, including the hormonal, nervous, regulatory and reproductive systems (depending on species).

Terpenoids

The presence and concentration of these molecules differ across fungal species. This class of molecules have anti-inflammatory effects and are able to calm an overactive immune system without suppressing it. Terpenoids have also been shown to balance the body’s systems during times of stress and fatigue.

Common Medicinal Mushrooms and Associated Benefits

The many benefits of medicinal mushrooms

Would I recommend Harmonic Mycology’s Lucidity Blend?

Yes. I genuinely felt like I was vibrating at a different state that I had not experienced before. I felt happier, calmer, more energized and focused. The blend was smooth and long-lasting. My brain and nervous system felt nourished, supported and cared for. I would definitely keep using it as maintenance for my cognition and overall brain health.

In the next article, we will go more in-depth into the benefits of reishi, cordyceps and shiitake as I review more medicinal mushroom blends.

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For a read into the history of mushrooms and how they have been used since the dawn of time, check out my Ethnomycology article.

Read up about my hilarious first attempt at trying to microdose with lions mane a few months back.

PS: to end off, here is a beautiful selection of images featuring lions mane, also known as the Hedgehog Mushroom, the Bearded Tooth Fungus or the Bearded Tooth Mushroom.

The History of Mushrooms: Ethnomycology [Part 2]

In school we learnt a lot about animals, a small sprinkle of plants and a bizarre amount about the Cold War. But what about fungi? The Fungi Kingdom exists literally everywhere on this planet: on land, in water, in the air, and on plants and animals and humans too. They vary in size from being microscopically tiny to the largest organisms on Earth, reaching several kilometres. And they have been around for a long, long time. There is fossil evidence of two mushroom remains that date back to 90 - 94 million years ago.

K. Back up. The mushrooms you see in your backyard or in the forest are basically identical to those a dinosaur would have seen in their forest!

They truly embody the concept of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, mate!”.

Despite living on planet earth for a significantly large amount of time, we only know a tiny fraction on the history of mushrooms. The interwoven stories of fungi and humans are ancient and endlessly fascinating. For as long as we have lived, we have lived beside the fungi.

“Ethnomycology” is the study of the historical uses and sociological impact of fungi The term also includes the study of how fungi are used for medicine (medicinal mushrooms), food, the sociological influences (myth, shamanic and spirituality) and in the context of the study of psychoactive mushrooms.

Mushrooms in the Archaeological Record

Let’s take a quick road down memory lane to see where our friendly shroom alliances have graced us with their presence.

Tassili n'Ajjer

A national park (UNESCO's World Heritage Site) in the Sahara desert, located in Algeria, not only has some of the most important groupings of prehistoric cave art in the world, but several artwork depicting mushrooms and mushroom-covered humanoids. These are the oldest artistic representations of mushrooms that we know of and date back between 7,000 – 9,000 years ago.

Ötzi the Iceman

The well-preserved body of a man was found in the Ötztal Alps, on the border of Italy and Austria, in 1991. He is Europe’s oldest known human mummy, having lived 5,000 - 5,400 years ago. Among his possessions were two different species of mushrooms, one that was known to be anti-parasitic and the other used to help make fire. Smart man. You check out his Insta profile here ;)

Mushroom Stones

Hundreds of carved stones from the Mayan culture of Central America feature human and animal figures, like jaguars, with mushroom caps growing out of their heads. These stones are over 2500 years old. I went down a rabbit hole upon finding this article that is all about mushroom stones from the Guatemala Highlands and beyond. You’re welcome.

These stones suggest Mycolatry, the term used to describe the study of Mushroom Worship. Where do I sign up?

Chinese Medicine

Mushrooms have been used in traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) for centuries, used in both herbal medicine and nutritional applications, for the purposes of well-being and longevity. The Chinese recognize six basic types of medicinal mushrooms, according to colour: white, red, purple, black, blue, and green. These colours correspond to different parts of the body and resonate with various diseases. For example, red is for the heart, black is tor the kidneys, and green is for the liver and gallbladder.

Lingzhi mushroom (aka reishi), helps fight inflammation, strengthen immunity, improve cognition and keeps blood flowing.

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Today, mushrooms are indeed having their (magic) moment. Mushroom teas, elixirs, superfood powders, chocolates and coffee have all quickly sprouted up in the health aisles. There’s an annual mushroom-dedicated festival in Telluride, Colorado that celebrates the latest in psychedelic, culinary, and medicinal mycology. Take a look at what they get up to. Trust me, the pictures are so worth it! Denver, a six hour drive from Telluride has become the first city in America to decriminalize psilocybin mushrooms. Johns Hopkins Medicine announced its new Center for Psychedelic and Consciousness Research, which will study compounds like LSD and psilocybin for a range of mental health problems, including anorexia, addiction and depression. A group of private donors has given $17 million to kick start the center, making it what is believed to be the largest research center of its kind in the world.

So what does this mean for us today? Well over and above all of this being super duper fascinating (if you got this far, you’re certainly interested), it’s clear that mushrooms have been around since the good ‘ol days and have played a monumental role from skyrocketing cultures into higher states of consciousness to keeping us grounded and healthy against parasites and warm with fire.

It seems then that without mushrooms, we wouldn’t be here.

If you didn’t catch my introductory article on Healing with Medicinal Mushrooms, head here.

Special thanks to Harmonic Mycology for the continuous inspiration and assistance!

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References:

Photo by Tania Alieksanenko on Unsplash

http://www.davidmoore.org.uk/Sec01_01.htm

https://www.mushroomstone.com/mycolatry101.htm

http://www.dl.begellhouse.com/journals/708ae68d64b17c52,0d0f121956dd501b,185479042f290e6d.html

https://hub.jhu.edu/2019/09/04/hopkins-launches-psychedelic-center/

Mycelium is Medicine zine, Harmonic Mycology

10 Things You Should Rather Say To Someone With An Eating Disorder

I received a few requests after sharing my article, 10 Things You Shouldn’t Say To Someone With An Eating Disorder, to comment on what we should rather say to people who are in recovery from an eating disorder - or any addiction for that matter. I spent some time reminiscing about the comments, made to me by friends and family that stood out and have given me hope to continue walking towards recovery .

For those who have never experienced an eating disorder, it can be tricky to navigate what is ok to say and what is triggering. Sometimes an innocent statement can be damaging to one’s recovery, while other comments that may seem small and inconsequential can have resounding and powerful ripples on one’s psyche.

Recovery from anorexia, orthorexia, binge eating, bulimia and addiction is different for everyone, and what resonates with one person may not impact on another. However, I wish to share some comments that truly helped and supported me on my path to recovery. Only through a deeper understanding can we bring compassion. I hope this simple list provides some insight into what can light up someone’s world.

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“I acknowledge your suffering and am sorry for your pain.”

This comment is better than saying, “I know what it feels like - I went on a crazy diet once.” If you have never experienced an eating disorder, you don’t know what it feels like. People experience consuming, obsessive thoughts, exhausting rules and rituals, anxiety, fatigue, starvation, isolation, extremely low self-worth, depression and a disinterest in pursuing dreams and passions. Rather acknowledge the person’s pain just as it is rather than trying to relate to it or even offer advice like “All you have to do is eat more!”

“You are capable.”

When we’re in a state of contraction and fear, we forget our inherent power and capacity for transformation. When I was living small, literally and spiritually, my self worth was rock bottom. The thought that I could do anything great wasn’t even a consideration anymore. This a reminder of that internal force that can be used for good and for healing, and gives us a nudge towards a sense of empowerment.

“What do you want to achieve in life?”

Sometimes we need to get out of our heads and to stop thinking small. While it may seem like our entire lives revolve around food and our bodies, a thought like this gives us a moment to think big and see the perspective of our lives. Too often, our dreams have been engulfed by the preoccupation of our eating disorder.

I love your laugh.”

This comment always used to touch me. When I was really deep in my eating disorder and incredibly sad and dull, those moments of joy and laughter were rare. In the same way that I wasn’t giving myself pleasure through food and nourishment, I couldn’t give myself pleasure through simply laughing.

I believed that I could only attain joy through suffering.

I sometimes didn’t feel I had the permission to be happy or that I didn’t deserve to feel joy, so when someone pointed out my laugh, it reminded me of my forgotten light and was a comforting moment that I was allowed to have fun. Laughter is what brings us together and lights up our internal world. It’s so important for one’s healing. Encourage your loved ones in recovery to do more of it.

“It would be so nice to have you join us.”

I am so grateful for those people who stuck by me through thick and thin. Even when I was moody and anxious, my friends would still invite me out. It may be a drag to invite your friend or family member out or to a gathering but it’s important that they still have human connection. Sometimes I had to be forced out; it was much easier to stay at home and mope around, but being out the house allowed me to get out of my head and enjoy myself. Having a supportive network saved me.

“I am here for you through thick and thin.”

Even if you don’t know how you will be there for your loved one, those five words can mean everything. You will know how to be there for them when the time comes. Expressing your unconditional love and support is one of the kindest gestures you can give regardless of where the person is on their recovery path. Depending on your relationship with person, you may have to set boundaries. If you don’t feel like you can be there for them, that’s ok. Maybe later down the line you can. Talking to a therapist for assistance on how to word this in a loving and constructive way may be helpful.

“What does your soul say is important to you?”

Again, this is one of those big picture thinking questions. It immediately takes the eating disorder out of the picture because the eating disorder is not part of the soul. An eating disorder is a learned coping mechanism - that can be unlearned too. The person in recovery may not be able to answer it at first. When one’s life is clouded by limiting beliefs and obsessive thoughts around food, exercise and body, trying to get to the soul’s calling may not be accessible. If an answer doesn’t come, I wouldn’t recommend pushing for an answer. Perhaps suggest they journal about it or relook it at a later stage. Maybe in a few weeks or months you can bring it up again if the moment calls for it.

“I know you don’t want this, and I don’t hold you personally responsible.”

I didn’t choose to have an eating disorder. I didn’t wake up one day and decide to start restricting and turning my life into a misery. It was a slow burn with things getting worse over time. I felt guilty and ashamed for the pain I caused my parents and for the money they spent when sending me into a clinic despite them never showing any resentment towards me. It is helpful to explicitly reaffirm that as a parent or friend, you don’t blame the person in recovery for their struggles or relapse. Empathy. Important.

“What’s the best way for me to support you right now?”

Everyone experiences addiction and their eating disorder journey differently and as such it’s a good idea to ask what the person needs instead of assuming. It may be emotional support such expressing encouraging or simply listening. It may be practical like attending a group therapy session with them or supervising a meal.

“If only you could see yourself the way I can.”

I have been told this a few times in my life and each time it impacts me deeply. I want to know: “What do you see?! Tell me!” Of course even they did tell me, I probably wouldn’t have believed them. If we can’t see it, we can’t see it. However, a comment like this reminds us to look deeper within, to trust more, to live more courageously and authentically, to express, and to expand without fear. This comment has saved me many times. Say it often.

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Ultimately you are not responsible for other people’s wellness and their recovery. At the end of the day, it is up to a person to actively chose recovery and to make use of the professional support offered by therapists, groups and dietitians. Just as you cannot blame the person for their eating disorder, you can’t condemn yourself either. Lastly, don’t forget to take care of yourself. If things are feeling a bit overwhelming consider reaching out for professional help, like talking to a counselor who specializes in eating disorders and addiction. It may feel like you are alone in this but there are many people who are willing to help.

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For more information on eating disorders, please check out the following links:

For a reflection on what it feels like to have an eating disorder, read What Recovery Feels Like.

To gain an understanding on what it sounds like inside a head of someone with an ED, read This Is My Eating Disorder Speaking.

For tips on how to overcome an eating disorder, check out 31 Tips On Overcoming An Eating Disorder.

To understand what an eating disorder relapse feels like, read Falling Into Relapse And Getting Out.

10 Things You Shouldn't Say To Someone With An Eating Disorder

Having been in recovery for over ten years, I have been on the receiving end of countless comments. Usually the other person is trying to give an encouraging compliment, but if you’ve never been inside the head of someone with an eating disorder, even the most well-meaning comments can backfire and be triggering.

Recovery is a full-time job, taking an enormous amount of mental, emotional and physical energy each day, at every meal, every minute. While on the outside an eating disorder can seem to be associated with food and weight, it is about so much more. An eating disorder is a mental illness which often revolves around fear of change, fear of authentically relating with others and fear of losing control.

Recovery is unique to everyone, however, there are some general comments that one should avoid around someone who is battling with anorexia, orthorexia, binge eating, bulimia and the like, in order to best support their path to recovery:

“Wow, you’ve put on weight! You’re looking great!”

First rule. Don’t comment on weight. Period. Statements like “you’re looking so great/healthy/radiant/better”, which are oftentimes well intended, are usually just twisted into insults like “you’re looking so fat.”

“You’ve lost weight. Are you ok?”

Again, this is another weight comment and should be avoided. When I was battling hard with my anorexia and orthorexia, this was a compliment. It validated my efforts at losing weight. I felt powerful, unstoppable and acknowledged. It would result in me having some form of a relapse. Best to avoid.

“Doesn’t that have too many calories?”

People in recovery are relearning how to intuitively eat. It is considered a victory and positive step in one’s recovery when they are able to reach for something they genuinely feel like eating. If they eat something that you consider “unhealthy”, this is considered a projection. When there already is so much shame around food, rather celebrate this moment than demonize and make the other person feel guilty for their food choices.

“Just eat it.”

While the goal is to be able to eat anything at any time without fear, it can usually take many attempts at eating in public, or in a group, and certain foods, before the person feels at ease. Everyone is on their own timeline so rather than forcing the situation or food on the person in recovery, give them space and gentle encouragement. When I was in a clinic, we would go on “challenge outings” and eat “challenge foods”. When done in a structured and understanding environment with professional support, progress will be made. Be patient.

“Oh, but you’re not thin enough to have an eating disorder.”

While one may lose weight, or gain weight, eating disorders can affect anyone regardless of age, gender, race, class and size. Eating disorders are characterized by the use of food to cope, not one’s body size. It’s about control. It’s about fear of living a full life. It’s about trying conform. It’s about numbing out from emotions and connection with others. It’s about pain and shame. Someone may not look like they have an eating disorder but mentally could be severely struggling with body image and obsessive food thoughts. It’s what happens on the inside that matters.

“All you have to do is eat more.”

Ok no. This is a very single minded approach. This is like telling an alcoholic to give up drinking overnight. Eating disorder recovery is so much more than that. While recovery includes a new approach to food, it also takes on the form of professional therapy, a change in exercise, a revaluation of how one relates to others and so much more. I had to travel, move cities, attend women’s circles, go off the pill and change my life path to help me get back on track. Recovery is a massive body of work that touches on all aspects of one’s life.

“Sheeesh, if only I had the same discipline as you.”

When I received a comment like this, it only added more fuel to my steadfast, restrictive and rigid control over food and exercise. It made me feel utterly invincible and better than anyone else. I felt like a superhero. An eating disorder is an illness and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. I wouldn’t want anyone to struggle with obsessive thoughts screaming in your head, the exhausting rituals, the anxiety dreams of food and the shaky climb into bed and nervous and starving wake up. It ain’t glamorous. This perceived “discipline” is actually someone who is totally out of control.

“You’re really skinny….”

This statement only used to fuel my identification of being the thin girl. I didn’t know who I was without it. I couldn’t imagine a life not being thin. The size of my body was the only thing I was. Rather focus on the qualities that make up the person. There is so much more that meets they eye and usually people who are sick and deep in their eating disorder have forgotten just how amazing they are!

“Are you better now?”

I didn’t break my arm. I can’t take some magic pill or wrap my brain in a cast. Recovery from any eating disorder - anorexia, orthorexic, binge eating, bulimia etc - is non-linear. It’s like the peeling of a cry-inducing onion. In my recovery, which has been ongoing since 2009, I have taken steps forward and steps back. I have gone off the path entirely too. Eating disorders have the highest rate of mortality than any mental illness. There is no quick fix and for some people there is no fix at all.

“Why worry about your weight. You have the perfect life.”

I grew up in a supportive and stable home, with many friends and tons of hobbies to fill my time. Yet I have an eating disorder. But I didn’t choose it, and I certainly didn’t choose it to get attention either. This mental illness can result from a number of things, including genetics, past traumatic events, exposure to media, remarks from peers and family, and the environment. With the “right” combination of factors, the “perfect storm” for an individual, is created. A comment like this only leaves the person with an eating disorder to feel more guilt and shame, the two biggest emotions they are trying to face and overcome.

Eating disorders do not discriminate.

Vegan Retreat Recipes From The Drakensberg, South Africa

Earlier this year, I cooked on a movement and meditation retreat out in Lotheni, in the central Drakensberg mountain range. Surrounded by mountains for miles, the Drakensberg is home to magnificent animals like leopards, jackals, eland, baboons and eagles. One can experience all weather seasons within a day and traverse open plains, thick forests and ice cold waterfalls. Green velvet grass carpets the hills while the Milky Way swirls in the sky above. The Berg is where I feel whole, grounded, creative, connected and full of love.

It was the most perfect place for me to have fun in the kitchen and nurture eight beautiful, moving humans for four days! What a gift! All the recipes created on the retreat were 100% vegan, wholefoods and rustic in nature. This was because the cottage in which we all slept didn’t have electricity. The meals were created in a gas oven or on a gas stove. With no blender to go by, sauces were whisked together by hand and ingredients were roughly chopped to form salsas and dressings. Simplifying in this way made the retreat that much more special as it got me out of my comfort zone, drove me to get creative with the meal planning and required me to trust!

During the day, we were immersing ourselves in movement and dance with live music, meditation, basic acrobatics, partner movement work, getting into the mountain, going on hikes, swimming in the icy rivers, eating by the fire, discussing the history of the area and learning about Bushmen art and culture. This retreat was organised by my dear friend, Dave Gardner. Music performed by the legend, Guy Buttery. Pictures and moments all captured by Doug Mostert.

I’ve included a few recipes from the retreat below. Happy cooking!

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OVERNIGHT CACAO CHIA SEED PUD and BEETROOT COYO

Chocolate chia seed pudding with pink beetroot coconut yoghurt

 Ingredients

Serves 1

For the Chia Seed Pudding

1 cup unsweetened almond milk

⅓ cup chia seeds

1 banana, mashed

1 Tbsp maple syrup

1 Tbsp cacao powder

Sprinkle vanilla essence   

To Serve

1 Tbsp nut butter

A sprinkle of beetroot powder and seeds

A dollop of coconut yoghurt, mixed with 1 tsp of beetroot powder

Fresh papaya, sliced in half and deseeded

Method

Mix the chia seed ingredients together. Refrigerate for at least four hours, but preferably overnight. Serve chilled with desired toppings, including your favourite nut butter, pink coconut yoghurt and fruit!

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 OVERNIGHT BIRCHER OATS

Creamy and spiced overnight oats with stewed apples and pears, dried fruit and seeds.

Ingredients

Serves 3

For the Bircher Oatmeal

2 cups rolled oats

3 cups almond milk + water as needed

2 apples, grated 

2 bananas, mashed

Juice of 1 orange

¼ cup chia seeds

A small knob of ginger

1 Tbsp maple syrup

1 Tbsp cacao nibs (optional)

1 Tbsp nut butter

1-2 tsp cinnamon / apple pie spice mixture

1-2 seeds

A few drops of vanilla essence

 For the Stewed Fruit

4 apples, sliced

A handful of raisins

Cinnamon

 To serve

Nut butter and seeds

Banana slices and chopped dried fruit (I used dates and apricots)

Method

To make the bircher oats, mix everything together in a big bowl and place in the fridge overnight.

For the stewed fruit, add the chopped and sliced apples, raisins and cinnamon in a pot on the stove on high heat. Add a bit of water and allow the fruit to cook down. About 5 minutes. Serve with the oatmeal when ready.

Serve with fresh fruit, dried fruit, seeds, nut butter and nut milk of choice.

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BUCKWHEAT PANCAKES

Buckwheat pancakes served with chickpea and spinach peanut butter curry

Ingredients

Makes about 12

1 cup buckwheat flour (recommended to grind your own flour from buckwheat groats in a food processor until it forms a fine texture)

3/4 Tbsp flaxseed meal

1 3/4 cups light coconut milk

1 pinch sea salt

1 Tbsp avocado or melted coconut oil (plus a bit more for cooking)

 To serve

I made a sweet rice pudding, avocado chocolate mousse and chickpea and spinach peanut butter curry to go with the pancakes. The guests could choose sweet, savoury or both!

Method

To a blender or mixing bowl, add buckwheat flour, flaxseed meal, coconut milk, salt and avocado oil.

Whisk in mixing bowl to combine. The batter should be pourable but not watery. If too thin, add a bit more buckwheat flour. If too thick, thin with dairy-free milk.

Heat a cast-iron or nonstick skillet over medium heat. Once hot, add a little oil and spread into an even layer. Let the oil heat until hot.

Add about a 1/4 cup batter to the pan. Let cook until the top appears bubbly and the edges are dry. Then carefully flip and cook for 2-3 minutes more on the other side. Turn heat down if cooking too quickly.

Repeat until all crepes are prepared. Keep warm between layers of parchment paper or on a plate under a towel.

Buckwheat pancakes served with sweet black rice pudding, avocado chocolate mousse, curry and fresh banana

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4 INGREDIENTS CHOCOLATE BROWNIES

Ingredients

1 cup cooked sweet potato, mashed

1/2 cup smooth nut butter of choice

2 Tbsp pure maple syrup

1/4 cup cocoa powder

Handful of chocolate chips (optional)

Method

Preheat the oven the 180 degrees, grease a small cake pan/loaf pan and set aside.

Over the stove top, melt your nut butter with the maple syrup. In a large mixing bowl, add the mashed sweet potato, nut butter, maple syrup and cocoa powder and mix very well. If using choc chips, stir them through.

Pour the mixture into the greased pan and bake for around 20 minutes or until cooked through. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely before slicing into piece.

Welcome to Lotheni Nature Reserve.

To check out my next retreat, The Deeper Retreat, head over to Dave Gardner’s website, https://original-condition.com to book your spot. The retreat will include myself, Dave, Guy and my good friend, Nathalie Larsen, whom I will be cooking with. We hope you can join us for a magical immersion.

The Deeper Retreat is waiting

This Is My Eating Disorder Speaking

“So I know you want to break up with me, leave me and forget about me. Oh I know how you can’t take it anymore. You’re sick of me. You’re desperate to get rid of me. But I know you - you can’t just turn your back on me. I’ve still got you in my clutches.

My hold may be subtler these days. Not many people can even notice I’m around most of the time but I’m still with you every day. My presence is is like static white noise on a TV. Droning on relentlessly. Sometime I wonder if you can still hear me in the background. But then I see you body checking, fretting about that extra helping, the glee you feel when you’ve ‘managed to control’ your food, the anxiety in social situation, the panic in a skipped gym session.

Sure, you are able to bounce back quicker and better than you have ever have done before - and I will give you credit for that and how you deal with things these days - but you just can’t let me go fully. It’s like a terrible abusive relationship. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome.

Sorry to say this, but the joke is on you, friend, because you think I actually give you something in this relationship. You think I give you control, predictability and safety. But I’ll be honest with you and tell you that I don’t give you shit. I mean, there was a time when I came in handy and was needed, but then you just got super attached to me. Not my problem. You believed you couldn’t exist without me. I gave you everything, including a sense of identity. Shame.

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I think that you’re starting to realise my lies and that the deprecating thoughts I pollute your with are not true. My lies keep you from you comprehending your truth, your life, your essence, your self-expression, you love.

If you want to leave, the ball is in your court babes. I’m very comfortable here and the longer I stay, the harder it is going to be for me to leave. It has already been ten years. Ten years too long, don’t you think? If you want me to leave, face your fears. Face the fact that you’ll change, including your body size, the way you think, how you love and exist.

Maybe you will realise that by embracing all who you are, without hiding in the shadows. that you will accomplish great things. Your fear of being rejected for not looking a certain way may diminish in time - if you can trust that. And I know you don’t fully trust that belief - and this is why you still hold onto me. Don’t you think it’s a bit silly and superficial? I know you’re more than that. And no one paid me to say this by the way.

Look, I’m going to be biased and say that life is better when I’m around but I know deep down you want to get rid of me. I don’t take offense because I don’t feel the way you do. I don’t have a heart like you or can love or live with vitality and adventure like you can. I’m just your eating disorder voice.

So whatever. Take me or leave me.

Photo by JR Korpa on Unsplash

Eating Disorder Recovery: A Decade Later

Dear Recovery,

You have been a long, slow and sometimes painful journey. There have been times when I thought no progress was being made, but looking back at these ten years, I can that we’ve really pulled out the stops. Look at how far we’ve come for a decade (and more) of restrictive eating, under-eating, overexercising, dieting and using food as a coping mechanism.

I feel grateful for the willpower, truth, authenticity and courage you have instilled in me.

Despite this, I do admit I have resisted you, rejected you, ignored you and have even believed you were not possible. But you’ve proved me wrong. Working together, we have met beautiful and challenging mirrors, helpers, healers, motivators, teachers and lovers who have all played their part in helped me grow and love more courageously.

Once you showed yourself to me, it was very hard to “unknow”, to slip back into living in fear and in the dark depths of sadness. Sure, I’ve taken a few steps back over the ten years, but never have I turned my back on you and what’s possible. I can’t go back. It’s only forward - even on the tough days.

I am slowly replacing my eating disorder with Recovery as a coping mechanism; a coping mechanism that actually works, nurtures and balances my spirit. Recovery, I know you have only my best intentions at heart.

You are my wise self and intuition, my caring inner mother and my sprightly inner child.

I am Recovery.

Love, Me xx

Connecting and softening in nature. Picture by Appster

For more on my writing on eating disorders and recovery, check out the following links:

What Recovery Feels Like

How Eating Disorders can Harm Relationships

The Stages of an Eating Disorder

How to Overcome an Eating Disorder: 31 Tips

New Vegan Menu at Balducci [Review]

I have been waiting for about nine months to try the new vegan menu from Balducci. I was aware of the exciting launch by one of Cape Town’s most established and well-known restaurants, but could only watch the action from afar as I have been based in Durban for the last two years. However, I finally had a few days in my hometown and managed to sit down to try their food.

Upon looking at the menu, I was overwhelmed! I had never seen such an extensive vegan menu at a non-vegan restaurant in Cape Town - ever. And everything sounded so good! Choosing what to eat was a challenge but luckily I had my partner in crime with me, which meant we could split a few options between the two of us. This meant drinks, starters, mains and desserts (and a planned second visit in the future).

Attempting to keep a poker face while silently stressing about whether I ordered the right food.

Right, so we know that there’s a big increase in interest in veganism both globally and in South Africa as more people are becoming aware of the important environmental benefits and health perks that a plant-based diet offers. In response, Balducci got busy behind the scenes and meticulously crafted a plant-based menu, complete with over 50 different options - yes, you read correctly - over 50 menu items that are entirely meat-free, egg-free and dairy-free! They have ticked all the boxes with a selection of smoothies, smoothie bowls, various cold and hot drink, salads, bowls, burgers, pastas, pizzas, sushi, wraps and desserts. Basically, you are bound to find an array of things to try (and will be planning your next trip back there in no time).

You can check out Balducci’s vegan menu here (take a deep breath): https://balduccis.co.za/balducci-vegan-menu/

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So what did we order?

We ordered a lot (obviously) and it revolved mostly around carbs and tofu. #veganlifeyo. We selected the following delicious foodie options:

A Classic Green Juice: Pineapple, apple, fennel, kale, parsley, lemon, lime juice and ginger.

Guacamole Rice Paper Wraps: Guacamole, carrot, cucumber, bell pepper, red cabbage, wrapped in rice paper and served with a vegan satay sauce.

Cashew Nut Cream Pasta: Marinated tofu and smoked mushrooms in a cashew nut cream sauce, with linguine pasta and vegan Parmesan on the side.

Roasted Tofu and Vegan Satay Sauce Pizza: Vegan cheese and tomato base, roasted tofu and topped with peanut butter satay sauce, on a homemade pizza base.

Cheesecake: Vegan cheesecake with a berry marble swirl.

Pistachio Raspberry Ice Cream Cake.

Cappuccino with almond milk.

Guacamole rice paper wraps

Pizza + pasta + tofu = my heart

Peanut butter satay pizza with roasted tofu

Cashew nut cream pasta

What is next on my list to order when I visit Balducci again?

A lot. Due to the impeccable service by some of the most friendliest and helpful waiters, quality food and based at a lovely, harbour-side location at the V&A Waterfront, I will be back to try some of the other menu items that caught my eye, including:

Turbo Something Juice: Pineapple, apple, spinach, celery, cucumber, lime and avocado.

Onion Blossom: Giant onion seasoned and deep-fried, served with a vegan chipotle mayo.

Trader Joe Pizza: Mixed chopped peppers, red onion and mushrooms topped with dairy-free cheese and a sprinkle of vegan Parmesan and vegan pesto.

Smokey Black Bean Burger: Smokey amaranth black bean burger, served with sweet potato fries or salad.

Red Thai Curry: Prepared with whole fungus mushrooms, tofu, bamboo shoots, cauliflower and broccoli, served with basmati rice.

Tahini Vegan Shake: Banana, dates, tahini, almond milk, vanilla and cinnamon.

Pina Colada Smoothie: Coconut water, mango, pineapple, baobab powder, lucuma powder, agave nectar, mint and pineapple.

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I was also super impressed with the beautifully crafted vegan menu. It’s separate from the other menu and include meals that aren’t in the main one - so definitely ask to see the vegan version. It’s really well designed and put together. There’s a whole section on why Balducci decided to create a vegan menu, their values and promise to non-GMO and organic ingredients, to be plastic-free and preservative and chemical-free, to use non-irradiated herbs and spices, and to cook at low, slow and delicate temperatures to ensure the integrity of the ingredients are retained and bioavailable. It was lovely to read their ethics while waiting for the food, adding a great touch to the overall experience.

Blueberry cheescake

Ice cream cake with raspberries + pistachios

Human eating dessert <3

Beautifully crafted vegan menu

If you live in Cape Town, this restaurant that is a must-try, and if you’re visiting Cape Town on holiday, I highly recommend it too. It’s smart enough for a business meeting lunch, chic enough for date night, varied enough for a family dinner, and comfortable for a meal alone.

Balducci, thank you for the wonderful vegan dining experience! I can’t wait to return.

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You can check out some of my other vegan restaurant reviews here:

Fit for a Queen: 12 Apostles Vegan High Tea Review

Vegan Fine Dining in Cape Town at Azure Restaurant

What I Ate In San Francisco 

What I Ate in Seattle

What I Ate in NYC

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Say hello to the badass, Balducci vegan besties here:

Website: https://balduccis.co.za/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BalducciRestaurant/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/balduccis_capetown/

I'm Vegan But I Ride Horses?

I fell in love with horse riding at the age of five. I couldn’t believe my luck when I was told I could sit on the biggest chestnut mare at the stables. My parents saw me off as I took my first ride into the forest, most probably fretting I would fall off - it was a long way down to the ground at that age. I was hooked from that moment. My parents thought it was a stage, but it was a stage that lasted over 20 years.

And then I went vegan at the age of 23 and things changed. How could I condone elephant riding in Thailand, ostrich racing in Oudtshoorn and rodeo in America but still ride horses? I was faced with the moral dilemma where I loved my horse and felt I was giving him the best life given the circumstances but knew deep down I was exploiting him for my own pleasure.

All of a sudden, the metal bit seemed like the most crazy thing to stick in his mouth, the saddle girth a constricting and uncomfortable corset, and the small paddocks in which he roamed, horribly unnatural and cruel.

However, I continued to ride for the next four years. Despite the unease around horse riding, I thought I needed it. It gave me a place to escape and be alone, away from people and just be in nature with my trusted four-legged, 800kg animal. Giving up riding meant I would have a massive void to fill, from a point of view of time and identity. I wasn’t ready to fully let go.

Dream Town and I, in Cape Town, 2017.

Slowly, over the years, I started to reduce how often I would ride. Then, I replaced the bridle and bit with a halter. I stopped exercising him hard. I started riding even less and would take him for walks on foot and simply go grazing. Finally, I moved to a new city so I couldn’t ride at all.

Almost two years went by. Despite being well looked after while I was away, I knew that he was living a small and unfulfilling life. And then my parents slowly planted the seed about retiring him. I resisted at first - I was afraid he wouldn’t be able to handle the long drive up to the farm, or make new friends, or be taken care of sufficiently. I was worried he wouldn’t be able to cope without me - I was “his human” after all!

These concerns were indeed valid but they were also unfounded. He is a resilient animal, friendly, sprightly and makes friends easily, and I would never send my horse to a place I didn’t have a good feeling about. Additionally, my ego liked me to believe that he would struggle without me. But I a not “his human.” While I could see that we shared a bond, I was not his #1 friend and he could survive just fine without me. This was a bitter pill I finally swallowed.

It would take over a year for me to finally accept the notion of letting him go, letting go of control of his life, letting go of a part of my identity, and letting go of the shame and guilt I had around being a horse rider. I kept replaying memories of the stressful and competitive environments I put him in, the use of a whip and spurs (which are normalised and routinely used - something I now can’t fathom using!), and making him do things he didn’t enjoy. I can remember him getting angry at me, bucking, shaking his head and trying to get out of the arena. I recall him shying away from me for days at a time after an aggravating outride or lesson, the trust between us lost, and having to rebuild it.

Building trust, letting go.

Like my process of going vegan, which took six months, it became clear to me that my transition away from horse riding was following a similar process. The gradual move away from it rather than stopping cold turkey was easier to emotionally (and logistically) manage.

We recently found a beautiful farm about six hours away from my home city. He has only been there for a few days and has settled in smoothly and has already made friends. He is now living the massive, luscious grass field where he is able to be a horse, run around and play with the herd of other retired, horses.

Dream Town at his new farm

A better life for a horse

While I believe that horse riding isn’t vegan, I understand why it is so difficult for riders to give it up. It takes up a huge chunk of your life and forms a part of your identity. The bond between you and the horse is real and true, and it’s terrifying to let that connection go and allow someone else to take care of him.

If you’re a horse rider and feel conflicted about riding horses and want to give up, trust that in the right time, you will be able to let go. If riding is no longer resonating, start to gently begin the process of thinking of alternative solutions for your horse. Ultimately, trust that you are giving a better, more wholesome life to your beloved friend, and that they will forgive you and love you.

Time to Face Up: The Link Between Acne and Eating Disorders

Acne is not only a sign of a physical imbalance, it also indicates that on an emotional level we are not ready to face the world.

While it is not always the case that you will battle with acne when going through an eating disorder, it can indeed happen. Very simply put, when you are underweight, it causes an imbalance of hormones. Our bodies need a certain amount of body fat in order to produce and synthesize hormones.

When there is a drop in weight, the body has to prioritse how to use energy smartly. The body no longer has the luxury to produce certain hormones, which is why you will lose your period, have a decreased sex drive, struggle to sleep and feel moody. A lot of this is hormone-related. The body is conserving its energy for more vital functions in order to simply keep you alive: heart beating, blood flowing, lungs expanding, and getting you from A to B. Clear, acne-free skin is certainly not at the top of the body’s list of important things to sort out.

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Think about it: When we are struggling with an eating disorder, we are at the very core ashamed of ourselves and fearful of vulnerability. Using food in maladaptive ways (whether it be restriction, bingeing or overeating), are ineffective and harmful strategies to try numb out, cover up and hide away.

And when acne shows up, it can indicate that we aren’t ready to face the world. Acne says, “Don’t look at me, for I am unworthy of your love. Don’t look at me, for when you look at me, it causes me to look at myself and that is painful. Please, don’t look at me.”

Acne literally makes us want to retreat, to not face the world or to socialise. When we go out in public, we experience embarrassment and shame, and we feel like everyone is disgusted by our appearance, further feeding the eating disorder and giving it more ammunition, keeping us in a feedback loop of shameful smallness.

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The only way to clear acne is acceptance, despite whatever is going on, felt or experienced. This is of course, not what our eating disorder wants. Our eating disorder wants us to never feel satisfied, or at ease. It does this by fueling this continuous chase of perfection - a state that will never ever be attained. Ever.

So this means that radical acceptance is the only way forward. It also means eating nourishing foods that help heal the body and the mind. It means listening deeply to how we can feed our creativity and giving our inner child time to play. It means letting people in. It means opening up and then trusting that things will flow the way they are meant to. Acne is so much more than skin deep.

We are required to heal from the inside out.

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

Presenting: The Opening Lines of Our Minds

I don’t know if I would want to be in your head. I know for sure that I wouldn’t you to be in mine. If you had to hear that things I tell myself, I have a feeling you wouldn’t be too impressed. And I’m certain that, for many of you, you would be embarrassed if you had to divulge your most secretive, pervasive and incessant thoughts to me.

I know this, because we’re human. And we all suffer from something similar as humans, and that’s the battle between our authentic self and constructed self, and how that impacts our self-worth.

When the latter dominates, we feel real pain because our authentic self is cast aside. We become out of alignment.

So how does it work?

I’ll use myself as an example - Like a television playing static, white noise, I have a handful of lies that I tell myself that float around in the background, ruling the show. I’m their puppet in a rather boring and predictable spectacle. The show has been constructed to suit not my needs, but the needs of others who I feel need to be impressed or proven to.

Now, you’re in luck today because I managed to get hold of this' show’s script, so you can get special VIP access into my internal dialogue. There are no punchlines, cliffhangers or plot twists, but it’s real, raw and maybe you’ll find it relatable.

[ clears the throat. Take #1 ]

“You’re fat. Life is better when you’re thin.”

“You’ll never succeed at anything.”

“You’re not interesting, creative or smart enough.”

“You’ll never be interesting, creative or smart enough because you don’t prioritise the things that will make you interesting, creative or smart.”

“You’re ugly.”

“If you don’t watch out, you will let go and get out of control.”

“If you don’t keep busy, you are not achieving or being productive. Stop being lazy.”

“If you don’t meet people's expectations of perfection, you are not good enough.”

“You’re not good enough.”

Dadumtooosh.

Now, I’ve come to realise that this script is a set of limiting beliefs that are all lies. I know this, because when I allow my authentic voice to step onto center stage, I am able to debunk them.

For example, take the first rather poetic line of “You’re fat. Life is better when you’re thin.” This is a lie. Life would be not be better if I was thin, because when I was deep in my eating disorder and severely underweight, I was moody, unhappy, unsociable and obsessive.

What about “You’ll never succeed at anything”? Has a nice ring to it, right? This is definitely the opening line of the show. Again though, this is a lie (surprise - a plot twist!). My achievements are continuous and relative to where I am at. All of my successes have led me to where I am today. And where I am today is something I am proud of. I expect to do more too over my whole lifetime so there are many more successes to come (look - I’ve left you with a cliffhanger!).

The punchline of it all is that whoever is running the feature show up there (call it Universe, God or whatever) is laughing down at us, saying that we have One Night Only to make it count. Our lifetime is a little blimp in all of this greater existence, so there is no time to live backstage, rehearsing and perfecting for the moments that never come.

If you’re bored of the dialogue, change it. If you’re over your supporting cast, find better support.

Why not live in the limelight and be the star of your reality (with an epic soundtrack included).

Photo by BRUNO CERVERA on Unsplash